Why is my toothache texting the toilet brush?

Beep beep beep beep, the sound went as I was taking a dump. Where is this sound coming from? Silence, as I sit there on the throne, the beeping ceases. I haven't got time to investigate this strange sound, my tooth is killing me, and I must empty my bowels and rush to the dentist.

"Hello Mr Lasttrainhome", said the dentist when I walked into the surgery. There was something different about the dentist today, but what?! Aaahh!! I know what it is!! He had an antelope humping his ear!

"Open wide", he said, the antelope thrashing wildly by his side. I complied and opened my fungi filled, mould infested, bacteria colony of a mouth. As a I opened I felt a sweetcorn from last night's tea shoot out of my mouth. The dentist failed to notice this but the antelope chased after it, leaving the dentist looking rather annoyed.

The dentist suddenly stopped in awe, puzzled, he questioned my mouth shape, saying it resembled Richard Whiteley's false eye, mangled in the food processor! Also, my hair style was similar to that of Richard Whiteley's, but mine looked like Meatloaf's aswell, I would do anything for you...but I won't shave my head and wear dentures made of elephant's teeth!

After visiting the dentists, I went to the grocery store and bought a melon, a very large banana and a cucumber. I thought I'd make a nice fruit salad...

So I manipulated the spectacular source of vitamins and minerals, knowing that it would do wonders for the stimulation of my hair folicles. I also heard a myth about toliet duck, it is said that the stuff can make your eyelashes thicker if you drink it.

So I went home... (yet to be finished, plz check back soon for the updated version)