Unable to sit or so much as stand still, Brian paced the empty waiting room at a dizzying rate. Dozens of horror stories were spinning wildly in his head, each more gruesome than the next. A half an hour- the longest half hour of his life- had already elapsed since Sheridan had phoned him to let him know that Felicity had just been brought to the hospital. When he asked her what had happened, all Sheridan could tell him was that Felicity was unconscious and “looking real bad.”
The door to the private waiting room flung open. Brian spun around. Kevin walked up to him, looking sick with worry. “Is she alright?”
“I don’t know” Brian answered quietly. Although he wanted nothing more than to scream his words at the top of his lungs, he was too emotionally drained to do so. “They won’t tell me anything. They just told me to wait here…”
Sighing, Kevin looked at his cousin with sad eyes. He’d never seen him so distraught. “Do you… Do you have any idea what happened?” he asked softly.
Brian’s shoulder’s drooped. “No” he answered, “But I wish I did. I hate not knowing. I hate being left in the dark.”
“I’ll see what I can find out” said Kevin, making his way to the door.
Just then, Howie came striding in with Dayna at his heals.
“We don’t know anything” Kevin said, before Howie could even open his mouth.
Howie frowned. “Nothing?”
“Nothing asides from her being unconscious when they brought her in” said Kevin.
Howie lowered his eyes to the floor.
“I’ll uh, get you some coffee” mumbled Dayna as she backed out of the room, sensing it was the only remotely appropriate thing to do.
Moments later, Kristy and Naila came bursting through the door, panting from having run up several flights of stairs. Kevin glanced at Naila and quickly turned away. He felt guilty for being happy to see her when his friend was lying in a hospital bed only meters away.
“We still don’t know anything” Howie was quick to tell them.
“Shit” grumbled Kristy. Breathing in deeply, she caught Brian’s eye and walked right up to him without hesitation. “Are you ok?” she whispered softly in his ear as she hugged him tight.
But before Brian could verbalize his emotions, Nick appeared. Rage. Rage like he had never felt before in his life coursed through him like poison. In a flash, chairs went flying and Brian had pinned Nick against the wall.
“I told you!” he seethed, “I warned you that if you ever hurt her, I’d kill you!”
With Brian’s arm pressed to his Adam’s apple, Nick could hardly breathe, much less speak. By the time Howie and Kevin were able to pry Brian off, Nick had already turned purple in the face. Doubled over and gasping for air, Nick looked up at Brian’s blazing eyes. “I” he coughed, “I don’t know… she wasn’t with me.” When he was finally able to stand upright, Nick looked around at his friends with pleading eyes. “Would someone please tell me why my girlfriend’s in the hospital?”
“What do you mean she wasn’t with you?” Brian demanded.
Just then, A.J and Alyssa entered the room hand-in-hand.
Ignoring them, Brian shook Kevin and Howie off his shoulders and fixed Nick threateningly. “What do you mean she wasn’t with you?”
“We… we had a fight” Nick replied, “And she left. And I don’t know where she went afterwards”
A small voice spoke up from the group, “Eli was with me”
Everyone turned to Alyssa, who was looking just as upset as either of the boys. “She came over to our place.”
“Then you know what happened?” went Howie.
Alyssa shook her head, “No, I don’t. She came over, and since I already had plans, she came with me…”
“Where did you go?” Kevin asked.
“I…” she paused. With all that had happened with Amanda last night, Alyssa didn’t have the opportunity to come clean and tell A.J where she had really gone. Chewing her lip, she looked him in the eye apologetically before saying, “We were at Justin Timberlake’s party. J.C had invited me.”
A.J’s mouth opened slightly, but he didn’t say a word. Now was not the time or place to cause a scene.
“And then what?” Kevin beckoned.
Alyssa tried hard to ignore the angry look on A.J’s face. “And everything was fine. The only incident was that she accidentally spilled some wine all over herself, so she showered and changed in Justin’s room. That’s the last I saw of her…”
“So you left her there alone?” Nick shouted angrily.
“Don’t you even dare take that tone with me, Nick” Alyssa cautioned, shooting him a venomous glare. “I don’t know what you did to her, but I swear-- ”
“Enough!” Brian exclaimed. “Let’s not get off track here. So the last time you saw her was at Justin’s, correct?”
Right then, the door opened once more.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Goldberg” the man introduced himself, “You’re here for Miss. Lawford?”
“Yes” replied Brian anxiously, “Is she alright? Can we see her?”
Dr. Goldberg eyed the group suspiciously over his spectacles. “Are you all relations?” he queried.
“I’m the boyfriend” Nick said firmly, “Now spare us the politics and tell us what happened.”
Removing his glasses, Dr. Goldberg gave Nick a very serious look. “Very well” he said, “Miss. Lawford is awake and will recover rapidly. She merely suffered a concussion to the head as well as a few minor bruises. She has very little recollection of what happened; however, we do have reason to believe that Miss. Lawford was sexually assaulted.”
