The Edge of Goodbye
by Starhawk
"Good morning Vietnam!" a voice shouted, inexplicably cheerful and far too clear to be insulated by the door. "This is the Pigmy House Call, coming to--whoa!"
There was a muffled exclamation as someone else apparently stumbled into the "house caller", and he heard someone swear. The noise was an unwelcome distraction from the peaceful bliss of sleep, and he groaned tiredly as he tried to roll away from the source of the commotion.
Wide silver eyes stared into his own, and comprehension crashed home.
"Oh, hell," he whispered fervently.
The open door let him hear the morning bickering without muffling. As the rest of the self-appointed "house callers" pounded on doors and burst into unlocked rooms, dragging the crew out of bed and dodging threats of death or worse, the silence of his own room became an unnatural counterpoint to the good-natured chaos that typified early morning in the crew quarters.
Aura moved first, sitting up without a word and pulling her short-sleeved shirt on over her head. Her complete lack of modesty startled Carlos into action, and he scrambled out of bed half-dressed. "Everyone get out," he ordered, glaring at his crewmates. "Now!"
Yarrow and Seth glanced at each other, then back at him. "Uh, Carlos?" Yarrow said, her usual buoyancy abruptly subdued. "This isn't--"
"Get *out*," he growled, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop what would inevitably happen now. All he could do was buy them a few extra seconds of privacy, and whatever it took, he was going to make sure they had those short moments.
"Right," Seth agreed, backing toward the door. Before he could reach it, however, a pillow impacted against the doorway and maniacal laughter heralded Kelly's arrival.
"Missed me!" she shrieked, taking cover inside the doorway as she leaned out into the hallway to taunt the pillow-thrower. "You suck; you can't even hit a girl!"
Rob appeared in the doorway, towered over her diminutive figure. "Who sucks?" he asked, a dangerous expression on his face.
"Get out of my room!" Carlos shouted.
"Chill, Carlos," Kelly chided, ducking behind Seth as Rob glowered at her. "We're just having a..." She whirled when Seth stepped out of the way, and her eyes widened as she caught sight of their Ranger supervisor pulling her hair into its customary ponytail on the bed behind Carlos. "Bloody--! What's going on in here?!"
"We're just having a little fun," Seth said firmly, shoving her unceremoniously toward the door. "Now move."
"Yeah, move," Rob echoed, a leering grin on his face as he folded his arms and waited for her to be ejected into the hallway. He might not have noticed Aura for all he reacted to the scene inside Carlos' room.
Kelly ducked half-heartedly as she stepped through the doorway, but she was still looking over her shoulder and Rob's second swing with the pillow connected solidly with her head. Her stifled yelp of protest was lost as Seth and Yarrow followed her out and the accumulating crew in the hallway was cut off by the closing of the doors.
"Man, Aura," he said helplessly, turning back toward her. "I'm so sorry; I never meant for any of this to happen. I should have thought, last night--"
"This is no fault of yours," she interrupted. Her tone was curt as she pulled her soft-soled boots on over her bare feet. "I am entirely to blame in this situation, but I fear you will not be spared the repercussions. I am sorry for that; and if there is any way to change it I will do so."
He stared at her, trying to read anything of her feelings through the impassive sound of her voice and the hard set of her shoulders. She stamped her feet into her boots and climbed to her feet, avoiding his gaze as she swung her vest over her shoulders. "I must go," she said, flipping her ponytail out from under her vest before she tugged it closed. "We will likely not see each other again after this."
"What?" he demanded, cold fear gripping his heart as he realized she was preparing to leave without another word. "Aura, what are you talking about? What's going on?"
She lifted her gaze to his at last, but her eyes were guarded, uncaring. "You knew this would happen," she said dispassionately. The words were accusing even if her tone was not. "There is no way to avoid the inquiry that will now follow. You will be summoned before the ambassadorial board, where they will decide whether or not you will be invited to leave. I will do everything in my power to prevent that, but my word will mean little in this instance. I will no doubt be stripped of my Ranger status before the board can be assembled."
"That isn't what I meant," he objected, forcing the words out past the lump in his throat. "I meant you--what's..." He swallowed the words what's wrong? before he could make a total fool of himself. "God, I'm so sorry," he repeated, knowing how useless his words were now.
She tilted her head, giving him a curious look. Shadowed though it was, it almost made him smile. How many times had she looked at him like that, eyes twinkling with fond tolerance or amusement at his "alien" ways?
