Hiya! "Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Carribean.." Just kidding! ;-) Welcome to a wicked little spoof written by the one and only Adrienne Sekitou and myself, QuesTails. Anybody that has read Adri's stuff knows how good it is (Rangers to the Third Power..Read It!); anybody who has read my stuff was hallucinating, because it doesn't exist. I couldn't do this on my own. ;-) Actually, Adri-chan did most of the writing, I was mostly inspiration...well, I really can't say that..this *is* a spoof, and I'm responsible for quite a bit of it. *wicked grin* (Happy now, Julia-chan? *wink*) Enough chatter, on to the important things..First off, this is a spoof..Spoof...*SPOOF*! The opinions reflected herein are not necessarily what we really think. Its supposed to be *funny* Flame if you want..I'm at QuesTails@tnaccess.com, Adri at asekitou@hotmail.com..just send a copy to both Adri and myself, so we *both* can laugh at you and tell you to get a sense of humor. (Use the "Cc" line in the email form, it means 'carbon copy' *sweet smile*) Oh, and if you have something positive to say we'd like an email on that even better 8-) (hint, hint!) Second: This is NOT General Admission..we give it a PG-13 rating due to language and innuendo. So, if you are easily offended you have been warned, and can stop reading now. 8-) A big thanks to Jeremy Ray for proofing this at the last minute. You’re the best! Last but not least, we don't own the Rangers, Saban does, we don't own the songs..*waves a hand* blah blah..you know the drill. We're in this to make people laugh, not get rich. One final note..if the title doesn't make sense to you yet, that's because it isn't supposed to. *another wicked grin* Don't worry, it will. And now, in the words of Timon.."It starts."

“I’ve never met a female Ranger before,” Zhane casually remarked as he kissed Ashley’s hand, staring deep into her eyes. Ashley played the part of the fair maiden with practiced skill, blushing and smiling coyly. From behind her came the sounds of retching.

“Oh please!” Cassie said, while mimicking gagging. “What is with all of you guys? You act like she’s the only woman in the universe!”

“Well, she is, isn’t she? The only one that *matters* anyway,” Andros remarked with a dismissive shrug. He wasn’t really paying attention to Cassie. Zhane was still kissing Ashley’s hand and Andros was too busy staring daggers at his recently awoke best friend. I wonder if I can use my telekinesis to pull his brain out through his nose? Andros thought. If he doesn’t get his horny frozen butt away from her in about 3 seconds, we’re gonna find out.

“There’s another woman on board this ship you know,” Cassie pointed out, wanting to slug everyone of them.

“Huh?” Carlos tore his eyes off Ashley’s décolletage just long enough to glance at Cassie and reply, “No, not really. That’s just Alpha’s rotten new voice,” Carlos said, shooting a nasty look in Andros’ direction. “Andros was just too stupid to fix it properly and now he sounds like a girl.”

“Too stupid?!” Andros had decided to skip giving Zhane a telekinetic nasal lobotomy and had opted instead for dragging Zhane off of Ashley, pinning him to the floor and trying to pull his arms off. “Since when was *I* the stupid one?” Andros quickly left Zhane to concentrate on this new threat that stood between him and Ashley. “Who keeps running off and getting hurt, or stung and transformed?” he countered, tackling Carlos as they began to fight it out.

“Well, if you ask me, y’all both suck,” Zhane sneered happily as he ran back over to Ashley’s side.

“WE DIDN’T, SO SHUT UP!” Carlos and Andros yelled in unison even as they were trying to choke each other to death.

“Hey big boy, you want to know what sucks?” Cassie asked seductively as she stepped between Zhane and Ashley. She grabbed him by the uniform and commenced to kissing him hard enough to remove fillings. When she pulled back she noticed with satisfaction the dazed expression of his face. She turned away from him with a flip of her hair and noted with further satisfaction, *glee* even, the Well and Truly PO’d look on Ashley’s face. Cassie gave Ashley her sweetest smile, and a look which said, ‘Beat *that*!’

“Oh, and one more thing,” said Cassie, pivoting back towards the still stunned Zhane. She stepped in close to him and rested her hands on his shoulders.

“Y-y-yes?” squeaked Zhane.

Still holding his uniform by the shoulders, Cassie gave him a seductive smile that would have turned Cleopatra herself green with envy, leaned close to his face and commented, “And this is for being a chauvinistic asshole!” She stepped back and swung her right leg forward. All action on the bridge momentarily ceased at the sickening *crunch* her shin made as it connected with his crotch. “Merry Christmas! You might want to ice that *Sweetie*.” She smiled down at him as he sank to his knees with a thin moan that was about three octaves higher than his normal speaking voice.

Ashley had been standing back laughing all this time, enjoying the chaos around her, and the fact that she was the cause of it made it even better. “Hey!!” She ran up to Cassie and separated her from Zhane. “What do you think you’re doing messing with my guys?”

“Your guys!! As if! How come every guy is ‘your guy’?”

“I can’t help it if everyone wants me,” Ashley said with a innocent smile, fingering the necklace Andros had given her.

“Not everyone wants you,” Cassie snapped. “What about TJ?” She indicated the Blue Ranger with a toss of her head; he had been working quietly at his station seemingly ignoring everything.

“Yeah? So what? TJ doesn’t want you either. Besides, there’s only one reason he hasn’t fallen for me and we all know what that is,” Ashley implied arching an eyebrow and glancing in his direction.

“Hey! I heard that!” TJ shouted, “And it’s not true!” But no one was listening. Sensing this, TJ turned back to his workstation with a sigh. I didn’t realize they had noticed, he thought. He glanced over his shoulder at Andros and Carlos, still engaged in their deathmatch over Ashley. Well, he thought, it’s not like I can help it. That striped hair is just so sexy. TJ sighed once more, then turned his attention back to the SimuDeck program he was writing. Well, there’s always this, he thought. Just because he likes Ashley doesn’t mean I can’t have *my* cake and... heh heh... eat it too.

