(Ok, when you get down to Charlie and Marhshall, you gotta remember they switched bodies. Like Father, Like Son, only different.)

Lillian: Sloppy to use a cilvialan.

Lillian's guy: Credit me with some intelligence.
Lillian: On what basis?

Ms. Cantell: I can hear you people in the parking lot.

Sam: Is he a real asshole?
Charlie: Major.

(After switching bodies)
Marshall: You just look like me.
Charlie: I think I am you dad.

Charlie: Maybe this happened all over America. The envasion of the body switchers.

Marshall: Try and remember, I'm still your father.
Charlie: Try and remember, I'm bigger than you now.

Marshall: Hey that's my wallet.
Charlie: You need lunch money. Wow look at all this plastic.
Marshall: Don't eve think of it.

Santa: Is he famous?
Limo driver: He will be. I'm going to kill him. Ha ha.

Lillian: ...You're dealing with a major ball breaker here.
Charlie: Wow, a ball breaker.

Marshall: This is the woman I couldn't live with as a husband. Now I'm going to be her son. It's a 40 nightmare.

Guy #1: I say we tough it out. What are you going to do? Recall all those Mooses?
Guy #2: Moose.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Moose. The pural for moose is moose. What are you going to say Gooses?
Lillian's guy: Geese.
Guy #1: Yeah, right. It's Geese. You trying to tell me it's meese?

Charlie: James Bond was alive back then?

Marshall: I feel sick.
Sam: Charlie I thought you were still asleep.
Marshall: I'm too natious to sleep.

Lillian: How considerate. At home you never lift a finger.

Marshall: The cleaning lady must have been here. She usually doesn't do this good a job.

Marshall: Oh shit. What are you doing here?
Mom: Is that how you greet your mother?

Lillian: Just as well, your nerves are shot to shit.