Comet Headed for StationBy Commander SiktoA comet that has been identified as a giant Frooty Bix is heading for GS9. We have been put on yellow alert. Television Scrapped!By SiktoStarfeet somehow heard about the introduction of the audio-visual resources to the station, and banned it, stating it to be a "menace to society". This move is sure to cause a lot of disappointment throughout the crew and personnel of the station. Starfeet suggested anyone who has a problem with the banning should "do puppet shows". So far no one has taken up their offer. Medical AlertBy OddoThe new life form, the Doo-Dee-Doods, have brought a new virus onto the station with them. Similar to aphasia, the disease causes the victim to say exactly the opposite of what he or she is trying to say. As yet the only person to be infected by it has been Chief Oh Brain. This was discovered yesterday when he claimed "Bash-up is my best buddy". Dux Taken Over By ChangelingBy Jerome WetzelToday Dr. Bash-up, while examining Lieutenant Commander Dux, discovered that her 'Till Symbiont' was actually Oddo's evil twin. She has been declared a traitor to Starfeet who should be locked up. Unfortunately, Oddo has become stuck in the form of a Bagloran spider. If you are a security officer (cadet or higher), and would like to arrest some one for no pay please report to GS9 right away. Limited time only!
Animal Plague Threatens StationBy Commander SiktoApproximately 2,000 garden slugs were let loose on the promenade today by Dr Bash-up, who tripped while transporting them to the ship's new animal zoological park. Their transportation container split and they disappeared into various shops and rooms. An extermination team is due to invade the promenade at 1100 hours today. Next Column | Commander's Orders IgnoredBy OddoToday Commander Sikto had to be put into stasis after being suspected of having the Doo-Dee-Doods virus. The grounds that Dr Bash-up had for taking this rather drastic measure was "He asked me to clean out the garbage disposal." The doctor realised that what Sikto had probably intended to say was "Doctor, go and take some shore leave." Wharf Arrests FianceBy Jerome WetzelLieutenant Commander Wharf, from the nearby starship USS Enter-price, answered the call for a security officer to take on the duties of Oddo while he is stuck as a Bagloran spider. When he arrived he found out his duty was to arrest his fiancee, Lieutenant Commander Dux. He arrested her anyway, showing typical Klingoff feelings. Dux almost broke off the engagement, but changed her mind, because she decided a security officer was sexy if he arrested her. Later that night, Dr. Jools Bash-up reported that he made a mistake and that Dux's symbiont is indeed a normal Till symbiont. A security team has been sent to work out how to open Dux's cell. Also, an exterminator arrived yesterday by the name of Mr. Imnotme. He feels it is his duty to rid GS9 of "bugs, arachnids, and other creepy-crawlies". Sources say he is really Captain Pick-a-card who went broke buying a deluxe artificial heart. Oddo Exterminated?By Jerome WetzelIt was reported earlier today by Captain Pick-a...er, Mr. Imnotme, that every creepy-crawly on the station has been exterminated. He was duly paid by Captain Sikto, and immediately left the station without even saying goodbye. Oddo Found in Broom ClosetBy SiktoSecurity Chief Oddo was rediscovered yesterday in the broom closet. Apparently he had gone in there to look for his bucket, when the door closed behind him and he became trapped inside. The ridiculous rumour that he was stuck in the form of a Bagloran spider has now been disproved. |