The entire room went dead. For a second that contained an eternity, no one could so much as move a muscle or utter a sound.
“I don’t understand” Alyssa finally said, tears already glistening in her eyes, “How… It isn’t possible… I left her safely in Justin’s room…”
“Justin” Nick repeated in a low growl.
No one bothered to stop Nick as he stormed out of the room.
The next thing they heard was the sound of a body hitting the hard floor. Naila had collapsed.
**Meanwhile**
Yawning drowsily, Rick stirred a bit as he awoke. He and Laurel had been up watching movies all night, and it appeared as though they had both fallen asleep in the process. A grin curled at his lips as he watched Laurel snooze serenely over the pillow on his lap.
He checked the time. “Still early” he thought to himself.
Laurel let out a few whimpers in her sleep, causing Rick’s smile to widen. Caressing her hair softly, he sat there as quietly as possible, simply enjoying the pure bliss of the moment. He had never felt this way about anyone before, and he quite liked the warmth that spread through his body just by touching her.
After nearly an hour of lying there motionlessly, Laurel finally woke up. She was pleasantly surprised to find that the first thing she saw upon opening her eyes was Rick’s radiant smile.
“Mmm mornin’” she greeted, stretching. “What’s for breakfast?”
They both laughed. Laurel was about to lift her head off the pillow when Rick held her back. “Don’t” he said softly “I like it like this.”
Laurel felt butterflies in her stomach, “Alright” she agreed dreamily.
She could literally feel herself melt as he continued to caress her gently.
“This is nice” he breathed, now tenderly stroking her cheek.
“Yah huh” was the only reply she could muster.
After a few minutes of gazing into each others eyes, Laurel managed to sit up on her knees next to him.
“I’m going to kiss you now…” Rick whispered as he leaned into her.
“Okay” Laurel whimpered, licking her lips in anticipation.
Jolts of electricity shot through their bodies as their mouths met. No one had ever kissed her this way before… Every inch of her skin tingled at his touch. She let herself melt into the mattress, running her hands through his soft hair.
Being the expert that he was with the ladies, Rick planted delicate butterfly kisses down her jaw and up her neck. He knew full well that his would drive her wild, and judging by her moans, he couldn’t have been any more right.
“…Rick…”
“Yes?...”
“…Rick…”
“Do you want me to stop?” Rick asked between kisses.
Laurel’s back arched as his hand ran gingerly under her shirt. “No…” she whimpered, scratching her nails lightly over his back.
Laurel simpered as his hand rested over her stomach. And then without warning, he stopped.
Winded, she propped herself up on her elbows. “Huh?” she panted her hair in a wild mess. She grabbed him by the collar, “What are you doing? I meant ‘no, don’t stop.”
Rick swatted her arm away before she could drag him down again. “I know” he chuckled, “But I still think we should stop.”
“Why?” Laurel whined, still flushed.
“Because” he started, “I don’t think you want to do this”
Laurel laughed, thinking he was just being cute. “Right, Ok. Quit trying to be all gentlemanly and --”
“Laur, I’m being serious” Rick interrupted, pulling even further away.
Frowning slightly, Laurel crossed her arms over her chest. “Alright then” she said in an unnaturally cool voice, “What is it this time?”
Rick could barely bring himself to look at her as he spoke, “Listen, I’ve been thinking...”
“Now that’s a first” Laurel muttered under her breath. She didn’t quite know why she was already being so hostile, but something told her that she should be.
Rick went on as though he hadn’t heard her, “about us –our relationship, if you wanna call it that. You’re great and all, but…” he breathed and let the rest of his explanation flowed from his lips like a dam that has just erupted. “I’ll be honest with you. The tour is ending soon, and afterwards we’ll hardly see each other. And I can’t promise anything! You know me. I’m young, I’m famous, and I don’t know if I can stay tied down. The only thing I’ve ever remained faithful to is my music… I like you and I like spending time with you, but I’d be too much of a jerk if I let this –thing- we have between us get any further than it already has. I know you must be angry…”
“Angry?” repeated Laurel, red patches surfacing on her face, “Why would you think I’d be angry?”
Rick let out a long sigh, “I expected you…”
“You expected me to what, Rick?” Laurel said, in an eerily calm tone, “Throw a hissy fit? Beg you to be with me?”
“Well no, not exactly…”
“Then would you please tell me then?” she went on just as serenely as she had begun. “Because it seems to me that you have a greater understanding of the type of person I am than I do.”
Flustered and slightly taken aback by her unexpected reaction, Rick had to clear his throat before he could answer. “It’s just that- ”
“Oh, come on! Let’s be real here” went Laurel very matter-of-factly, “If you wanted to, you’d stay. You just wanna fuck around guilt free! If you really wanted to… if you really cared… you’d be able to stay committed.”
“I just don’t wanna hurt you” Rick said earnestly.