"This is no fault of yours," she said again. She spoke more slowly, as though he had simply not understood the first time. "My actions are inexcusable, and I regret their effect on you far more than you can know."
"Whoa, wait," he interjected, frowning at her. "This was my choice as much as yours. It's my fault too, and I won't let you pretend it isn't."
She shook her head, shooting a fierce look at the floor. She didn't answer, but suddenly he knew that expression. She was furious with herself, and she was trying not to show it.
"Aura--" He had begun before he could stop himself, but he knew even as he spoke that this might be the thing that turned her barely contained anger onto him. "I love you."
He shouldn't say it when she was so obviously regretting everything about the night before, but he had to. He had fallen for her without even realizing it, and if he never saw her again he would hate himself for not telling her now. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you now, but if I have to then that's the way it is."
He ignored the meaning of his words, just trying to get them out so she would know he forgave her for not loving him back. "I'm so glad that I could be your friend all these months, and I hate that I had to ruin it with what I said last night. I shouldn't have told you how I felt, and if I could change it I would--"
"No," she said, cutting him off with a single word. It was a moment before he realized that she was now staring at him, and it took even longer before he noticed his vision was blurred by tears. "I would not. Did you--what are you saying, Carlos?"
He swallowed, trying to take a deep breath and feeling it catch in his throat. "I'm saying... I'm sorry," he managed, stopping when he heard his voice tremble.
"No," she repeated slowly. "You are saying you love me."
"You know that," he muttered, trying to glare his tears away and failing.
"I knew that last night," she corrected. "I did not believe it this morning."
The admission made him swallow again, and as he blinked he realized that the inscrutability had gone from her expression. Her silver eyes were unshuttered and vulnerable, and she stared back at him with a miserable gaze that probably mirrored his own. Despite the hopelessness that filled the air, he felt a rush of euphoria at her whispered, "I love you."
He closed his eyes, caught between joy and despair. "What are we going to do?" he asked, not expecting an answer.
She had one anyway. "The only thing we can do," she murmured, and he felt her fingers brush his. He caught her hand in his instantly, squeezing it hard as he opened his eyes to look at her. "Have faith," she finished softly.
He sighed, forcing himself to smile as he searched her expression. "You and your faith," he complained, half-serious. "There's no way this can work out."
"Everything works out," she answered. "Just not always the way we wish it would."
He shook his head, half-exasperated and half-amused by such a typical response. "If it doesn't work out the way we want it to, what's the difference?"
"This," she said, leaning forward to kiss him gently.
She drew back almost before he realized what she had done, but he knew somehow that he would remember that moment for a long time to come. "Do you really think that will make a difference?" he whispered, wanting to hear her say yes.
"It has to," she said simply. "What else is there?"
They stood in silence for another long moment, taking comfort from each other's presence. He refused to think that this was the last time they would ever be alone together, but he couldn't help wincing as she drew in a breath. "The longer I stay, the more complicated matters become," she said at last.
He sighed again, squeezing her fingers one last time. "I know," he admitted, feeling her hand slide out of his. "I... I'm sorry, Aura."
"As am I," she said softly. "But only for what cannot happen now. Not for anything that already has."
He didn't have to force a smile this time, and he saw answering affection on her face. "Same here," he said, watching her reach for her wrist. He stared at the place where she had been for some time after that, and the green afterglow that remained imprinted on his vision after she teleported slowly faded into nothing.
***
Conversation began to taper off as soon as he walked into the rec area, and by the time he set his tray down at the mess table the rest of the crew had fallen completely silent. He sat down in his usual place without a word, stabbing at his food with unnecessary vehemence. He really didn't want anything to eat, but if he didn't put in an appearance the rumors would only get worse, and staring at his food was the best alternative he could come up with to watching everyone else stare at him.
At the other end of the table, the crew supervisor picked up his tray and got to his feet. No one said anything as he walked around the table and tossed an electronic card down in front of Carlos. Carlos didn't move, and the super offered, "Sorry, kid."
When Carlos still didn't answer he moved off, returning his tray and pausing in the doorway on his way out. "Everyone else, workbay at seven and a half. Don't be late."
Carlos stared at the card as their super vanished from the rec area, dreading what he would see on it. But he couldn't just ignore it... He heard Aura again, telling him to have faith, and he reached reluctantly for the little device.
It responded when he tapped the touchpad in the lower corner, and a brief summons appeared on the left half of the card readout. He just gazed at it, not knowing how to react. Yesterday everything had been fine, and today... this couldn't be happening.
