10. On visit to campus, you accidentally kill the school mascot.

9. Instead of a cap and gown, your high school gives you a McDonald's uniform.

8. After four years of Spanish, you still can't place an order at Taco Bell.

7. You took an SAT preparation course that was advertised by Sally Struthers.

6. Your list of school activities includes words "Comet Hale-Bopp" and "UFO."

5. You tell admissions officer you're looking forward to "some good, honest book-larnin'."

4. Instead of an application, you send in a "Where's Waldo?" book with all the Waldos circled.

3. You insist the interviewer call you by your nickname: "Glue-Sniffin' Eddie."

2. Last time you picked up a book, Michael Jackson was black.

1. Your classmates voted you "Least Likely to Get into College."

10. They boast that 90% of their graduates eventually make parole.

9. The campus is roamed by packs of starving coyotes.

8. So-called "sports complex" consists of a kickball and a swing set.

7. Your letter of admission was signed by Sally Struthers.

6. The dean is being followed by a crew from "Hard Copy."

5. History professor + fake mustache = English professor.

4. Graduation ceremonies are held in a local 7-eleven.

3. Final project in Biology: dissecting a Snickers bar.

2. Orientation video features Frank Gifford and a flight attendant.

1. Average ACT score: 2

10. One millionth customer gets to sit naked in fryolator.

9. Big Macs with patties the size of flyin' saucers!

8. For every order over $25, Mayor McCheese will whack a guy for you.

7. Happy Meals include small containers of nitrous oxide.

6. Please make up your own joke about "McHookers" and "Special Sauce."

5. Get 500 Quarter Pounders for the price of 499.

4. Buy any sandwich and have clown make-up permanently tattooed on your face.

3. Some McNuggets contain shards of glass; some contain valuable diamonds!

2. Free videos of Ronald McDonald in a hotel room with Frank Gifford.

1. The 55¢ McCoronary.