“Then don’t!” Laurel cried, her temper rising, “You seem to be labouring under the belief that you have no control over your actions. Everyone has free will, Rick. No one’s twisting your arm! So it’s one of two things: Either you don’t wanna be with me and you’re just trying to be delicate, or you’re not man enough to face your own emotions and realize that you and I might just have something here.”
Rick frowned and got up from the bed. He opened his mouth to tell her off, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come. Instead, he felt his body temperature rise. How dare she attack his character? How dare she question his motives? How dare she say that he had free will? “Well if you can’t see that it’s for your own good…” but his sentences trailed off into a heavy sigh. Running a hand through his hair, he turned his back to avoid Laurel’s eyes.
“It’s a lot harder than you thought it’d be, isn’t it?” said Laurel softly. “But you shouldn’t be afraid to feel, Rick.”
“I’m not afraid” Rick mumbled.
“Oh?” Laurel exclaimed, “Then why can’t you face me?”
At these words, Rick whirled back round and fixed her with a stony glare. “You overestimate yourself, Laur” he told her bluntly. “I was being honest with you earlier when I said that I wanted to stop this before we got in too deep, and clearly I was right in doing so. The way you’re talking, you make is sound as though I’m falling in love, which-” he snickered, “is really not the case.”
Laurel’s mouth opened slightly. Rick words hurt her deeply, but she refused to let it show. Instead, she rose rather majestically to her feet and crossed the room to fetch her hoodie.
A musical jingle broke the silence. Both of them looked around the room in search of the source. Finally, Laurel spotted her small silver mobile lying on the floor. “My cell” she grumbled while bending over to pick it up.
“Hello? Oh, hey Kristy, what’s up?”
Rick slid his hands into his pockets and attempted to drown out her conversation. However, the concern in Laurel’s voice made him raise an eyebrow and he couldn’t help but eavesdrop.
“Oh my God… but… I see… Kris, I’m gonna be on the next flight out of here! Bye”
“What’s wrong?” Rick asked anxiously.
Laurel looked up, her blue eyes very misty. “It’s… It’s Eli.” she croaked.
**Back at the Hospital**
Propped up against two enormous pillows, Naila was very still as she sat on the hospital bed. She looked down at her legs, which were tightly bound under a white bedspread, and sighed heavily. How could she have fainted?! Just thinking about what the others would say… She buried her face in her hands and tried hard not to think about it.
The curtain around her bed pulled open. Naila looked up and immediately felt her stomach clench.
“Hi” said Kevin as he slowly walked up to her.
“Hello” Naila replied uncomfortably.
Looking around, Kevin spotted a chair and pointed at it “Would you mind?”
Naila shrugged her shoulders as Kevin took a seat at her side. Even though she could feel his gaze penetrate her, she did not dare look at him.
“So the doctors say that the reason you collapsed is because you’re undernourished” Kevin began in his usual slow southern drawl. He did not show any signs of anger as he spoke; in fact, his tone reminded Naila of a father explaining to his child that two and two made four.
Naila said nothing in response; only continued to stare blankly into space.
Breathing in deeply, Kevin unexpectedly took Naila’s hand and held it firmly.
After a few more uncomfortable moments of silence, Naila felt an irrepressible urge to speak up. “I’m sorry” she murmured
“I’m sure you are” replied Kevin rather unsympathetically.
Naila bowed her head shamefully, a huge knot building in her throat.
“I feel so stupid.”
Kevin squeezed her hand, prompting her to go on.
A sob escaped from Naila’s lips as a warm tear trickled down her chin. She shook her head, incapable of continuing.
“You should have come to us… You should have…” Kevin paused before continuing mournfully. “I don’t understand. You’ve always been so self-assured; so headstrong. How could you-” and he now sounded more disgusted than ever, “starve yourself?”
A second tear rolled down Naila’s cheek and landed with a soft thud on the blanket.
“When did it start?”
Heaving in another quiet sob, Naila finally forced herself to answer. “Re-remember the night sev-several months ago, when I moved in with you? Your ex S-s-Sarah showed up? Oh Kevin, she was stunning! I thought… I thought that well, why would you be with me if you could be with someone… someone like her?”
“Naila-”
“I know, I know” she interrupted, wiping her cheek “I had no reason to be jealous, but I was. I’ve always been insecure; I just never let it show. At first it was just about watching what I ate. But soon, it wasn’t even about food. It was about my mood. I felt ugly and rotten in my skin… and when you broke up with me…” Naila looked up and peered at Kevin through bloodshot eyes “I’d never been more depressed in my life. Every day was a battle. And all the while, I missed you so much. Ever since we’ve been apart, I’ve had this constant, unbearable pressure over my chest. I’ve missed you so much”
Swallowing, Kevin placed his other hand over hers so that he was holding both her hands in his own. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you” he told her softly “Breaking up with you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but at the time I thought that it was for your own good. But ever since, I’ve been waging war against my own emotions.”
Exhaling, Kevin offered Naila a feeble sort of smile. Releasing her hands, he patted her encouragingly on the arm. “You’ll be Ok” he assured her. “You’re not the first- and most defiantly not the last- to develop an eating disorder in this business.”
