November 2003

Mellissa,

Hello. Mellissa, I don't know how to tell you this, so I am going to simply start typing. Mellissa, when I first came to the table, met you, and got to know you a bit, I felt bad. I felt bad because I realized that, despite being in a relationship, I looked at you and found you amazingly beautiful. I'm not talking beautiful on the physical level, although you certainly are that. I meant that I was drawn to you in a way that caused me to think deep thoughts for days after. Because of guilt, I suppressed those feelings for what seems like a very long time.

Now . . . now things are different. I'm more drawn to you than ever, but I am single now. It seems to me that a lot of guys desire you for one reason or the other, and I'm sorry if this is an annoyance for you. I couldn't wait any longer. If this isn't a good thing, then please don't be angry at me. I am not doing this to annoy, hurt, or frustrate you. I don't want to seem like just another would-be-boyfriend. I only wish to tell you what you have inspired in my heart and in my mind.

Mellissa, every time we are around each other, I want to wrap around you and have you as close as I can. When we hug, I don't want to let you go. I want to caress your hair, feel you breathe in my arms, and whisper how I feel about you. I enjoy expressing my love in sweet yet physical ways, and I would give anything to simply hold you. I would love to kiss you on the forehead, the cheek, on the back and palm of your hands, and on your lips. I want to caress you, and make you feel special, beautiful, and amazingly loved and happy. I feel a sweet fire in my heart when you touch me. The thought of you touching me like lovers do sends a shiver up my spine. I would love to learn how to kiss you, and then practice a lot! Every time I hear/think about your shoulders, I want to massage you and make you feel better. I would be willing to learn massage for the sole purpose of making your shoulders feel better. I love your voice. I don't know if you have ever been complimented on that, but it's true. I love to listen to you, and to make you laugh. Your laugh is an endearing thing, Mellissa, and you look so cute when you laugh! You're cute no matter what (I adore you, by the way), but you're especially cute when you laugh.

I once learned a bit about something called love languages, and my main one is probably gift giving. Mellissa, when I gave you that stuffed Ryo-Ohki, I did so as a friend. Now . . . I would love to give you little gifts as your love. I want to look into your eyes and know that I just gave you a bit of happiness. That would never get old. You could inspire the greatest poetry I could write, and I would give you a lot of poetry. I would give you my heart if you would be willing to accept it.

Mellissa, this next part might not mean much to you. I know you have been a model, and I know a lot of guys give you a lot of complements, so my complementing your physical beauty may not have that much impact . . . but I have to say it. Mellissa, on the night I am writing the first draft of this, you and I went out with our friends and saw, "Matrix Revolutions." You made a comment that you weren't wearing any make up . . . and I was shocked. The entire night, I kept looking at you and thinking, "She is so . . . lovely/beautiful/hot/amazing/perfect!" I know I didn't say anything, but there is a reason behind that. I'll explain later. I stare at your face, and I debate on which is more beautiful: your hair, your eyes, or your lips. You have made some comments about your nose, and every time you do, I think, ". . . but it's so cute!" I want to kiss the tip of your nose sometime. I love to just look at you (in a proper manner, mind you!) and admire you, Mellissa. The darkest dream that I could have with you in it would be a good one, if only because your beauty would shine like a beacon, guiding and protecting me. The one time I was in your room, I saw that picture of you on your wall . . . the one with the flowers? When my eyes first hit that picture, the world went away for a little while. I heard nothing, I saw nothing else, my heart stopped, and I didn't breathe. It was like I was stunned, or under some kind of hypnoses, only it was a very good thing. You are beautiful, cute, endearing, sexy, and adorable all at once.

What I find odd, though, is that when I think of you when we're apart, Mellissa, your beauty isn't the first thing that comes up. What I love most is that you are intelligent, funny, caring, and sweet. You have been there through my down time, and I would do anything to hold you through yours. I want to get to know you, Mellissa. I want to try to understand you. I want to show my mind, heart, and soul to you. I also think of ways to make you happy. I bought that, "I Love Pirates," shirt for you in hopes that it would merely make you smile. I realize that happiness isn't all giving of gifts and such, and I would do anything just to have the chance to make you happy. I would learn how to make you happy, and then do it.