"Busted?" Seth asked neutrally, his voice low.
Carlos nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
"It wasn't us," Yarrow said at last, when the silence grew heavy and still he didn't say anything. "We didn't tell Mark anything until one of the Rangers showed up and handed him that."
That was more than he would have asked, had he given it any thought. He did wonder how the summons had appeared, if not thanks to any of the crew, but he couldn't bring himself to wonder for long. The reality of a review was finally settling in, and he knew the odds of him being able to stay after this were vanishingly small. And even if he were allowed to stay, Aura had probably been right when she said they wouldn't see each other. She would, at the very least, be reassigned.
"I can't eat, and I can't sleep
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe"
He pushed his tray away, watching it slide over the card and hide it from sight. The way their relationship should have been. He had *known* someone would burst in if he left the door unlocked, but he hadn't expected to fall asleep... if she lost her Power over this, he doubted he would ever forgive himself.
"Thanks," he muttered at last, letting his gaze meet Yarrow's briefly before he got to his feet. The last thing he wanted was to talk, but he knew that wasn't enough. "I'm sorry, for all this. Whatever happens... I hope it won't reflect badly on the rest of the crew."
"Hey, man." Seth's words stopped him just as he was about to turn away. "If it's none of my business, just tell me, but--why?"
Carlos hesitated, but there was only one answer to that question. "Because I'm in love with her."
No one said anything else as he turned to walk away, and he was allowed to leave without further questioning. He made his way to the lift and rode it up three levels, more aware than ever of the alien hum of generators and the bioluminescent glow that lit the dome. These were the things that had entranced him when he first arrived, but their novelty had worn off as the weeks went by. Now, faced with the possibility of imminent departure, they seemed fascinatingly alien all over again.
The door to the chamber he had been instructed to report to stood open, but it was the transparency at the end of the hall that caught his eye. He wandered over to the window, looking out at the sealanes that connected every dome in the city. He couldn't help remembering the "driving lessons" they had all been given when they first arrived. It had been an entertaining couple of afternoons, made more so--for him at least--by the fact that Aura was out there "coaching" them while they struggled to master the diver controls.
In fact, he remembered with a smile, what she had actually been doing was running rings around them. And probably laughing while she did it, too. The comm would periodically come alive with her sometimes-helpful instructions, and they would do their best to keep up without running into each other in the process.
His smile faded as he wondered if he would ever have the opportunity to put those lessons to use again. Getting chosen for Aquitian exchange was quite possibly the best thing that had ever happened to him, and now he had to face the fact that the best part of the experience would be what brought it to an end.
"I break down and cry, not knowing why
But now I can't lie, I'm standing on the edge of goodbye"
She wasn't there when he finally entered the room, but three of her teammates were--including the one who had stumbled over them the night before. *Not her,* he thought, considering the leader of the Aquitian Rangers. *She wouldn't have turned us in after last night... would she?*
"Carlos Vargas," someone announced, and he looked up in time to see the ambassador from Earth rise.
No response seemed to be required, so he stayed silent.
"Have a seat," the ambassador added, gesturing him forward. The Aquitian liaison was there as well, and they both waited for him to have a seat across the table from them at the front of the room.
The ambassador didn't waste any time. "Do you know why you're here, Carlos?"
He tried not to grimace at the woman's condescending tone. "I have a pretty good idea, yeah."
"Why don't you tell us?" she invited.
Avoiding her gaze, he muttered, "I'd rather not."
She sighed, but it was a token sigh, as though she had expected that response and she wanted him to know it. "Then I'll explain it to you. It has been suggested by reliable sources that you, Carlos, have been exercising poor judgement lately."
He tried to keep a straight face, he really did. But finally he had to look away in a futile attempt to conceal a mocking smile. She saw it anyway, of course, and her tone was unamused as she asked, "Something funny?"
"Is that what it's called now?" he asked, before he could stop himself. He knew he shouldn't antagonize her, but this whole thing had been set up from the start. He and Aura had been turned in--though by whom he still wasn't sure--and he could tell from her tone that his fate had already been decided. It wasn't fair. "It's poor judgement to make friends? To learn more about a culture we were sent here to experience?"
Her tone was distinctly chilly when she replied, "Experiencing the culture and fraternizing with the locals are entirely different things, Mr. Vargas."
Carlos grimaced, not missing the sudden change in his appellation. He cocked his head and leaned forward, unaware of the Aquitian mannerism until after he had done it. "'To fraternize,'" he quoted anyway. "'To act in a brotherly manner, to befriend.' So sue me; I'm guilty."
