Acerbic Commentary

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST

(Methuselah Flatline strolls down Memory Lane -- in the wrong direction, of course...)

This may date me, but...

• I remember when "MIDI" was an ugly skirt-length and "crack" was something you found in your girlfriend's panties.

• I remember when plunking down five grand for a car would get you a Corvette, or a Camaro, or some other equivalent factory-equipped muscle car, that you could take down to yer local drag strip without embarrassing yourself. These days, five thou'll BARELY get you a slightly-used Hyundai. (Wasn't so long ago that five grand would get you a Yugo, but you still hadda pay extra to upgrade the twisted rubber band under the hood to a real engine...)

• I remember when NASA astronauts were national heroes, rather than the glorified truck drivers the space shuttle crews have become.

• I remember when "the following is brought to you in living color on NBC."

• I remember when there were only five VJ's on MTV -- and about as many videos in regular rotation.

• I remember when Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" signaled the schism between disco and rap music.

• (For that matter, I'm still trying to forget disco...)

• I remember my first orgasm. I also remember the first time I got laid, many years after that.

• I remember when Dan Ackroyd, Joe Piscopo, and Dudley Moore were still funny.

• I remember "porno chic." (For that matter, I remember when "porno films" really were. [Films, that is...])

• I remember cyclamates, when they were considered good and bad.

• I remember when movies were rated "M."

• I remember Supermarianation. More specifically, I remember Robert the Robot, Captain Black of the Mysterons, Troy Tempest and Phones, and Thunderbirds One, Two, and Five.

• I remember ASTRO BOY, EIGHTH MAN, and GIGANTOR -- although in light of MTV's recent resurrection of SPEED RACER, I'm not sure if I should...

• I remember Windows 1.0, 1-2-3 Release 1A, and Lotus HAL.

• I remember when the function keys were still on the left.

• I remember when WordStar and Multimate were the ne plus ultra of PC text moshing.

• I remember when installing software on your hard disk consisted of COPY A:*.*

• I remember when Borland owned Turbo Basic -- and didn't own dBase or Brief.

• I remember "RAM cram."

• I remember Pong, analog pinball machines, and Adventure. ("You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.")

• I remember when Satellite Software Inc. had yet to change the company name to match their cash cow, i.e. WordPerfect.

• I remember when the movie WAR GAMES seemed like a pretty accurate portrait of hacking.

• (Hell, I remember when "personal computer" was still an oxymoron!)

• I remember April Rusello. I wonder if she still remembers me...

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