The Italian Job (2003)

I wonder why it seems as though any film with Mark Wahlberg’s name above the title is certain to be a remake of an older, better film.  This is his third in a row, after Planet of the Apes and The Truth About Charlie (which was Charade, starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn), and it’s about time for him to start looking for original material. 

The original Italian Job was a 1969 British caper comedy starring Michael Caine and Benny Hill, and is supposedly a very smart, entertaining picture (alas, I have yet to have the pleasure of seeing it, so I take that reputation on faith).  This version is a straight action picture, with its few laughs being what one would expect from your typical Hollywood bullets-and-profanity production.  Directory F. Gary Gray, however, has done the best one could hope to do with such a tired formula, and while this film won’t replace the best works of Willis, Schwarzenegger or Stallone in the hearts of action fans, there are worse ways to spend two hours of your life on a Saturday night.

The former Marky Mark portrays Charlie Croker, a professional high-dollar thief who has convinced his father-figure John (Donald Sutherland) to violate his parole and join him for one last heist in Venice.  John is so smitten with the thought of this meticulously-planned job that he even calls his daughter, Stella (Charlize Theron), to tell her that he’s left the country and is about to commit a crime, both of which will most likely land him back in prison.  What fathers will do for their daughters, huh?  Anyway, the job, stealing $35 million in gold bars locked in a safe goes off without a hitch until Steve, one of the gang’s number (Edward Norton), betrays his fellow crooks and makes off with the gold himself, killing John and trying, but failing, to kill everyone else in the process.  Do you see a revenge plan in the making?

A year passes, and Charles has tracked down Steve in Los Angeles, living in the Hollywood Hills off the ill-gotten booty.  Knowing that Steve has recently obtained a new-fangled high-tech safe, he seeks the help of the best safecracker in the business, who just happens to be the afore-mentioned daughter of John.  Stella works as a free-lance consultant to law-enforcement, but is willing and able to join the plot to revenge John’s murder.  We meet the driver, Handsome Rob (Jason Statham); the explosives expert, Left Ear (Mos Def); and the computer nerd, Lyle (Seth Green), who really invented Napster (no, I’m not kidding).

Wahlberg’s performances will certainly never be discussed in future acting classes, but for mindless action pictures, he’s capable.  Unfortunately, Planet of the Apes and The Truth About Charlie were supposed to be thoughtful action pictures.  Oh, well.  I’m hesitant to call this movie a “mindless” action picture, because the elaborate planning of the heists and the technology the crooks use certainly required some creative thinking on somebody’s part.  However, everyone in the gang (and Norton’s Steve, for that matter) seems to be wearing a facial expression that tells us there’s somewhere else they’d really much rather be.  Seth Green is the only cast member who puts any energy into his performance and, not surprisingly, is perhaps the most entertaining character in the movie (his on-camera voice-over for a conversation between Handsome Rob and a stereotypical dumb blonde chick is the comedy high point of the movie). 

Wahlberg in particular keeps such a monotone to his character that it’s difficult to muster any tension or excitement during the showdown scenes.  It’s no secret that Norton did not want to do this picture but was somehow contractually obligated to do it, and it shows in what is probably his most uninspired performance to date.  His brief cameo appearance in Frida was more interesting than this.

Visually, however, the movie is very pleasing.  The scenes in Italy and the Alps are stunningly photographed, and the chase scene snaking through the subway tunnels of Los Angeles and the River Reservoir with Mini Coopers and motorcycles is tight and exciting to watch.  Unfortunately, none of that makes us care about what happens to these people all that much.  The revenge this crew so hoped for feels sort of anti-climactic, although I won’t spoil things by explaining why.  The final scenes between Charlie and Steve lack any sort of believability, and there are a few character-related plot threads that are never completed, namely the lack of a description of the “bad experience” Left Ear once had with dogs. 

While this movie did make me curious enough to want to seek out the original Italian Job, it didn’t make me look forward to the home video release date of this one. 

Larry Smoak
June 20, 2003

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