[ Top Ten Rejected Summer Olympic Events | Top Ten Rejected Winter Olympic Events ]
Top Ten Things Overheard During Bob Dole's visit to New York City
10. "I've loved New York ever since I helped buy it from the Indians."
9. "Uh, Senator Dole? If you insist on feeding all the pigeons, we'll be here for a month."
8. "I'm not stealing his watch, I'm taking his pulse."
7. "It's a $1,000 a plate dinner and all we get are strained vegetables?"
6. "I didn't know hookers gave a senior citizen discount."
5. "In your honor we've hooked up the Statue of Liberty's torch to a Clapper."
4. "The ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt? I'm sorry -- you must be looking for the Clinton fundraiser across town."
3. "Wow! Howard Stern just got Bob Dole to kiss another guy!"
2. "I may no longer be a senator, but rest assured I'm still a cranky old man!"
1. "Forget the chalk body outline... he's just taking a nap."
Top Ten Rejected Summer Olympic Events
10. The short jump.
9. Hide the javelin.
8. Tackle the French guy.
7. Speed blinking.
6. Scream the loudest.
5. Synchronized shrugging.
4. 100-meter dash with a fat guy on your back.
3. Female weightlifter mustache tweezing.
2. Pantsless pole vault.
1. Lookin' terrific.
Top Ten Rejected Winter Olympic Events
10. The intern slalom.
9. Vanilla ice dancing.
8. Downhill butt-slide.
7. Men's 5000-meter groin pull.
6. Naked bobsled.
5. The 4-man freestyle whoopdedoo.
4. Run over a Spice Girl with a Zamboni.
3. The rock salt driveway sprinkle.
2. The 2-man Monica Lugeinsky.
1. Michelle Kwan Do.
