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The 13th Warrior

 

 

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Directed by: Michael Crichton and John McTiernan

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Diane Venora, Omar Sharif

Rating:

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    Ok, I saw the previews and all I had to see was Antonio Banderas and I was ready to shell out my 7 dollars.  I also caught the fact that Michael Crichton wrote it so that made me more anxious to see it.  I should've paid more attention to the fact that I didn't know anything about the story from the previews.  There was a good reason for that... THERE IS NO STORY.  Well of course that's an exxageration, but this movie is lacking in so many regards and story seems to be the biggest one.

   First of all, one thing that got on my nerves was that there are a million things brought up in the story that are never developed.  In fact, I can't think of ONE part that WAS sufficiently developed.  Let's go through the list of them.  Well, actually, first things first:  the so-called plot.  Antonio Banderas is an unwilling 13th member of a warrior tag team of sorts who has been asked to help out another village who is being plagued by "The Eaters of the Dead".   Yeah, that sounds more like a tagline than a plot but there is nothing really else to the movie.  Ok, back to the parts of the movie that aren't developed.  First, the history of the Eaters of the Dead.  They would seem much scarier to me if we knew their motives or some history or SOMETHING about them.  All the audience gets is a random mention that they worship this mother idol.  Can you say vague?

   Ok, what else.  The love story...they go through the trouble of throwing this girl into the movie, she and Antonio exchange glances, supposedly spend the night together (although we never see any of this) and they just leave it hanging.   This was pathetic.

    Then we are never given any reasoning or motives as to why the Vikings are helping this other village.  Then the writers go through the trouble of throwing conflict within the group, i.e. The Prince who is set against them, and they never finish that part of the story and never explain why he's such a pain in the rear.   Or what about the Queen?!?  It took me half the movie to figure out who she was.

     We are introduced into scattered background of Antonio Banderas in the first few chaotic minutes of the movie.  We are given an onslaught of meaningless blabber.  I mean, what was the point of  the thieves in the desert!?!? 

   Ok, this part was perhaps the most frustrating for me.  By the title of the movie and the fact that Antonio Banderas is chosen for this mission by fate, I assumed that he was going to become this magnificent warrior; that he would find the strength within himself to become this badass fighter.  They hint at it.  He learns the Viking's language quickly, he seems to be good with a sword, but all the audience is given is one scene when Antonio seems to be pissed off and just starts swiping his sword at everything as he chants the silly line, "They're men!!!".   LAME!  Then after this scene is over, he goes back to being just the average to subpar warrior.  Um, ok.

   Another thing that got on my nerves was the cinematography.   Everyone knows that this is going to be an action heavy flick.  This lighting and the cinematography though make the the fight scenes chaotic and not in a good way.   It is so much to the point where the scenes become muddled and hard to follow.   You miss half the kills, you don't see anguish or pain in faces, you miss the stuff you want to see.

   The dialogue is also not the best thing in the world.  There are quite a few cheesey lines / scenes.  Also, the movie starts a little slow.  It does get better though.

   I was really frustrated with this movie.  It showed a lot of potential.  If the parts of the story mentioned above had been developed more the film really had the potential to be good.  There was some definate talent in this movie.  If I knew his name I would mention it, but I don't so I can't.  Anyway, the man in the picture above standing next to Antonio Banderas was actually quite good and the scenes with him were some of the better ones in the movie.  This movie is just blah.  If you want to see this, don't expect any kind of story and only so-so fighting scenes.




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