Naila had stopped crying, but her expression was just as glum and woebegone as ever. “I can’t do it alone” she uttered almost inaudibly.
Kevin raised his thick, caterpillar eyebrows. “Of course you won’t be alone! I’ll be behind you ever step of the way.”
And for the first time in recent memory, a sincere grin spread across Naila’s face.
**At the Same Time**
Howie shifted uncomfortably in his chair, every last muscle in his body aching and sore. He had spent the previous night lying miserably awake on the rickety old chesterfield he kept in the basement. All this, he thought, wincing as he stretched, to get away from Dayna! The woman did not permit him a single solitary moment- not even while brushing his teeth before bed. She was suffocating! Insufferable! Yet he found it impossible to rid himself of her because he could not bare being alone.
“Howie, sweetie!”
Dayna bounced down the corridor, smiling. Howie grimaced at how inappropriately she was acting considering the situation they were in.
“There you are!” she chirruped, sliding into the seat next to him and linking her arm in his. “I’ve searched high and low for you, you naughty boy. Have you been hiding from me?”
Howie tried to laugh along at her little joke, but his smile resembled more of a sneer than anything else.
After a few minutes of bandied conversation to which Howie paid scant attention, Dayna said, “So baby, you agree with me then that we should go home?”
“What?!” he exclaimed angrily, looking at her dumbfounded. “Of course not! Our-” (he corrected himself) “My friend is in the hospital! I’m not going anywhere.”
Frowning, he rested his chin on his free knuckled while drowning out the rest of Dayna’s babbled apologies. It was then that a familiar voice caught his ear. He turned his head so fast that he almost gave himself whiplash.
He couldn’t believe his eyes… Dawn was striding down the hall, chatting animatedly with two people appearing to be taking notes.
“Dawn!!”
Dawn stopped so abruptly that her assistants came within a foot of colliding into her.
She whirled around. “Howie…”
Without thinking, Howie jumped to his feet, almost knocking Dayna over. But he couldn’t care less. “Dawn” he said again, his brain still struggling to catch up.
The initial shock of seeing Howie quickly wore off. Dawn had after all expected to see him here. “Hello” said Dawn in a very dignified tone.
Still goggling, Howie ambled towards her, almost convinced that he was hallucinating. “What… what are you doing here?”
Sighing, Dawn gestured for her assistants to keep walking. She then stepped up to Howie. “They sent me to cover for what happened to Felicity” she explained, barely above a whisper, “If anything leeks out- which it’s bound to- someone’s got to be here to keep the press at bay.”
“But- I mean” Howie had never been at a greater loss for words. “You… Where have you been? I’ve tried reaching you! They never phoned me to tell me you were back. You just ran out… Why didn’t you call?”
“I just needed- time” Dawn answered feebly. She was in no mood to get into the details of her therapy sessions. “Besides” she went on, her nostrils flaring, “Your girlfriend made it quite clear that you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“My… what?” gasped Howie.
“I’m guessing that’s her?” snapped Dawn, crossing her arms doggedly and motioning behind his back with a jerk of the chin.
Mouth hanging open, Howie looked around and stared at an oddly stiff Dayna. He turned back to Dawn, still confused. “She’s not my girlfriend!” he objected.
Dawn raised a skeptical brow, “That’s not the girl living with you?”
“She is living with me” Howie answered stupidly, but then hastily added “But we’re not in a relationship! Hell, I can’t even stand her!”
“HEY!” Dayna shouted angrily. She had snuck up next to him without Howie realizing.
“Look Howie” said Dawn, trying hard not to show emotion “I didn’t come here to see you, I came because there’s work to be done. And I don’t know why you’re being all innocent, when you flat-out ignored the message I left on your machine.”
It took a second for what she had just said to sink in. Everything finally started to make sense. Without a second thought, he rounded on Dayna, both teeth and fists clenched.
“You” he glowered, “Explain”
“Me?” said Dayna, looking politely puzzled.
But Howie was beside himself. “TELL THE TRUTH!” he yelled, startling not only himself but passersby.
Dayna stared from Howie to Dawn and back to Howie. Her mind had gone completely blank. ‘just lie! Say something! Anything!’ she thought desperately. However, one final glance at Howie’s stern face and Dayna knew that she had reached the end of the line. “It’s just that… I’ve liked you for so long…” She sniveled theatrically, praying that she could at least earn some sympathy “You two had already broken up when we met, and well, I could tell that you were still in love! The only way I could get you to pay any attention to me would be if Dawn was completely out of the picture.”
“So you told Dawn that I didn’t want to hear from her even though you knew full well how desperate I was to get in touch with her?” said Howie, more stunned than upset this time.
