10. Girls who won't date him just because he's a ruthless homicidal lunatic.

9. Left his favorite sweatshirt in Kuwait.

8. When mom calls him "Saddamy" in front of his friends.

7. New Jenny McCarthy show not living up to the hype.

6. When he catches himself cheating at solitaire and has to cut off his own hand.

5. Not even a mention at the GQ Man of the year awards.

4. With recent defections, "Iraqi Army" now just three guys and a Super-Soaker.

3. Being classified as a "Madman" makes your auto insurance rates go sky high.

2. Sex with his wife is always, "Wham, Bam, Thank you Saddam."

1. Four Words: Sand in his mustache.

10. To simulate being with her, you close your eyes and hug a minivan.

9. Typical entry in your diary: "Today she wore the brown frames."

8. Every Christmas, you send her a pair of her favorite size 16 pumps.

7. You become a notorious drug lord just to get her attention.

6. You're the Vice President, and you make illegal fundraising calls in the hopes of getting "probed."

5. You start a new web site called "www.giant-lady.com"

4. Your towels are marked "His" and "Reno's."

3. Your favorite "In Search Of..." episode: Sasquatch.

2. Instead of buying an ordinary inflatable doll, you steal a balloon from the Macy's Parade.

1. You are constantly being invited to Janet Reno's Dance Party.

9. "Mr. President, why aren't you wearing any pants?"

8. "Feelin' lucky? Well, are ya, punk?"

7. "Would you please stop calling me 'dude'?"

6. "Do you have Gennifer Flowers' home number?"

5. "When did you first learn of the plan to fill the Disney Store with bunnies?"

4. "Ever seen an Attorney General crush a beer can on her forehead?"

3. "Why do you giggle every time I use the word 'probe'?"

2. "Can you recommend a good 'Big and Tall' store?"

1. "Wanna rassle?"

9. "Isn't there a way to catch fish that are already fried?"

8. "We're tilting to the left -- get Ted's head back to the center of the boat."

7. "Who wants another Chivas and salt water?"

6. "The main sail just ripped -- Senator, can we borrow your pants?"

5. "This time I'll be Captain Steubing and you can be Gopher."

4. "If you're outside U.S. waters, it's technically not adultery."

3. "That's not a doughnut, Mr. President -- it's a life preserver."

2. "Isn't a case of Jim Beam a bit much for a 30-minute boat ride?"

1. "Ship ahoy, Captain Tubby!"

9. A lively game of "Dodge-the-Subpoena."

8. Blew out candles, then hid them and denied they ever existed.

7. Enjoyed Mark Russell's hilarious new song: "Happy Whitewater to You."

6. Watched with mixture of horror and nausea as Janet Reno popped out of cake.

5. Wrote thank-you note to Queen Elizabeth for the $20 gift certificate to the Gap.

4. Hired clown to twist balloons into shapes of Asian campaign donors.

3. Held intimate gathering for close friends who aren't in prison yet.

2. Gave Gore $50 and demanded he show her "The Full Monty."

1. Jell-O shots with Madeline Albright.