Thank You For the
Free Story That I Like It...

(free is good)

McYankee Doodle Flow McDehydrator Formula 9 Bell Grande Bee

an essay by Mhat Bernstein
I don't get it... There are so many really bizarre things that people think of, and I don't understand (first of all) how they think of those things or (secondly) why they think of those things. Case in point: 'Taco Bell."...? Whaat?! Who thought of that? Okay, everyone who knows me knows that I have a big hang-up about the whole Taco Bell paradox, but how about all those other stupid weird little things we have come to take for granted? Case 2 in point: the song 'Yankee Doodle Dandee.' Again, ...? What the heck is up with that? First of all, were his parents hippies or what?... because there is absolutely NO other excuse for naming your kid something like that. Secondly, what is with the whole feather/macaroni thing? A guy named Doodle Dandee goes around sticking feathers in his hat...? Okay, again, I can accept that. Maybe he wants to look like a mack-daddy pimp or something, but even the most retarded pimp would not call his feather macaroni. I mean, okay, it was a feather, but let's call it macaroni... no, humor me. Okay, accepting that the feather is now being called macaroni, why? I mean, who does he think he's gonna' fool? Everyone knows that it's still a feather, even if he does call it macaroni. It's not like someone's gonna' come up to him and ask, "Hey, where's that feather you had a couple minutes ago?" and not see that it's still in his hat (why, I don't know).

I don't know... the whole thing seems really weird to me, but let us examine yet another oddity in our fine country's heritage: The hamburger: It's not ham... Enough said. The Hot dog: it's not dog... Enough said. 'Faj-rrito:' Are people so stupid, unoriginal, and (again) stupid that they cannot even think of a new name for this cross between a burrito and a fajita? That's just sad!! And what's with 'Mc" everything? I mean, if you're at a McDonald's, you know that whatever you're eating is from McDonald's. It's not like they have to remind you where you are with every glance at every single McItem on their McMenu... But those are just a few of the FOODS that are perplexingly weak. There are other types of things that are equally as weak. (Next) Case in point: the walkie-talkie. Who is the ad wizard that came up with this one? I mean, it's pretty straightforward what you are supposed to do with it... You walk and you talk... That's it, but why is the name so retarded? Good thing most other products are not so literally and cutesily named, or we'd be sitting at Mc Donald's eating 'McChewy Swallowies' and washing them down with "McSucky Gulpies."

What is this world coming to when we (the people) cannot sit through a mere commercial without having to get up, scream and throw a heavy, metal object through the TV screen, because of the nausea caused by the cameras in the jeans commercials or because of the overly-foreign wanna'-be deep hella' weak commercials from our friends at Calvin Klein... it's a damn perfume. Get over it! And what is with these info-mercials?! One cannot even enjoy a nice evening of (very) late-night TV viewing anymore, for one will surely be faced with such atrocious and embarrassingly pointless (yet SO VERY USEFUL) gadgets such as the "Food Dehydrator" (for those of you with water intolerances), the "Flo-Bee,," and the magical hair replacement potion/spray, "GLH Formula 9," for when you have to 'replace' the hair you mistakenly cut off with your "Flo-Bee." Just writing about these embarrassments to our country makes me embarrassed about our country. Maybe I'll move to McCanada... somewhere secluded with no anything Bells, Bees, Dehydrators, Formula 9's, Doodle Dandees, or faj-rritos. Wouldn't it Bee nice?...

Back to the Main Page

© 1996-7 mhat@doubt.com

Guestbook by Lpage
Guestbook services graciously (if not sporadically) provided by LPage.

This page hosted by GeoCities Get your own Free Home Page

1