Dayna gave a feeble nod of the head in response. “I’m-”
But Howie put up his hand before she could say anything else. “Save it. You’ve done enough damage to last a lifetime! I want you to leave. Now”
The finality in his tone was so resolute that even Dayna, who had after all weaseled her way out of every possible scenario in the past, could not think of anything that could possibly help save her tail. Puffing out her chest, she let out of high-pitched squeal of frustration, turned on her heals and jostled out of site. (and, as far as Howie and Dawn were concerned, out of mind.)
Howie was looking at Dawn intently, his pulse hammering wildly in his throat. For so long he feared never seeing her again, and now here she was- alive and healthy.
>“Dawn” he said slowly, leading her away from the crowd by the elbow “I’m so sorry-”
“No Howie” interrupted Dawn. “Please don’t apologize.”
Her eyes were sad, but her mouth was twisting into a Mona Lisa-like smile. She sat down in one of the chairs, Howie following suit. Sighing, she said “I’ll be honest. I never believed what that trollop said. I knew that you’d been trying to find me ever since I ran out on you. I wouldn’t have expected any less of you…” She fixed him in the eyes and went on. “Deep down I knew that you being in new relationship was the perfect cop-out, because I’d never have to face you again.”
“Hold on. Why wouldn’t you wanna face me again?” Howie frowned.
Dawn’s eyes opened wide and she let out a snort of disbelief. “Howie, do I have to spell it out for you? I was, and still am on anti-depressants. I nearly had a breakdown!”
“So?” went Howie incredulously. He couldn’t believe how foolish she was being. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. I would have been there for you if only you had let me! You were physically and emotionally abused by your ex-boyfriend, and then you were forced to shoot him in self-defense. That’s enough to make anyone crack.”
“I was embarrassed” Dawn mumbled.
“Well you should have known better.” Howie told her, smiling bleakly before resting his hand over her knee.
Dawn shuddered involuntarily. She looked down at the hand, then at Howie’s face. “I still love you” she said point-blankly.
Howie blinked, and then leaned in to give her a soft kiss. “You know I do too”
“But I can’t be in a committed relationship at this point in my life” she continued simply. “I need to concentrate on myself and my career and my health.”
With the most heartfelt of grins, Howie extended his arm “Friends then?” he offered.
Dawn gave him an appraising look before shaking his hand. “Friends”
**A Bit Earlier**
“This is all my fault” Alyssa said despairingly as she stirred her coffee.
“Don’t say that, you know it isn’t true.” A.J told her sternly.
The two had separated from the rest of the gang under the pretence of needing a cup of coffee. Truth was Alyssa just wanted to be left alone.
“If I hadn’t left her there…”
A.J shook his head. “Listen, this is not the time for ‘ifs’, alright?”
Alyssa stopped stirring her drink and rested her hands in her lap. “I shouldn’t have lied to you” she muttered.
“Yeah… well” replied AJ, suppressing his rage. He wasn’t at all pleased when she admitted to being at Justin’s with J.C last night, but in light of the circumstances…
“You were right.”
“Right about what?” A.J asked absent-mindedly.
“About JC”
Raising an eyebrow, he put his cup on the table. “What do you mean, I was right about J.C?”
Biting her lip, Alyssa placed her hands back around her coffee. Her eyes lowered; “You were right to be cynical” she confessed in a small voice. “He kissed me last night”
When A.J didn’t respond right away, she looked up at him. Astonishingly, he was just sipping away at his coffee, staring transfixed at a spot just over her left shoulder.
Alyssa was taken aback. Perhaps he hadn’t been listening. “Err” she went hesitantly, “did you hear what I- ”
“I heard you” A.J said, now watching her. “I’m guessing you left right after it happened? That’s the reason you took off without Eli…”
With her jaw hanging slightly, she nodded. His calmness was rather unnerving. Normally, AJ would spaz just by learning that she had spoken to J.C, so why wasn’t he biting her head of for kissing him?
“AJ, why aren’t you upset?” she finally blurted.
“Just because I’m not yelling doesn’t mean that I’m not upset” he answered coolly.
A few more awkward seconds elapsed before he spoke again. “So I guess we’re even now. I tried seeing Amanda behind your back, while you were sneaking around with J.C”
“I didn’t ‘sneak around with him’” Alyssa objected.
“Well whatever” he shrugged. “The point is that we lied to each other. Not exactly the sign of a healthy relationship.”
“Are you trying to say that you think we should break up?” Alyssa asked fearfully. She could already feel herself going numb with dread.
A.J swallowed what was left of his coffee, apparently deliberating.
“Don’t be stupid, of course I don’t want to break up” he answered plainly.
“Then what are you going on about?” Alyssa demanded, slamming her paper cup bak down and spilling half of her now look-warm mocha.
“AJ, why are you behaving this way?”
“I just don’t have the energy to argue with you anymore, Lyss. I’m sick of it, aren’t you?”
Alyssa stared back at AJ before lowering her gaze to her napkin. “I suppose I’ve gotten used to all the fighting” she chuckled grimly.
A.J chuckled too. “Tell me about it.”
Slowly, Alyssa lifted her head back up and stared into AJ’s soulful brown eyes. She then reached across the table, linking her fingers in his. “So what now?”
