Jenna: Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms without an ounce of selfishness in it.

Earl: Hey. You remember what I said - don't you go lovin' that baby too much.
Jenna: I don't love you, Earl. I haven't loved you for years. I want a divorce.
Earl: *laughs* Well, that's not a funny joke. You got this new baby here, you shouldn't be making jokes like that...
Jenna: I want you the hell out of my life. You are never to touch me, ever again; I am done with you. If you ever come within six yards of me, I will flatten your sorry ass and I'll enjoy doin' it.

Old Joe: Oh I love living vicariously through the pain of others.

Old Joe: Are you with child?
Jenna: Shush!
Old Joe: I saw that look on a woman's face before. Her name was Annette. I made sweet sweet love to her all through the summer of 1948, and she had that look on her face all through the fall.

Dr. Pomatter: So, what seems to be the problem?
Jenna: I seem to be pregnant
Dr. Pomatter: Congratulations!
Jenna: Thanks, but I'm not so happy about it like everybody else might be. I'm having the baby and that's that.

Dr. Pomatter: Un-congratulations, you're definitely having a baby.
Jenna: Un-thank you.