Lucy: Doesn't anyone use the phone anymore?
Joe: I do.
Lucy: I'm not talking about 900 numbers.
Joe: Who told?!

Lucy: The truth was that I fell in love with you. Yes, all of you. I went from being all alone to being a fiancee, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, and a friend. I may have saved your life that day, but you really saved mine. You let me be a part of your family. I haven't had that in a really long time.

Joe: Ok, Lucy it's either me or him.
Lucy: Him.
Joe: You don't have to answer right away.

Elise: I like mass better in Latin. It's nicer when you don't know what they're saying.

Jerry: You're born into a family. You do not join them like you do the Marines.

Jack: You suck.
Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?
Jack: It's a toss up.

Elise: Look at the bright side, he has more room in his jockey shorts.

Lucy: It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin...isn't.

Lucy: Oh gee I was talking to myself.
Nurse: Well, next time you're talking to yourself, tell yourself you're single and end the conversation.

Lucy: Soul posetion(sp?) of the remote control, that's very important.

Mary: Hey everbody. Lucy's pregnant.
Midge: How did you find out? What do you mean she's pregnant? How do you know?
Mary: That's what Beth said.
Midge: Jack did you know anything about this?
Ox: Go to your room.

Joe Jr: I know karate.