Rauol: *grabs one of the birds* Roger, what's this?
Roger: A tweeting bird.

Eddie: *sighs* toons.

R.K. Maroon: You saw the rabbit blowing his lines. He can't keep his mind on his work. Know why?
Eddie: One to many refrigerators dropped on his head?

Angelo: So who's your client, Mr. Detective-to-the-Stars? Chilly Willy? Or Screwy Squirrel?
Dolores: What'll it be?
Angelo: I'll have a beer, doll. So what happened, huh? Somebody kidnapped Dinky Doodle?
Dolores: Cut it out, Angelo.
Angelo: No, wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got it. You're working for Little Bo Peep. She's lost her sheep, and you're gonna help her find them, huh? *laughs. Eddie kicks Angelo's seat out from under him and grabs him by the neck.*
Eddie: Get this straight, meatball. I... don't... work... for toons.

Angelo: So what's his problem?
Dolores: Toon killed his brother. Dropped a piano on his head.

Eddie: Nice monkey suit.
Gorilla: Wiseass.

Eddie: She's married to Roger Rabbit?
Betty Boop: Yeah. What a lucky goil.

Eddie: What's that?
Lt. Santino: Remember how they always thought there wasn't a way to kill a toon? Well, Doom found a way. Turpentine, acetone, benzene. He calls it "The Dip."

Baby Herman: The whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers.

Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

Eddie: Anybody know you're here?
Roger Rabbit: Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh...
Eddie: Who?
Roger Rabbit: Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy... he knew.

Smartass: One of these days you're going to die laughing.

Dolores: So tell me Eddie, is that a Rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Eddie: Do you mean to tell me you could've taken your hand out of that cuff at any time?
Roger: No, not at any time. Only when it was funny.

Jessica Rabbit: Oh, no. Where's Roger?
Eddie: Roger?. He chickened out on me back at the studio.
Jessica Rabbit: No he didn't. I hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk... so he wouldn't get hurt.
Eddie: Makes perfect sense.

Eddie: I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun, I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the...
Roger Rabbit: Nose.
Smartass: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls.
Eddie: No, but this does.