There is another thing about what I feel for you. I didn't think much of it, really, until I told one of my friends about it. Since I have realized these feelings for you, I regard women differently. I have never treated women as objects; please don't get the wrong impression of what I'm about to say. When I look at guys, I have always had a pretty good sense of if women would find him attractive or not. I feel no attraction for the guy (I'm as straight as it gets), but I can usually tell if "chicks will dig" the guy. Now, since I have begun really feeling what I feel for you, the same thing has happened to every other woman I see. It's like the only woman in the world is Mellissa Rae Adams (love your name, too). You outshine everyone to the point of making them dull. That has never happened to me before, and I feel like it has to mean something.

I love being with you. We laugh a lot together. I feel like we can have amazing conversations on any topic. We can watch a movie and make our little comments, we can play in toys stores, and eating with you is a true pleasure. I would like to find out what more we can experience and explore together. I believe we could have fun adventures together. You're fun, you're funny, and I respect your intelligence just as much as I respect your emotions. I feel like I could trust you, and that's saying more than you may ever know. I would devote myself to you. I would place you first in all of my thoughts. I would treat you with honor, respect, love, tenderness, and passion. You would never doubt my love for you, and I would die before giving you a reason to doubt my faithfulness. I would protect you with my life, but not be possessive. I would be loyal to you. I would never want to smother you, and I would certainly never take you for granted. I want to support and nurture your growth as an individual. I would like to evolve with you. I would also love to cook for you!

One last thing, Mellissa, is that I know you're a Christian. Whether or not I have shown it, I am, too. I own and read a Bible, and I pray often. I wasn't raised in a very religious household, despite the churchgoing habits of my parents. I don't have the Christian instincts, like praying before meals (which meant a lot to me when you did it that one night). I would love to grow as a Christian, and to find a church to go to. As in most things, it seems, I would love to do so by your side.

Mellissa, I know I am not perfect. I don't really consider myself physically attractive. I know I have plenty of faults, mental as well as physical. All I know is that if you can accept me, I would give you my all. I would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I would treat you as my tough, super-powered princess who is to be adored at all times. I may seem a bit awkward when I am around you, but there is a reason for that. It's because I want nothing more than to embrace you and kiss you, then whisper a very heartfelt, "I love you," into your ear. I hold back from this because I am afraid. I cherish our time together, and if you were to refuse my love, I fear it would ruin things between us. The risk of that is great, yet the risk of never knowing and thus never having a chance of being with you . . . I can't put into words how badly that would torment me. I have thought, talked, and prayed this over for a while now, and I am sure that I am doing this for the right reasons.

Another reason I have held back as much as I have is because I had another fear. I didn't want you to feel like a rebound girl. I know that I am relatively recently single, but there is something you should know. Stephanie and I broke up in early October, and I was very hurt from that. I have had a lot of things to get over in my life, so the greiving period wasn't as long as one might have expected. When she tried to get me back, I resisted because I saw two things within me. I saw that she and I were very wrong for each other, and I saw that my affection for you had gone from an extrememly strong interest to a desire to a very real and deep love. Mellissa, I'm not saying this because I think you owe me anything. You don't. Moreover, I don't want to give you the impression that you are the reason Stephanie and I aren't together. Very far from it. I took time, though, and examined what I feel for you. You're not an escape from being single, you're not a replacement, you're not a tool of revenge, and you're not a bandage. You're just you, Mellissa, and I simply love you.

So . . . I guess that brings this to an end. How do you feel? I couldn't be mad at you if you decline to accept my heart. I would never hate you, and if you would be willing to still be around & talk to me, I would work on regarding you as a dear friend. If you wish for time to decide, then you have all the time you'll need. I am willing to wait for you, be it a week, month, or even year. If you decide to give me a chance, then I would be comfortable with whatever pace you would be most comfortable with. I wouldn't expect you to instantly feel for me what I feel for you. Please though, Mellissa . . . allow me to learn to love you the way you want to be loved.

please . . . no matter what your reaction to this, check out the original.
http://geocities.datacellar.net/a_flory/index.html
I think you'll see why.