Mugatu: They're break-dance fighting.

Derek: Brint, Meekus and Farcus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, a literal brother. I mean it more in the sense that black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.

Derek: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film and television actor.

Derek: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Billy Zane: It's a walk-off!

Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek: Ew!

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek: You can read minds?

Derek: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek: Be professionally good looking.

Derek: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.

Katinka: I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit...stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.

Mugatu: I give you, "The Derek Zoolander Institute for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to do Other Stuff Too."
*Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor* Derek: What is this? A center for ants?! How can we teach children to read if they can't even fit inside the building?!

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?