The next couple of weeks flew by amid a firestorm of controversy and bedlam. The press had naturally caught wind of my being in the hospital, but thanks to Dawn and her quick wit, no one in the media was able to learn what had truly happened. After much deliberation, I decided not to press charges against Justin. Part of me felt guilty, because I couldn't help feeling that I was letting a rapist roam free. I was being selfish, and I knew it; but at the same time my peace of mind meant more to me than seeking justice or revenge. What's more, J.C had given me his word that he and his bandmates would be watching Justin like a hawk from now on. Their asses were on the line too, after all.
Major strings had to be pulled for me to be able to break my contracts, but I think that my record company and sponsors felt that it was wiser to cut me loose than to have me come out in the open with what had happened
There was only one concert I was still bound to; our first show back after the tour's hiatus.
As I stood on stage that haunting night, peering out at the vast sea of euphoric fans, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride wash over me. Despite all the tribulations I had suffered, there was no refuting the grander of what I had achieved. And as the band played the final strings of my last song, I couldn't help but feel that a part of me was being left behind forever...
The arena went black. The cheers and screams followed me until I reached the backstage where Jason, Holly and Jena were waiting for me by the van that was to bring us directly to the airport. We had reconciled the moment I had been released from the hospital, and it took no effort to get them back into my custody. As it turned out, the so-called "loop hole" Dawn had discovered in those forms wasn't exactly legal after all.
"Get in, I won't be long" I called to them.
I watched my siblings scramble in, and then turned to face my farewell party.
Brian, A.J, Kevin, Howie, Dawn, Laurel, Rick, Alyssa, Naila and Kristy were standing in a line, each wearing varied glum expressions. We had already bid our goodbyes beforehand, but they were of course all there to officially see me off. Nick was the only one that chose not to make an appearance.
"Well" I sighed, twisting my hands "I guess this is it!"
One-by-one they stepped forwards to give me one last hug; their final words to me playing like a broken record in my mind; The loudest voices being those of Alyssa, Brian, and of course Nick.
"We're sisters, you and I. Don't you dare forget it!" Alyssa had told me tearfully.
Then there was Nick, who had spoken to be brokenly the day before; "You were the best thing that ever happened to me... I didn't deserve you.... I could never say I'm sorry for what I did, because sorry can't cover it. I would never dare ask for your forgiveness, because I could never forgive myself. After this... it'll be it for us." It was apparent that this explanation would have to account for his absence that night.
Lastly, there was Brian, whose words had meant the most. "To me, you'll always be the one that got away. I love you. You were meant for great things."
And so I left them all behind, waving out the open window of the van as we drove out of the venue; away from the spotlight; away from the only friends I knew, into the star strewn night.
And at last- at long last- I felt for the first time since my parents' death that my life held meaning.
