This is first-turn madness from a 1991 125 National. Cheese-dick gear was the order of the day, and the pros were not immune.

After reading previous portions of The Early '90s MX Gear Hate Page, you know how much early '90s gear sucks dog nuts. Not only did the gear look stupid, but it made otherwise intelligent riders look like clowns. Not just any clowns, the really shitty clowns that can't find real clown work and have to make balloon worms in the town square for spare change. Lucky for them, lots of early '90s MX gear ended up in the trash by 1995, so that they didn't end up having to buy suits. This page will be laid out in Motocross Action-style caption titles. For the past century, MXA has put a title and colon on each picture in their magazine. If you haven't noticed it by now, go back and look at your old copies. From this point on, it will bug the fuck out of you. Only Jody Weisel, the editor of the magazine (and author of the "Jody's Box" column, which is the only MX magazine column that sounds like it could be a porn movie) knows why. As you will soon see, there was no way that the riders' girlfriends would just say "Leave it on" when it was fuck time. 

Damon Fucking Bradshaw: Nothing sums up early '90s motocross better than the name Damon Bradshaw. He rode fast, crashed hard, and wore gear that featured the colors orange, pink, blue, red, yellow, white, purple and black. Plus, he had a goatee and shaved head six years before nu-metal was even conceptualized at a closed-door record company meeting.

Sum #41: This page will be all about summing up things about the early '90s. As shitty of a time it was, it can be described very easily. Motocross in the early '90s was all about being really good and then quitting. Jean-Michel Bayle jetted to do roadracing just like Bradshaw quit to do nothing. In this pic he is sporting RS Taschi clothing, which is a company that is out of business. That's no real surprise.

Don't Need Your Money: If you know the significance of those four words, you are a turbo badass. This is Jeff Glass. Before McGrath and Bud Light and LaRocco and Jack in the Box, there was Jeff Glass and Surf laundry detergent. He was the first person in the modern era of motocross to nab an outside sponsor. At the time, the only other "outside sponsor" was Peak antifreeze, which isn't really an outside sponsor since bikes need antifreeze to run. It was a major coup for MX, but his gear still looked way dumb.

Mr. Glass #2: This is my buddy Mike Glass. He's not related to Jeff Glass, but he drank an entire bottle of Lightning 101 in one sitting. Then he threw some chairs at his girlfriend and puked. That's almost as impressive.

Schwing!: There's nothing hotter than an early '90s broad wearing ZGatorz and blowing gunpowder off of a revolver. Nothing. Image is critical when you're trying to steal the wraparound sunglass market from Oakley Razorblades.

Joining together to take on the world with our heavy metal: Brian Deegan in 1991 is not the same as 2002 Brian Deegan.  And, of course, there's lots of pink. Back then, he was just another up-and-coming 125 rider (With 500cc number plate backgrounds. Remember 500s?)  There was no Metal Mulisha at that time, which means that you couldn't be in a motocross troupe if you just knew how to fight and didn't know how to ride. Somehow, I get the feeling that the reason that it it spelled Metal Mulisha is because they didn't want to get sued by a certain band that used to be really good and now is a bunch of Skynyrd wannabes. He looks absolutely nothing like Marky Mark in this picture. No sir.

Holy shit: Even in 1991, McGrath refused to look like shit. Good work, soldier.

Sneak attack!: We got you, McGrath! You're wearing 3/4 cut high top off-road sneakers, pushed-down tube socks, black jean shorts and a flannel! 1993 got the best of you! We win!

KTM's Cliff Palmer: Cliff Palmer rode for KTM. The letters KTM didn't mean jack shit in MX back then, so every time that Cliff Palmer's name came up in Motocross Action, he would be called KTM's Cliff Palmer. KTM's became a part of his name. MXA also said that KTM had the most tasteful bikes of that era. Apparently, checkmarks are the raddest thing ever.

Odd connections: Victor Sheldon was an accomplished Jet-Ski racer of that time. He was included in one of MXA's "Celebrities Who Ride Motocross" articles even though Jet-Ski racers aren't nearly as famous a top motocrossers. He was also into R/C cars, which turns this page into a mini "Early '90s R/C Car Nostalgia" page. Look at those rock hard large-spiked rear tires and staggered-rib fronts! I do believe that that is a JRX-T! I'm out of control! This is an R/C track at Ron Lechein's house, who we know didn't have any distractions while he was racing MX.

AX-OH: If you didn't have any pink on your gear in the early '90s, you were a fag. Jeff Stanton proves his masculinity in 1992.

Couch master: Gary Denton, eight-time ATV Grand National Champion, insults the entire country in this pic by wearing a American flag-themed helmet consisting of the colors pink, white and blue. He wore Sinisalo gear, which is another company that is conspicuously absent from today's gear wars.