“I have guys after me too ya know!” Cassie continued.

“Who? You mean the Phantom and your dog?” Ashley laughed. “That just proves that the Phantom isn’t human. If he was he would have fallen for me like everyone else. As for your dog, I *suppose* you could count him, but the ASPCA really frowns on that,” remarked Ashley with a sneer.

“Did I hear my name?” Out of nowhere appeared the Phantom Ranger, right on time. It was really a good thing, because as far as Cassie was concerned, Ashley’s comment about Jetson was the last straw, and Cassie was looking for a weapon to use on her. Cassie then turned her attention to the Phantom; fortunate for Ashley, unfortunate for the Phantom.

“No! ‘Cause you won’t TELL anyone your name!” Cassie said smacking him repeatedly. “Where have you been?! And why don’t you ever call?!”

“Hey, you got my beeper number, right Babe?”

“Don’t you DARE use that line on me again!” she screamed, punctuating it with another smack.

Ashley just snickered and started naming off all her guys. “I have Carlos, Andros, Zhane, and -”

“And Elgar?” Cassie added sweetly, turning away from Phantom for a moment. The Phantom tried to move away from her, but she held onto his arm tightly.

“What?!” Ashley stopped short on her list when she heard Cassie’s remark. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?”

“Well, you were ALONE with him for a long time when Astronema took your place. And we all know how irresistible you are to men!!” Cassie teased.

Ashley made a move toward Cassie, as the Phantom Ranger valiantly sacrificed his body trying to keep the two women apart. Ashley began listing off all of her guys again shouting them over the Phantom’s shoulder.

On the floor, Andros and Carlos were still fighting. “I’ve known her the longest!” Carlos shouted punching Andros. “She and I have been flirting since we met!”

“Oh yeah? Didn’t get you anywhere, did it? Because she came on to me the moment she met me!” Andros countered.

“You thought THAT was a come on? Get real! Whatever radioactivity turned your hair yellow is seeping into your brain!” shot back Carlos as he attempted to claw Andros’ eyes out. Zhane just squeaked from his kneeling position on the floor, looking like he was about to yack up his toenails from the pain.

“And I have Blue and Rob and...,” Ashley continued, counting off all of her admirers on her fingers.

“Um... TJ?” Alpha approached him timidly. TJ was the only one not engaged in some sort of battle, and Alpha felt he needed to report to someone.

TJ quickly hid his SimuDeck program. “What is it Alpha?!”

“We’re receiving a very strange signal on the all open communication frequencies.”

TJ sighed yet again, “Well put it on the speakers Alpha.” He hoped that it would be something to distract the others from their bickering. Alpha punched the proper buttons and soon the bridge was filled with loud sounds of laughter and singing.

The singing was suddenly interrupted by a conversation, punctuated with fits of laughter.

FIRST VOICE: Whoo-hoo! It’s the dirty stuff I like!
SECOND VOICE: Whoa! Lala kahle, mateys, I ain’t even gonna TOUCH that one!
THIRD VOICE: Makes me think of a Monty Python song... Arr harrr!
FIRST VOICE: Arr! No Monty Python, mateys, this isn’t the Adult Shoppe!*

“Just sounds like three hormonal women to me,” TJ commented, more than a little disappointed. The singing resumed, louder than ever.

Alpha quickly cut the transmission, fearing what could possibly be said next.

“Tommy? Who’s that?” Zhane squeaked.

“Tommy?! He is SO last season,” Andros said in a huff, unconsciously straightening his hair into the *strangely familiar* style he wore it in.

Ashley started evilly laughing again. “Given a chance, I could’ve had Tommy. And I KNOW *I* could have made him forget about that short chick.”

“THAT’S IT!!” Cassie screamed. “I’ve had it with all you losers!” She ripped off her morpher and threw it on the floor. “You can find someone else to be the Pink Ranger and stand in Ashley’s shadow! Come on Phantom!” Cassie grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off the bridge.

“But Cassie,” the Phantom could be heard in the hallway, “there’s only room for one person in my ship.”

“Well, make room mister!” The bridge door shut behind them, cutting off the rest of the conversation.

On the bridge Carlos and Andros stopped fighting and stared at Cassie’s abandoned morpher. “I guess we need a new Ranger,” Andros began.

Carlos looked at him as inspiration struck, “I’ve got an idea and it just might work!”

Not much later the team was whole again as Carlos, Andros, and Zhane admired the two Ashleys, one in pink and one in yellow, working on the bridge.

“Carlos, that was a great idea to recruit the Robot Ashley,” Andros said.

“Yeah, but there still isn’t enough of her to go around,” Zhane commented, his voice still a little squeaky.

“We could always build another Robot,” Carlos suggested. “But where would we get the parts for it?”

An evil smile spread across Andros’ face as he looked toward Alpha. “We don’t need *two* robots taking care of the MegaShip. We already have DECA.”

Zhane picked up a wrench from a console and walked over to Alpha. “Hey Alpha, I think you dropped something on the floor there.”

Alpha bent over to look, “Thank you Zhane. I’m so clumsy sometim--” Alpha didn’t get to finish his statement as Zhane deactivated him. Dusting his off hands, Zhane walked back over to the other guys.

“Now that that’s taken care of, where are we going to get powers for our new Ashley?”

An idea hit all three guys at the same time. Evil smiles spread across their faces as they turned to TJ who was oblivious to their stares. “Hey TJ,” Andros called, “Can we talk to you for a minute? Come here, buddy...”