“I err was…” He cleared his throat. “I was thinking of… visiting Amanda.”
A.J felt his girlfriend’s fingers uncoil from his.
“Oh” she mumbled.
After what happened to Eli, Alyssa had understandably given Amanda very little thought. The problem was that they hadn’t even had the chance to discuss the matter, because A.J had accompanied Amanda to the hospital last night, and by the time he returned the following morning, Alyssa was fast asleep.
But now that the subject of Amanda had been brought back to the table…
“What’s going to happen to her?” Alyssa asked in an off-hand sort of way and not daring to meet his eyes.
“Well” went A.J, rubbing his tired eyes with his palms “She’s going to remain in the hospital for a while, till she’s healthy enough to enter rehab. It’s not going to be easy” he sighed “but what can we do?”
Alyssa nodded, clucking her tongue. “Yeah…”
“What’s the matter?” A.J frowned. Alyssa was never very good at concealing her disapprovals.
“It’s just that…” she felt almost embarrassed at admitting it; “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t… that you don’t love her?”
“Who, Amanda?” A.J exclaimed.
Alyssa said nothing, which clearly meant yes.
“Honestly?” went A.J, in a very blasé fashion. “I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love Amanda.”
Alyssa’s head shot up. She never dreamed he’d be so blunt! “I half-expected you deny it” she snorted.
“I don’t see why I should deny it…” A.J told her, apparently not seeing what the problem was. “Lyss, now that you mention it, I should have been straight with you from the beginning. I should have come clean about Amanda and I”
Before Alyssa could ask him what he meant, he continued.
“Before you and I met, Amanda and me were, well… ‘unofficially’ engaged.”
Alyssa’s jaw dropt.
“Wait!” said AJ “Don’t react before I finish with what I have to say. I said unofficially. I hadn’t proposed or anything. No rings, nothing. But neither of us doubted that wedding bells were in our future. We’d been best friends forever, and as lovers we were practically joined at the hip.”
“And then you entered the picture.” He looked at her and grinned fondly. “I’d be lying if I said that Amanda and I didn’t have our fair share of problems at the time, but up until you came along, I didn’t think it was anything we couldn’t handle.”
“I don’t…”
“What is there not to understand?” A.J chuckled. “Lyss, when you love someone the way I loved Amanda, you never stop caring for them! But caring for them isn’t the same as being in love with them. Don’t you see? I’ve been in love with you since the moment I lay eyes on you! It was… well, it was love at first sight, I suppose.”
“Oh” went Alyssa sheepishly, feeling her cheeks burn.
“Well, when you put it that way…”
They both laughed. Taking her by the hand, A.J led her out of the cafeteria by the small of the back, their hearts much lighter than they had been in weeks.
**Later that Afternoon**
It seemed as though the sun had deserted the skies above Orlando. Barely a ray shone through the masses of storm clouds which had been gathering steadily over the last 24 hours. However, the dismal weather outside was nothing in comparison to the gloomy atmosphere inside Justin’s mansion. He, J.C and Sheridan had gathered in front of the television; each of them wishing they were somewhere else. Sheridan, for one, could not believe that she was still under the same roof as Justin after the way he had treated her last night. For some reason, her pride kept her from leaving. Meanwhile, J.C was so terribly disheartened by the fiasco with Alyssa that he couldn’t bear to be without company. As for Justin, he just wanted to be left the hell alone.
After almost three hours had elapsed without conversation, Justin checked his watch “How much longer are you two gonna sit here doing fuck-all?” he groaned, rolling his head from shoulder to shoulder.
J.C looked at the time and groaned in turn. The seconds were ticking away so slowly it was almost like being tortured. “I guess I’ll go home” he said, getting to his feet with some difficulty.
“I’ll walk you out” mumbled Sheridan. Yawning, she stuffed her hands into her pockets and made to follow J.C.
Just then, the doorbell rang loudly; the chimes reverberating shrilly through every inch of the house.
“Ugh, I guess I’ll have to get up too.” Justin growled.
The three made their way silently through the dim hallway towards the entrance. The bell rang again.
“Hold your fucking horses” Justin said loudly as he unbolted the door.
Throwing it open, he was too irritated to care who the unannounced visitor was.
“What do you…”
Justin’s breath caught in his chest and he stumbled back, unable to breathe. Sheridan let out a squeal of terror and J.C froze, looking petrified.
Nick was framed in the doorway, his face rigid; his stature impressive- a silvery-black handgun extended in line with Justin’s forehead.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t blow your filthy, rotten brains out?” Nick seethed slowly through tightly clenched teeth.
His gun clicked, and Sheridan let out another horrified shriek.
“Nick!” she yelled, throwing her hands over her mouth.
Nick ignored her. He continued to glare at Justin, gripping his gun so tightly that his hand shook.
“N-Nick” J.C stuttered, taking a bold step forward. “Put the gun down, man. Whatever Justin did-”
“The son of a bitch raped my girlfriend!” Nick spat, not taking his eyes off Justin.
