John Carney is one of the afd_b regulars I wish had time to post more.
Unfortunately he has a job and is a responsible person. A while back
he came up with what I though was an interesting idea for a thread.
Pick one of the names Dave Barry mentions "would be a good name for a band"
and indicate what their hit song was. Unfortunately, I went first and pretty
much killed the thread.
By the way, my daughter learned the chorus to "American Pie" when she was 2 years old. It's pretty funny when she starts singing it to herself and visitors to the house realize what she's singing. (Not quite as funny as her Sex Pistols set, but funny none the less)
John Incites Challenge:
> I would like to propose a little cerebral challenge for the group.
>
> The rules are as follows:
[snip!, toss! whirrrrrrrrBZKNNZZZKNT!]
> "I'm Not Leaning, I'm Looking For Nuts" by the Italic Squirrels
>
> Surely you can do better than that ....
Yes, I can and don't call me Shirley.
Damnit John, just when I get curmudgeonly you go and challenge me to
come up with something clever.
Well I actually came up with the song before I came up with band,
so there's a bit of retro-fitting required. The song was meant
as a memorial to his Daveness, but I can't wait forever for him
to shuffle off this mortal coil, so in honour of our own impending
mortality I'd like to play this old classic from 1972, which was
a hit by "Yield to Maturity" (the horse Dave wagered on in
"Betting on the ponies" 6March98. Although Dave doesn't specify
that as a great name for a band, I believe the lead guitarist
was once in Duane Furlong and the Phenomenoms from the column
"Ask Mr. Language Person" 19Dec97)
Incidentally the lyricist for "Yield to Maturity" went on
to play in the Rock-Butt Leftovers as well as placing 2nd
in the 1977 Belmont run at MacArthur Park racetrack.....
From 1972, here is their big hit ......"Chuckletrouser Guy"
[skritcha skritcha skritch....]
(Verse 1)
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember how
his mucus used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could wear those chuckle pants,
And maybe I'd do slapstick for a while.
But then on October the Eight,
With every step I'd flatulate,
Dead frogs in my canned sprite...
They ruined my appetite.
I can't remember if I tried
to finger what had petrified
But something dug in deep inside,
The day the mucus dried.
So...
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
(Verse 2)
Did you write the book of guys,
And are you as horny as fruitflies,
If libido tells you so?
Now do you suffer from real bad hair?
Can music seal your tupperware?
And can you say it to no-one but the chair?
Well I know that you have Roger's socks
'Cause we've eradicated the smallpox
So that death stench from your shoes
must be argyle and plaid hues
I was a lowly surfer using lynx
With a pink flamingo and a Hillman Minx
But I could smell the whale carcass stinks
The day the mucus dried
I started singing...
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
(Verse 3)
Now for ten years we've been on the net
With no moss grown on a Rocky yet
But it's just not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the King and Jack
we gave him such a heavy smack
That he ploncked down beside you and me
Mr Language person was looking down
Unwanted charms were cast around
The felons were then spurned,
But no adverb was returned.
And while Hoobert sucked and sniped with Ed,
Nothing else remained unsaid
Couldn't get Macarthur Park out of my head
The day the mucus dried.
We were singing...
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
(Verse 4)
Hawley Smoot in a zoot-y suit
The buicks flew off in a trebu-shoot
V-8s high and falling fast
We landed here among the dents
The lawyers tried us for negligence
With the punkin chunkin tomato condiments
Now the weekly columns were gone too soon
While clarinets played a falseyetto tune
We all got up to glance
Oh, but we lost those chucklepants
And as the temple lay in tons of waste
While everybody cut and paste
the good knight rid on in his haste
the day the mucus dried
We started singing
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
(Verse 5)
And there we were all in one group
A generation drinking Luwak poop
With the golfer trying to hose Seiden
So then Frank was nimble Frank got loose
Jack voted for Harvey the Moose
'Cause j is the square root of minus one
And as we ate our peeps of grape
Rick Haan was tied up with duct tape
Then Satan said to J.C.
where the hell's the season finale?
And as the toasters flamed into the night
Burned the strawberry pastry delight
I saw Satan all dressed up in White
The day the mucus dried
He was singing...
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
(Verse 6)
I met a squirrel who read usenet
And I asked her if it was funny yet
But she just smiled and dropped the host
I went down to a.f.d_b
Where I once heard the circus carney
But the carousel there just wouldn't post
And without Breet the talent drained
Just dirt and Grimes and phlegm remained
And not a newbie jumped in
Their heads had all been smashed in
And the guys that I Hunt'ed down to roast
The Parker rolls, mixed Rice, and toast
They left without a goodbye post
(or one last reference to Donny Most)
The day the mucus dried
And they were singing...
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie
Bye bye Chuckletrousers guy,
Drove Miami to Kissimmee, in the weenie and I
saw good ol' boys drinkin' beer till they're high
Singing lame parodies of american pie,
Lame parodies of american pie....
J.S.C.
(Jeff's Symbolic Chanson)
ps Note from Jeff:
I actually cut out about 2038 unfinished verses to this song
which I was going to post interspersed with na-na-na-na-na-na
na-na-na-na-na-na, but it sounded too much like Land of a Thousand
Dances.
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