"You have two choices, Mr. Vargas," she informed him, ignoring his sarcasm. "Seidon and I have already decided, for various reasons, that you would be better off back on Earth. You may accept this judgement, or you may ask for a review--but I must warn you, the chances that the decision will be changed are... slim, at best."
"Democracy in action," he muttered under his breath. "That's what I love about the system."
"You are a minor, Mr. Vargas," she reminded him sharply. "Your parents have entrusted you to our care, and as such, we are ultimately responsible for anything that happens to you. Our decision is based on what we believe to be in your best interests. You are of course free to challenge it."
Carlos snorted. "After you've already told me I won't convince you to change it?"
She didn't answer, and he shrugged. "Fine," he told her. "I want a review." It might not change anything, but there was no way he was going without a fight.
***
The review didn't take long. He did find some small amount of satisfaction in forcing the ambassador to disrupt both crew and Ranger schedules to make it happen, but other than that the event was a waste of time. Yarrow and Rob both testified in his favor, somewhat to his surprise--neither mentioned nor was questioned about the incident that morning, which further convinced him that it hadn't been one of the crew that reported him.
Cetaci refused to speak on his behalf, on the grounds that she didn't know enough about him to comment, but she also refused to speak against him or her teammate. In fact, she denied knowledge of relations between her teammate and any of the crew, which startled him more than his crewmates' silence. While theirs were lies of omission, Cetaci's was a blatantly untrue statement.
Then Aura arrived. He caught his breath, biting his lip to keep the ambassador from noticing. She looked untouchable in her Ranger uniform, protected--or hidden--behind the Aquitian expression of impassivity. He did take some comfort in seeing that uniform for it meant that, so far at least, her status was intact--but it was so different from the carefree girl he had raced through the garden dome the night before...
"All of those years came rushing through my mind
I found myself back in a simpler time"
He couldn't help the flood of memories that surged into his mind at the sight of her, but he hid it as best he could. He even tried not to glare at the ambassador when she asked Aura exactly what her relationship with him was, though he wasn't sure he succeeded.
"Carlos is a gifted person and an excellent student," Aura replied, staring straight ahead. "Nothing else I can say is relevant to this gathering."
"So there is more you can say?" the ambassador pressed, and Carlos gritted his teeth.
Aura only cocked her head, glancing curiously at the ambassador from Earth. "There are things I could say about everyone in this room--including yourself, Madam Ambassador. But I do not mention them, because they are not relevant."
Her tone was that of someone explaining something to a particularly obtuse child, and it was enough to silence the other woman. Not enough to change her mind, but at least she backed down momentarily--long enough for Aura to stand again and excuse herself.
He tried not to watch her go, but he couldn't help shooting a quick glance after her as she reached the door. He saw her twist her head slightly as she turned down the hallway, looking back once just before she vanished from sight. Her guard was down again and her despair came through clearly in that last gaze, bringing tears to his own eyes no matter how he fought to suppress them.
"Just two young kids running on fire and dreams
And in her eyes I realized she was calling out to me"
The next divertable transport wouldn't arrive until that evening, so he was given the day to pack. Every single member of the crew found occasion to stop by that afternoon, some of them before they were supposed to be free. He hated to think that they might get into trouble on his account, but he supposed it was too late to worry about that.
Even Mark, their human super, came by. "To wish you well", he said at first, but finally he admitted that he had tried everything he could think of to get Carlos permission to stay. "It sucks, kid," he said, "but someone really wants you out of here. I don't know who turned you in--hell, I didn't even know anything was going on--but they made sure you wouldn't just get your wrist slapped. You were going to be sent home even before the review."
"I know," Carlos muttered. "Our wonderful 'ambassador' made that very clear to me."
"It's amazing the woman ever got into diplomacy," the super agreed. "But you're a good kid, Carlos. If you ever need anything, you let me know, all right?"
"Yeah," Carlos agreed, trying to smile. "Thanks, man."
"Hey--" Mark clapped him on the shoulder. "I mean it. A recommendation, a friend, or a place to crash; you've got it."
"Thanks," Carlos repeated. "I really appreciate it."
"Yeah, well, I don't like seeing my students treated unfairly. Something fishy happened here--if you'll forgive the pun--and if I ever figure out what it was I'm going to make sure you know about it. Take care of yourself, Carlos."