J.C’s eyes grew large, and he stared over at his best friend as though he had never seen him before. Sheridan gazed open-mouthed at Nick. Justin, however, hardly flinched.
“Is it true?” J.C asked, rounding on Justin.
For the first time, Justin tore his eyes away from Nick’s gun and looked over at J.C. His lack of a suitable reply was answer enough.
J.C threw his best friend a revolted look and walked up to Nick as a sign of solidarity. He always knew that Justin was scum, but he never thought he’d stoop that low.
Sheridan walked up to Justin, looked him square in the face and slapped him hard across the cheek. Then she too went to stand by Nick.
Justin felt more unnerved than ever now that everyone had turned on him.
“S-so what are you gonna do?” he stammered, trying to act cool. “You don’t have the balls t-t-to shoot me.”
Tilting his head to the right, Nick shot Justin a defiant smirk before pulling the trigger.
Justin winced; Sheridan threw her arms over her face, screaming, and J.C turned away. But nothing happened. The cartridge was empty.
“Jesus” gasped J.C, clutching his heart.
Justin was now as white a sheet and trembling like a leaf.
Nick stowed the gun away in his jacket. “I might not be able to kill you, but I’m gonna make sure that your sorry ass rots in jail for what you’ve done.” he told him gruffly.
He was about to leave when Justin spoke up.
“You press charges, and I’ll tell the whole world that you’re an abusive alcoholic.”
Nick turned back to Justin, his face red and gaping.
“That’s right” nodded Justin smugly. “I know all about you’re drinking and hitting Felicity. Sheridan told me all about your history battling the bottle…”
Nick glanced at Sheridan, who looked away in shame.
“That’s a small price to pay to see you behind bars” Nick snorted, looking back at Justin.
He took one step closer to the door when-
“Oh, but what about your Backstreet buddies?”
Nick felt the heat rise in his body. He looked around again, and for the first time showed signs of apprehension.
Justin knew that he had gotten him. “Maybe you don’t care about your lame career, but I’m pretty sure your little friends do” said Justin brazenly. “Quite the scandal it would be if everyone found out that you’re just some pathetic drunk that goes around beating his innocent girlfriend-”
“At least he’s no rapist” J.C muttered under his breath, balling his fists.
Justin went on as though he hadn’t been interrupted. “I daresay it would spell the end of your careers. Oh, and not to mention your personal lives. The press would hound you relentlessly. And then there would be Felicity-” he smirked.
“If you come out in the open with what transpired between the two of us, then so will I. And in case you haven’t thought of it, she’ll be the one caught in the cross-fire. She’ll have to live the rest of her life knowing that the whole world knows what happened to her. Not too many people could survive under that kind of pressure…”
Nick could think of nothing to say to this.
“Well” Justin sighed. “You give that some thought. Now if you don’t mind…”
Nick straightened his back, eyes swimming with tears of mingled fury and despair. “I – am – going – to – make – you - pay!” he growled before storming off; J.C and Sheridan following in his tracks.
**At the Hospital**
Kristy and Brian were the only two left waiting outside of Felicity’s hospital room. Brian of course had refused to budge while Kristy hadn’t the heart to leave him alone. Unfortunately, topics for conversation were starting to run dry and therefore cold, stark reality was sinking in again.
“Want a soda?” Kristy asked, walking over to the vending machine.
“I’ll have a Coke” said Brian, yawning.
Kristy let herself drop back in her chair and handed Brian his drink.
He popped open his can. “Thanks”
“No prob” Kristy replied, taking a swig from her 7 Up.
“So” went Brian, attempting to breathe life back into their conversation. “What’s new with that guy you’ve been seeing? What’s his name again?”
Kristy chocked on her beverage. Wiping her mouth with her arm, she answered rather loudly, “Brice”
“Yeah, that’s it. So what’s the deal with the two of you?”
“Umm, nothing really” she giggled feebly.
The truth was Kristy hadn’t had the courage to tell anyone that her alleged stalker was in fact Brice- who of course wasn’t a stalker at all! And although she had yet to speak to him since the night she kicked him out, she knew in her heart that she was prepared to forgive their colossal misunderstanding.
“Actually, I owe him a phone call.” She said pensively.
“What are you waiting around here for, then?” grinned Brian. “Call!”
“Can’t!” replied Kristy mournfully. “My battery is dead. It died on me right after I got off with Laur.”
Brian didn’t have to think twice. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his own cellular. “Here” he chirped, tossing it at her.
Catching the phone with both her hands, Kristy smiled broadly.
“I won’t be long!” she called back as she made her way down the hall in search of some privacy.
Brian smiled fondly to himself, and was about to take another sip from his can when a pair of tatty white sneakers appeared on the floor in front of him. Looking up, he saw a middle-aged nurse standing before him with a clipboard in hand.
“Are you one of the visitors here for Miss Lawford?” she asked.
