[ Top Ten Signs You've Seen 'Titanic' One Too Many Times | Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Resort | Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World ]

10. Touching scene in which iceberg comes out as a lesbian.

9. Floating corpses played by former associates of the Gambino family.

8. Instead of ocean, boat sinks in a large New York City pothole.

7. Several minutes devoted to a lovely synchronized swimming routine.

6. When boat starts sinking, captain turns on rocket boosters & flies that sucker to Mars.

5. Graphic love scene between Kate Winslet and the Gordon's Fisherman.

4. So-called "iceberg" clearly just a Coleman picnic cooler.

3. At end of film, everyone is saved by those babes from "Baywatch."

2. Passengers jump off side when Kathy Lee starts singing, "If they could see me now..."

1. The Titanic's father? Darth Vader.

9. You just released a rap album under the name "Ice Berg."

8. Your typical diary entry: "Another day without drowning."

7. Your Jurassic Park pajamas now seem horribly outdated.

6. You just had watertight compartments installed in your pants.

5. On passport, you list occupation as "Titanic-lovin' fool."

4. There's urine on your dress.

3. After 1,000th viewing, you finally realize the ship's gonna sink every dang time.

2. According to your wife, lately you've had a little trouble "keeping your dinghy inflated."

1. You're always damp.

9. Seniors' shuffleboard tournament is clothing optional.

8. You order a piña colada; you get a warm can of Schlitz with a cocktail onion.

7. "Steel drum band" is a guy banging on your car with a hammer.

6. That lovely shell on the beach turns out to be piece of Evander Holyfield's ear.

5. "Happy Hour" means half-price shots for malaria.

4. There appear to be blood stains on the limbo stick.

3. You ask front desk for a wake-up call and the guys says, "You're 20 pounds overweight and your wife is cheating on you."

2. "Singles Night" is 300 guys and an old issue of Hustler.

1. That ain't a mint on your pillow.

10. Accidental switch back to "19,000 Leagues Under the Sea."

9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.

8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.

7. Cinderella starts receiving Bashful's subscription to "Hustler."

6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."

5. When you wish upon a star...not a darn thing happens.

4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.

3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys with Plastic Flashlights Parade."

2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.

1. Two words: catapulting teacups.