*Fishy,* Carlos thought later, as he yanked his duffel bag shut. He would never be able to hear the Aquitian fish jokes again without remembering the feel of Aura's lips on his. The Aquitians were as much mammals as he was, and about as warm-blooded as they came...
"I would do anything to let her know
There's just no way my heart can let her go"
Another quiet knock on his door interrupted that memory, and he sighed. He thought he had already spoken to everyone in the crew quarters; he couldn't imagine who else could be out there. "Come in," he called half-heartedly, turning to see who it was.
The Yellow Ranger stepped through the door. "Cestria," he said, startled. "I--" He remembered suddenly to press his fingertips together in the traditional Aquitian greeting. "Good afternoon."
She returned the greeting with a nod. "I fear it is not a good afternoon, and it shows little sign of improvement," she said with a small sigh. "But I appreciate the sentiment."
"I'm sorry," he offered quietly, not knowing why he was telling her. He barely knew her, but Aura always spoke well of her, and she seemed to radiate a friendliness that made him trust her without needing to understand it. "I never meant for this to happen--the last thing I wanted was for her to get into trouble."
Cestria smiled, just a little. "Aura finds trouble, even where others see none. It is an endearing but sometimes difficult trait to live with."
"I wouldn't have minded trying," he said softly, not meaning her to hear but unable to keep the words to himself.
"No," Cestria agreed. "Aura believes that as well, and it was her unyielding faith in you that caused Cetaci to mislead your ambassador at the review this morning."
Carlos tried not to grimace. "For all the good it did. Do you think you could you tell her thank you from me? I really appreciated that, but I couldn't exactly say anything at the time."
"Of course," Cestria said, studying him. "In fact, that was my purpose in seeking you out--to inquire about any messages you might wish to have delivered."
His gaze snapped back to her, hearing what she meant instead of what she said. "You'd do that?"
"She is my teammate," Cestria said simply.
He swallowed, asking the question he had been afraid to until now. "What--what's going to happen, after I leave?"
"She has already been reassigned," Cestria told him.
He waited, but she said nothing more. "That's it? She thought--she was worried she might have to leave the team."
Cestria looked almost amused at that idea. "Cetaci will resign herself before allowing that to happen, and the rest of us are no less committed. If the government wishes to recruit an entirely new team of Rangers, without our support or assistance, then they may ask Aura to leave. Otherwise, the existing team remains."
He couldn't help remembering the White Ranger's words the night before. "I will not be able to protect you if this becomes known." Another "misleading" statement? Or had she meant that though she would try she *might* not be able to protect Aura? From what he could tell, she seemed to be doing a fair job of it so far.
"You do not know everything that has occurred here," Cestria said quietly, and the amusement was gone from her expression. "Even I do not understand it completely, but I do realize that you have been the victim of circumstances not entirely of your own choosing. For that, and for the result that you now face, I am sorry."
He frowned, struck by her apparent confirmation of Mark's suspicions. "What do you mean, 'not entirely of my own choosing'?"
She hesitated, and when she spoke again her tone was low, as though she thought someone else might overhear. "I mean only that if circumstances had been different, it is entirely possible that you and Aura could have escaped notice indefinitely. I can not tell you more now, but she may be able to in the future."
He gave her a sharp look. "In the future?"
Cestria tilted her head. "I told you I came for any messages you wished to relay," she reminded him, still speaking quietly. "I also bring you one from Aura."
When she didn't volunteer anything more, he tried to hide his impatience. "What is it?"
"She says only that she will see you again," Cestria replied. "But she wanted you to know that she swears by it."
He swallowed hard, caught speechless by the promise and not sure how to reply. If only he could see her, just once more... but she had said he would, hadn't she? He only had to have faith. And given that, there was only one thing he could say.
"Tell her I love her," he said softly. "And that I'll be waiting."
"I break down and cry, not knowing why
But now I can't lie, I'm standing on the edge of goodbye"
He watched the eerily Neptune-like image of Aquitar dwindle on the forward screen of the now Earth-bound transport. The spinning blue shimmer became a bright twinkle of light before fading into obscurity against the star-speckled heavens. His heart refused to accept that today might be the last time he saw it.
The transport leapt into hyperrush before clearing the edge of the system, and the familiar Aquitian constellations twisted and merged into phantom swirls of computer-generated color. He continued to stare at the screen anyway, not wanting to think about what lay behind him and not ready to face what waited up ahead. Instead he contented himself with staring into the oddly red-tinted swirls as the transport headed into the intergalactic void.
"I'm standing on the edge of goodbye
Goodbye"