“Yes” croaked Brian, rising to his feet at once.
The nurse made a quick note before replying, “You may see her now.”
Nodding, Brian followed the nurse to the door; his legs feeling like dead weight. He stepped inside the room, bracing himself for the worst.
As the door opened, he felt his heart plummet to his feet at the sight of Eli sitting in the bed, bruised and ashen colored.
“Hey” I said softly once Brian had entered the room.
Judging by the appalled look on his face, I must have looked nearly as awful as I felt.
Brian did not speak. Instead, he inched ever closer until his knees grazed the side of the bedspread.
“I’m not contagious, you know” I grinned, for some reason trying to make light of the situation. “You can sit down.”
Brian complied, still staring unblinkingly at me.
“Are you… are… how are you?” he stammered, after which he hastily added, “Sorry. What a stupid thing to say”
“I don’t remember anything that- that happened to me, if that’s what you wanna know” I told him plainly. “And please don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Brian’s eyes darted away uncomfortably “The others are all here, too. We all came as soon as we… we were all so worried.” He smiled benignly and caressed my face.
I felt a sudden wave of heat surge through my body. As hard as I tried, I just couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. My stomach felt sick; “You don’t all have to be here. I don’t think I…” I sighed, trembling slightly.
“If you’re not up to seeing the others just yet, I’m sure they’ll understand” he assured me sweetly. “Anything at all I can do to help, you name it.”
“Thank you” I said.
I was finding it increasingly difficult to suppress the urge to throw up. My stomach was writhing as though it were full of worms, and the pounding against my temple only got louder and fiercer with every heart beat. The only thing that I could think of was to keep talking, because being left in silence with nothing but my tormented thoughts was far too unbearable. Thankfully, Brian seemed to be thinking along the same lines.
“Would you like me to – err phone Nick afterwards? That is, if you’re even up to seeing him...”
Brian didn’t know exactly why he was asking her this; the mere thought of Nick was enough to make him cringe. But Nick was her boyfriend after all, and as much as Brian hated to admit it, he knew deep down that Nick loved Eli more than anything.
“No” I replied firmly. There was no way I’d be able to face Nick. Not now… not yet. However… “Nick isn’t here?” I asked, surprised.
“Well, he was” answered Brian. “But he left to, umm, take care of something.”
‘that something being Justin’ he thought to himself, flexing his fingers in a threatening way.
“Oh. I see”.
The fact that Nick wasn’t there didn’t bother me as much as it probably should have. Then again, my priorities had shifted drastically over the last couple of hours. I stared blindly at the wall in front of me, trying again in vain to stem my nausea. Despite being incapable of recalling the rape, I still could feel my skin crawling as though what Justin had done was causing my flesh to decay.
“Brian” I said, swallowing my emotions again and trying to think only of what I was about to do.
“Yes?” went Brian eagerly.
I let out a steadying breath, willing myself to focus on the task at hand.
“Brian” I said again, now peering into his kind blue eyes. “I’m sorry for- for everything I’ve put you through.”
“What?” he interrupted. “Eli, come on. This is not the time to- ”
“Please – hear – me – out!” I cut in determinedly.
The little time I had spent alone in the room after regaining consciousness had given me the chance to reflect on the state my life was in. I’d been so mixed up lately, and part of me felt that what had happened could have been avoided had my head been on straight. But now, my mind was set and I knew what had to be done. However, there was no way I’d be able to get through this if he planned on constantly interrupting me.
“I’m sorry I hurt you! I know how painful our break-up was on you… I felt it too. But at the time, being with Nick was what felt right. I was in love with him.”
Brian pretended he hadn’t heard her say “was” and continued to listen raptly.
“It’s just that… My relationship with Nick soon reached a stalemate, and after a while I started to think that maybe being with him was a mistake after all! It wasn’t right any more- what we had together wasn’t healthy.”
I purposely avoided bringing up Nick’s drinking, for I knew that there was enough for Brian to chew as it was.
“At times” I went on, unyieldingly, “I questioned whether our break up had been the right move; Maybe launching myself into a lustful relationship with Nick had been the foolhardy act of a person caught in a world she did not belong in. I wasn’t meant to be a pop star, Brian. I never wanted to be in the spotlight! I never wanted a record deal, or a rock star boyfriend! I never wanted to tour the country on a bus while the only thing that truly mattered to me – my family- was left behind! I never wanted to attend parties with celebrities, and I certainly never wanted to be raped by some teen heartthrob just because he thinks he has the right to get into the pants of any girl he fancies just because ofwhatheis!”
The room went dead. Brian felt his throat tighten with emotion and was at a total loss for words.
“Brian” I pressed on earnestly, “The real me would have known that the smart thing to do would have been to stay with you- I see that now. But the real me was lost a long time ago and now- now I’m determined to find her again.”
“What do you mean…” Brain went softly.
“I mean” I told him fiercely “That I’ve had enough! I’m leaving the tour. I’m leaving all of this. I’m leaving Angel. I quit."
