Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."

Two blondes were working on a house. One was on a ladder nailing, who'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up,

"Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"

The second blonde got real excited and called the other all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you!

They're for the other side of the house!"

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

One day, this guy was sitting in a bar taking his merry time. All of a sudden he's startled by three blondes cheering, "Fifteen! Fifteen!" He ignores them and continues to drink.

About 5 minutes later, the blondes again cheer, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"

At this, the guy then walks over and asks them why they keep cheering, "Fifteen! Fifteen!"

The blondes respond, "Well, we went to the supermarket and bought this jigsaw puzzle, which we put together in 15 weeks! Considering that the side of the box said 3-5 years."

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. He must have meant that we should meet, be friends, and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No... I think I'll wait for the police."

The Air Force officer asks the first question. "What's the distance from Earth to Neptune?" The Army officer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Air Force officer. Now, it's the Army officer's turn. He asks the Air Force officer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Air Force officer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends an email to everyone he can think of -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Army officer and hands him $50. The Army officer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Air Force officer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Army officer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the Army officer reaches into his wallet, hands the Air Force officer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.