This is a story written by me, hehe, makes me :)
It was 7am on Thursday morning, John could hear his alarm clock ringing, "GET UP YOU TOSSER!" it screamed. He hit it with his fur ridden, ginger fist as it was beginning to agrevate him, he could feel himself getting hotter and redder, he was about to explode. "Calm down", said his wife as she put on her huge glasses, nearly kncking poor John out of bed. Her glasses were so enourmous that they took up almost the whole of the bed. Now all John could hear was the famous ticking of the alarm clock, "ginger tosser gonger tosser" it ticked. He heaved the huge glasses off his wife's tiny head and hit the clock with them. The clock shattered into a million pieces under the immense weight of the glasses, one of the broken clock shards impaled his wife to the wall. John didn't seem to notice this, she quietly pulled herself off the wall, this was apparantly an every day occurence. John was busy wondering how she kept those huge glasses on her head, afterall, she was only a metre tall, and these glasses were 6 metres in width and 18 metres in length, they must have weighed about 100 kiligrams.
After John had sufficiently calmed his temper, he hauled his hairy ginger butt out of bed and drew back the fashionable green and orange polka dot curtains. As he did so, he saw the postman outside and stuck his middle finger up at him. John then realised that he was totally naked and he was causing a HUGE ginger glow that was radiating over the garden outside. The poor postman was nearly blinded by this horrific sight, he stumbled down the garden path, throwing up all over the side of the greenhouse. As John saw the postman barf on his prized greenhouse, he could, again, feel his temper rising. To add to his red hot bad temper, he realised he still had his wife's glasses in his hand and his ginger nakedness had been magnified to the world outside! "Are you ok?", asked his rather blind wife. "NO!" he screamed, the window was threatening to break at this phenomenal sound. His wife calmly switched on the radio, trying to find some soothing music. Instead on soothing music, she found the local morning news. "Bad news", said the reporter, "over a thousand people have been blinded by an unknown, orange, radioactive source. This bright light appeared to be coming from Green Lane in York." You could see John getting redder and redder, beginning to turn purple, clashing with his ginger pubes. The reporter went on "it's suspected to be coming (not literally I hope!) from a certain ginger gentleman's house. Mr Eyeneedhelp, the local postman, says that he saw a sight that has scarred him for life, he couldn't even bring himself to describe it, he was so distrought."
John had now changed just about every shade of every colour imaginable to man (or the local paint store!) and looked like he was going to explode any second. Fortunately his wife knew what to do, she walked over to her over head projector screen and pulled on the string, it promptly fell off in her hand. She knew that this was going to happen since it always did. She took the string and attached one end to the bedpost and the other end to John's one eyed snake. In fact, it wasn't a one eyed snake, it was a very unusual three eyed snake! She opened he bedside table and took out a bottle of sedatives. She forced five of them down John's throat using only her tongue. After 20 seconds he fell on the floor into a deeo, naked, ginger sleep. She took advantage of his helplessness and promtly got out her hair dye and applied it to his head. She liked the thought of him with blond hair, the thought turned her on. She liked this thought so much that she applied it to his other hairy areas too. She then got dressed, got in the car, and went to work.
When she returned later that day, she walked upstairs to find John, still asleep. "Oh my good god!" she screamed, his hair had turned a bright shade of green! It was all over!! She quickly untied him and shoved him into the wardrobe, slamming the door and trapping some of his flab in between the doors (yuck!). Never mind, she thought, and cut the excess flab off with her nose clippers. This deed made a bit of a mess on the pale cream colour carpet, but she didn't seem to mind too much.
