Acerbic Commentary

BIRTHDAY BLOOZ

This week was my birthday,

So what did I get?

Another year older, and deeper in debt.

The wife and the daughter defy me with glee

Then wonder why I'm so wrapped up in PC's.

I wrestle with FoxPro and Access all day

Then nightly pack UPS trucks for more pay.

My once-a-week jam band dissolved without warning,

And I pray that the car will start up in the morning.

Thank Christ for my modem and Internet link --

they're safer (and cheaper!) than hard drugs or drink.

Out there in the Matrix,

"Ye Olde CyberSpace,"

I think I've discovered a happier place.

If "'friends' are electric," as G. Numan said,

I've got enough voltage to rival Con Ed:

Dolores and Daring Dirk,

Speaker and Kat

All know where da Flatline's bent psyche is at --

and the gang at the CyberPavilion, who flirt

With the dancers who'll show you what's under their skirts!

Where HotBot can sniff out obsessions du jour

And the JPEGs on UseNet are far from demure.

Where "Ironside's Law" makes me stop in my tracks

To watch Mr. Mike give the good guys hard whacks,

And Joe Bob tallies up the breasts, blood, and kung fu

If you know what I mean

And I think that you do.

So don't cry for me, Argentina (or not)

If I bitch long and loud 'bout the life that I've got:

The rocker, the writer,

And the hacker in me

Are my Maginot Line against "mid-age crazy."

Meanwhile, keep coming back to my "virtual 'here'"

And I'll try to survive

The upcoming bad year.

(The above doggerel appears courtesy of a public-school education in Rockland and Westchester Counties [New York]. Any relations to real poetry, self-pity, and/or Suck magazine are deliberate. Intended as satire. And truth. And hyperbole.)

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