TOO SERIOUS? OR NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH?
So I come in on Monday, the 9th of December, with a severe case of writer's block; the Rumpus ROM's articles are a week behind schedule (it's not my fault, I hadda do some REAL work last week!), I have a review of SCANNERS up to speed, but no commentary, [A]cerbic or otherwise.
Then I read my mail and my guestbook. Ouch. Excuse me while I apply a little Bactine to the scorch areas.
You might recall that the Rumpus ROM "B-Movie" page debuted with a piece on a little cyberpunk romp called NEMESIS. (Iff'n you don't, click the preceding link, read the offending piece, then hit your browser's BACK button to return here. We'll wait for you. Promise!)
Anywho, the gist of the review was that, while I dug the movie in general, it was still a better-than-average programmer whose lead (French kickboxer Olivier Gruner) was kind of a stiff in the acting department. No big deal, thought I, especially since SCANNERS lead Stephen Lack was even a lousier line-reader than ol' Olivier.
So: first, the following bit of jetsom in my guestbook:
Visitor: angie san
Reference: friend
Location: shang loo
WebSite: the shack of love
Web Info:
Contact:
Date: Mon, Dec 09, 1996 at 00:33:10 (EST)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments: You should change your review for Nemesis. Your not really a fan of B-maovies or actors and your giving the movie a bad rap. angie san
Umm. Lemme point out that:
"Angie San" is a character in NEMESIS (although to be perfectly fair, "Dixie Flatline" is a character from the novel NEUROMANCER -- which NEMESIS cribs much of its plot from!)
"Shang Loo" is a fictitious location from same
"the shack of love" is (as of this writing) an invalid Web address.
(Ace Ventura, upon seeing psychotic placekicker Ray Finkle's bedroom: "Obsessed much?")
Onward. The mailbox had the following missive from one "Blight@widespread.destruction" (another bogus address!):
maybe the movie's all around IDEA wasn't, but then again; what do you expect? What's your deal? On one hand you seem to praise the movie, and on the other you make it sound like a piece of sh*t. Obviously one should disregard your whole review--as you really don't HAVE a view in the first place.
Hanh? This made almost no sense -- until I scanned the next note, which was sent by a guy whose Web site includes a NEMESIS tribute page:
Just thought I would forward this message to you on the review you gave Nemesis. It was sent to me after visiting your page.
I visited the another site and was PISSED to say the least. The guy seems to like the movie, yet makes it sound like a damn joke. Now, I lOVED the movie. I liked the way Gruner played the part; in fact I'm not sure any actor that I know could have done it. Number two, he calls Gruner SKINNY. Now, if you see the guy--he is in NO way skinny. The guy has a build like Greek god statues!! Suffice to say, I felt that this guy didn't APPRECIATE the movie. Your page was much better -- better writing, and you didn't steal someone else's graphics. Oh well, there is always the "degrading fan" out there...I think I've just found Nemesis's nemesis.
He didn't have a e-mail address in the reply field.
("Blight" strikes again?)
All right. Time to kick in the ventilation fans and clear the air. While I'm of a like mind with Oscar Wilde ("It is better to be talked about than not talked about"), there's something bothersome about all of these flames. Is it just me, or are these people taking this just a little too seriously? I mean, come on, folks, these are movies, not the friggin' Nobel Peace Prizes! You two (or three) are acting like hard-core Trekkies, for crying out loud.
What I write here are opinions -- nothing more, nothing less. They're no more (or less) valid than the opinions of Andrew Sarris, or Siskel and Ebert, or Rex Reed. Or even Joe Bob Briggs. I reiterate: I liked NEMESIS a lot, despite its faults -- that's why I took the time to write about it. (As for Gruner being "skinny:" okay, he's no Kate Moss, but neither is he a Jean-Claude Van Damme in the muscle-bulk department. And regarding his line-reading: next to SCANNERS' Lack, Gruner IS Olivier [Lord Laurence, that is]. Again: in my opinion.) As for the less-than-reverent tone: that's the way I write. Blame it on Joe Bob. Or Lester Bangs. Or Harlan Ellison (whose own pokes at Barbara Streisand have pissed off more than a few of Babs' ultra-loyal fans -- none of which has cost Harlie any lost sleep). All influences, all amusing provacateurs.
(And as for "stealing" the NEMESIS graphic: if you'd bothered to look at the HTML code, you'd see I merely linked to it. And I doubt even the original user would claim any copyright notice to what is basically the front and back of the videocassette slipcover.)
There are plenty of entertainment sources that I like -- art, music, film/TV, whatever -- and some I am even mildly obsessed with (Salvador Dali, Stevie Nicks, the films of George Romero), but none that would cause me to "go postal" were someone to badmouth them. Go ahead, try it. Say "Stevie Nicks is ugly and can't sing" or "DAWN OF THE DEAD is the biggest pile of doggie doo since Clinton's reelection." Now, did I run out and buy an Uzi? Noooooo. The biggest rise you'd get out of me is a shrug and a noncommital "Well, that's YOUR opinion." Which it is. And these pages are mine.
So. Angie-San, "Blight,"
whoever: thanks for the feedback, chill out, and repeat to
yourselves "It's only a movie...only a movie...only a
movie..." And -- oh yeah -- next time, if you don't want
your dirty laundry aired in public, gimme a valid E-mail address
or Web URL. Public flame wars are so nasty... 
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