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AT HOME WITH DR. EVIL

Q: So When did you decide that you were evil and wanted to take over the world?

A: One dosen't decide to be evil and achieve world domination. It is a calling, a vocation, like needing to be a dancer in Cats or the owner of a fishing tackle shop. Exactly the same, only bigger and more evil. I think I was about five when I decided.

Q: So what did you do? Paint your bedroom black?

A: Fool! That was years later. i took over a treehouse, and hired fellow kindergarden pupils as henchmen. Within weeks I was a millionaire and well on the way to my first underwater laboratory. By age 10 I had absorbed crime syndicates from Singapore to Southend, eliminating or recruiting my enemies as my evil whims saw fit. By 13 I had blackmailed two ex-presidents, a prime minister, and my woodwork teacher (he later designed my evil rotating chair). Before I was legally fit to drive I had hatched my first serious plan to take over the world - the unleashing of mutant frogs. I was thwarted that time. Being THWARTed comes with the job. Sorry, did I spit on you?

Q: Where did you get your inspiration?

A: easy listening music such as the Crapenters, Large-porint romantic novels, the animal kingdom. It was from watching a documentry about giraffes that I got my idea to steal Africas frout crops via robots with telescopic necks. My friends also are great spurs to wickedness. Number Two and Frau Farbissina wouldn't hesistate to elimainate me if they got the chance. And that's an inspiration and a comfort, bless them.

Q: How did you come by the scar on your face?

A: Put it like this. The surgeon in question has been "eliminated".

Q: Is it lonely being an evil genius?

A: I'm not the only evil genius around. They're evil geniuses like me all over the world. Once a year we go to each others secret lair for barbecue. About the time the pork ribs are ready we try to kill each other. We haven't yet made it to the pudding.

Q: Aside from taking over the world and being rid of Austin Powers, is there anything else you'd like to achieve?

A: Naturally, the Nobel Peace Prize is long overdue. I think we all know that. What else? I've never been able to do omelettes very well. I generally need more shelves in my lairs. I fancy playing Carmen at the Met. Would like to learn the piccolo. I should learn to be less humble. More children, of course. xott's been a terrible disappointment, refusing to allow me to be a good father and show him how to garrote a man... Think thats about it.

Q: How would you like to be Remembered?

A: As one who had no choice.

Q: Thank you Dr. Evil.

A: Yes, might the Death Ray to your right, those frickin' idiots left it there, I mean throw me a frickin' bone here...