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© 1998

Xena: Closed Captioned for the Humor Impaired

  • 11-18-98
    Well, here's the not so long awaited commentary on Locked Up & Tied Down. (what is up with these stupid titles anyway?) And WOOHOO! I actually got subtitles for each comment!

    Quotes Worthy of Bardliness
    Ha! Tricked You:
    "Gotcha good that time."
    --Xena (Locked Up & Tied Down)

    Martha Stewart Eat Your Heart Out:
    "Gonna sweep up a little dirt?"
    "In a manner of speaking."
    --Head Guard & Gabrielle (Locked Up & Tied Down)

    Miscellany:

    Start With Your Right Foot
    Now tell me that opening fight scene wasn't mildly cool? At least the flipping parts. It seems Gab has learned the flips. Well, sorta since she actually did a little tumbling act to get her staff, but she's getting there. It also seems Gab is doing wider arcs and sweeps with her staff.. or maybe it's just me.

    What's in a Name?
    Ok I now know the woman's name was Thelassa not Velassa, but bear with me. Katrina Browne, played an Amazon on Herc's Prodigal Sister... Velasca was an Amazon...Katrina's new character is named Thelassa..running out of names? So, this would've worked a lot better if her name was Velassa like I originally thought. :)

    Sins of the Past Deja Vu
    When Velassa told evil Xena to take her and let the others go, that totally reminded me of Gab in SotP with Draco's men. Apparently, this tactic does not work too well with evil warlords. And what's this about a light? Velassa and Gab both have/had/are/whatever a light. Hm...

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch
    Spiritual quest? What spiritual quest? Where was I when they talked about this? Either someone forgot to edit a line like in the Wizard of Oz (if you want to know email me.) or they've started the "out of order" lineup.

    What are ya in fer?
    I'd like to know what some of these women did to get on Shark Island. They looked like villagers who never left the village not criminals. And what about that old lady who lent Gab her broom? I'll jump ahead to that scene now in fact.

    Sweeping Gets My Juices Going
    Now *that* was a kick a** scene! It might help if you knew what scene, though I did allude to it above. But just in case people skip around, I'm talking about the scene where Gab "sweeps up a little dirt." I just love the way she gives the old woman back her broom and innocently says "thank you" and just walks away like nothing happened. And the look like "Cool" the woman had. A riot!

    It's Crab Season..they'll bite your arm off
    Ironically, crab season did start when this ep aired (or was I imagining that? nah) But that crab scene was quite unnecessary. Not the most attractive thing I wanted to watch. Follow that up with the rats. Ick. And was Xena trying to hold a reasonable conversation with them? "That's enough!" Um I don't think they're gonna listen to ya. And chewing on them? Eww BTW random lil tidbit, when she used one to get the chakram down, the way it was flying, it would've hit the wall before it even got up to the chakram. Also, Xena may have many skills, but I doubt she'd have the power to fling it up as high as needed.

    Fashion Queen, She Is Not
    Um nice outfit Gab. And why did she have to wear the same outfit as the original healer? Well besides if she went in normally, they might recognize her. But was it a uniform or something?

    Art 101: Figure Drawing
    That fake arm totally reminded me of those wooden artist models you get at art stores for drawing figures.

    Whooooooooosh!
    It seemed like when Gab was on the gallows, she heard the chakram coming. That was pretty cool.

    She's Not That Bad Once You Get To Know Her
    The commadante was pretty cool considering what she went through. Of course she's gonna be a grouch if a bunch of crabs bit off her arm.

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