1. (Ocean crossing flight): This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices...

2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines' new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Boogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!!

5. Ummmmmm...Sorry...(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)... uhhhhh... we have to go back... we... we... uhhhhhh... forgot something...

7. I'm sure everyone's noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. (Ironic Note: This is actually true for prop aircraft!)

8. Fasten your seatbelt. (Same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car.)

9. This is your Captain speaking... these darn planes are A LOT different than the ships I'm used to... so you'll have to give me some leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and oh my...

12. Don't worry that one is always on E...

13. Get the parachutes ready.

14. Drinks are on me... or I'll have what the Captain's having.

15. Hey why don't you tell the new Stewardess she can come sit on my lap and fly the plane.

It's just not right. Thousands of pilots in our very own country are living at or just below the six figure salary line. And if that wasn't bad enough, many of them may go several weeks or months without a paycheck if they are forced by American Airlines management to strike.

But, now you can help. For about three hundred dollars a day -- that's less than the price of a 25" television set -- you can help keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.

Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a pilot, it could mean the difference between a vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise.

For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half a month's rent or mortgage payment. But to a pilot, three hundred dollars a day will almost replace his or her salary.

Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade his or her home computer, buy that new 100" television set, trade in the 6 month old Lexus for a Ferrari, or enjoy a dinner (with champagne) at The Mansion.

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the crew member you sponsor. Detailed information about his or her stocks, bonds, 401K, and real-estate holdings will be mailed to your home. You will be able to watch your pilot's net worth grow. You'll also get information on how they chose to invest their 1.2 million dollar lump sum they get upon their retirement.

Your pilot will be told that he or she has a SPECIAL FRIEND that just wants to help. Although the pilot won't know your name, he or she will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case they need more funds.

I want to help! In the event of a strike by the APA, I would like to sponsor the crew member listed below. I would like to sponsor (check your selection/s):

_____ Captain	_____ 727 Crew Member	_____ An Entire Flight Crew
_____ Navigator	_____ A300 Crew Member	_____ Super-80 Crew Member
_____ First Officer	_____ MD-11 Crew Member	_____ 767 Crew Member
_____ Please apply my donation to the crew member most in need.

Please charge the account listed below $326.25 per day (or $350.29 for MD-11 crew members) for the duration of the strike. Please send me a picture of the crew member I have sponsored, along with a set of "wings" and my very own "new" red S.C.O.P.E. badge (while supplies last). Check the following.

_____ Mastercard	_____ Visa	_____ American Express
_____ AAsset Card	_____ Discover Card	_____ Diner's Club

Account Number: ______________________ Expiration Date: ________________

Date: _______________________

Signature: ________________________________________

Send completed forms to the APA. Or, enroll by phone: (555)-555-3188

Note: Sponsors agree not to contact the crew member sponsored or their families in person or by other means including, but not limited to, phone calls, letters, email, or third parties. Contributions made are not tax deductible. In the event of no strike action taken, sponsors agree to a one time administration charge of $500.00 to cover administration costs of this program.