10. Light-colored, loose-fitting hooded sweatshirts.

9. If you're having trouble lighting the barbecue, try Napalm.

8. Many resorts offer fabulous "troubled loner discount packages."

7. Next to your 10 by 12 foot shack, build a 1 by 2 foot guest shack.

6. Join your dog for a refreshing flea dip.

5. For an extra kick, fill water balloons with nitroglycerine.

4. Make your own sunscreen out of swamp water and rabbit droppings.

3. Go to beach, make clumsy passes at women, get turned down, plot revenge.

2. Properly placed charges can make any rental car a convertible.

1. Get wacky new bumper sticker: "Unabombers Do It With a Bang."

10. Alarm outside bedroom sounds when Hillary is approaching.

9. Pillars on front porch replaced by Golden Arches.

8. On front lawn, enormous marble statue of Clinton with his pants around his ankles.

7. White House tour now clothing optional.

6. New state of the art lawn mower for when Clinton gets bored.

5. Soundproofing to block noise of George Washington spinning in his grave.

4. New passcode: One knock for burgers, two knocks for pizza.

3. All furniture now stuffed with shredded Whitewater documents.

2. New sign: "If this Oval Office is rockin', don't come knockin'."

1. Hot and cold running gravy.

10. "I'll take 'presidential mistresses' for $200, Alex."

9. "No, Vice President Quayle, you cannot buy a vowel."

8. "Yes, Senator Thurmond, this will be broadcast on 'The Talking Picture Box.'"

7. "I don't care if you are behind a podium, Mr. President -- please put on your pants."

6. "I'm sorry Senator Kennedy -- there's no such thing as a daily double scotch."

5. "That's the 20th time Rush Limbaugh has answered, 'What is Pie?'"

4. "Excuse me, Mayor Barry, this is a no smoking area."

3. "Mr. Gingrich, you won't win any points by calling me a 'commie Canadian bast***.'"

2. "Tonight's audio daily double was recorded in Paula Jones' hotel room."

1. "What is 'lame stunt to boost ratings?'"