48. He recognized the voice as belonging to the first man he'd overheard in the forensics lab, the more viscous of the two.

Blair's always getting involved in sticky situations.

Correct: "vicious"

49. The cultural morays of different cultures haven't really changed all that much in centuries."

Those eels are just sooo cultured.

Correct: "mores"--pronounced "morays"

50. "You're a closed knit society, Jim.

Yeah, we won't let just anybody knit with us.

Correct: "close-knit"

51. Smith had already gave them the green light, but he allowed her to exercise her digression in how long she would make them wait.

They thought she'd never get to the point.

Correct: "discretion" And, please, Smith had already given them the green light.

52. The transformation became complete as the creature neared him, the panther's body held the sole of The Sentinel.

Let go of his foot!

Correct: "soul"

53. There's no explaining why. We just except it and go on."

Another exception noted in the rules of life.

Correct: "accept"

54. Jim's absence was a palatable feeling all around him.

Jim may be gone, but he still tastes good.

Correct: "palpable"

55. Ellison dropped the papers and took off, in a full gate.

Wonder if he had trouble getting through the crowd?

Correct: "gait"

56. "No way, Brat. You are not leaving me to take the wrap for this one."

Jim really hates having to carry the shawl.

Correct: "rap"

57. Blair tried not to join in the laughter because laughing just wasn't easy on his bruised ribs or wounded shoulder but it was a mute point once Taggart entered the loft dressed as an elf of all things.

Taggert as an elf would render even Blair speechless.

Correct: "moot point"

58. Jim threw Sandburg his coat, as he adorned his own.

And you thought Blair was the only one of this pair who decorated his person.

Correct: "donned"

59. Grinning, he dumped Blair on the coach

I never realized Jim went in for 3-ways.

Correct: HMG is astonished to have seen this in multiple stories. The word is "couch".

60. Blair used an explicative which noted Smith's lack of traceable parentage that had all the people in the room nodding their head in agreement, even Jones.

Blair, ever the scholar, seeking to explain logically what is inherent in Smith's heritage. No obscenities from his mouth.

Correct: "expletive"

61. Jim checked Rafe's wire one last time, noting the heightened reparation and heartbeat of his colleague.

Well, it's about time Rafe made amends for his behavior.

Correct: "respiration"

62. If he'd had any strength to move, he would've lifted a hand to pet the short tuffs spiking up.

Those little guys are really tough.

Correct: "tufts"

63. And they say romance is dead," he disgruntled from the awkward position.

He disgruntled. He gonna go postal.

Correct: "Disgruntled" is not a verb. "Complained" will do.

64. And, yes, somehow or another, we will figure this whole thing out.

Somehow or another what?

Correct: The expression is "somehow or other".

65. Lips brushed against lips, murmuring soft, comforting, senseless words even as they merged.

MERGED?!? Eeeeew!

Correct: If their lips are merging, they are becoming one set of lips, a revolting process that would surely have dire consequences for both men. Their lips "met".

66. Did you hurt you?

Bad you!

Correct: Depending entirely on what is meant, either "Did he (she, they) hurt you?" or "Did you hurt yourself?"

67. Jim Ellison felt a fission of lust sweep his body as he looked at his Guide.

Jim goes nuclear.

Correct: "frisson"

68. "That looked good, Jim." he said conversationally as he drug his partner down the hall one lurching step at a time.

HMG goes nuclear.

Correct: Dragged, dragged, dragged!

69. Jim reached out to grab his arm again, looking him directly in the eye. "I know you and your pension for trouble. Behave yourself."

Blair's pension enables him to continue to have enemies and adventures even after he's retired.

Correct: "penchant"

70. John called back as he assented the large oak.

Sure, oak, whatever you want.

Correct: "ascended"

71. Clearing his throat, he moved away a little and recoiled his arm.

Now that's flexible!

Correct: One can recoil, meaning to draw back or flinch away, but to recoil an object means to wind it once again into its original coil. He "withdrew his arm" OR: "drew his arm back"

72. Well, Dr. Smith is the authoritarian in the field.

Oh, I'll bet she's nicer than that.

Correct: "authority"

73. A small smile touch the handsome fetches of the older man.

Jim's always been so fetching.

Correct: "features" Oh, and it should be "touched"

74. It just comes down to something I need to do to keep my sanity intercede.

What could this author be trying to say?

Correct: Perhaps "intact"?

75. The metal, man - it earthed the micro lightning cloud.

Now, would that be the opposite of "unearthed"?

Correct: "grounded". HMG suspects this comes under the heading of English as a Second Language.

76. "I wanted command, so I towed the line all the way."

And, man, was that line heavy! Good thing Jim's so strong.

Correct: "toed the line", as in keeping one's toes on a line drawn on the ground, presumably as ordered by some authority.

77. His hopes were dashed when the man saddled up next to him.

Ride 'em, cowboy!

Correct: "sidled"

1. His arms suddenly became latched in cuffs behind his back.

Wow, all by themselves?

Correct: Come, now, surely there is a way to say this that is in active voice (where the subject does something rather than having something done to it) and doesn't use the dreaded "suddenly". "Psycho J. Killer wrenched Blair's arms behind his back and cuffed his wrists together." OR "Before Blair could think (move, react, defend himself, whatever), his assailant twisted his arms behind his back and handcuffed him."

2. Blair found his wrists secured behind him...Patting his hand on the matted scalp wound, Blair flinched away.

Blair's soooo flexible.

Correct: These are actually two different sentences with some snipped in between. But, since Blair's hands had not been freed between one and the other, patting his head would have been difficult in the extreme. Or could the author have meant that someone else patted Blair's wound? HMG doesn't remember. If this is the case, however, see the above example for an explanation of active voice.

3. "That is so not going to work," Blair thought to himself.

"What?" Simon demanded, exasperated. "What won't work, Sandburg?"

Simon's some telepath. Even when Blair thinks to himself, rather than broadcasting his thoughts, Simon hears him.

Correct: Two problems, here. First, if Blair is thinking, he is thinking to himself. You don't need to say "to himself", it is unnecessary, redundant, and silly. Second, if Blair thought this, Simon can't reply to it because he didn't hear it.

"That is so not going to work," Blair muttered.

"What?" Simon demanded....

4. It was obvious as she pasted, that Blair had been dosed with the tri-chloral-ethanol, leaving his conscious but unable to move.

Carolyn's always been very artsy/craftsy. Aye, and 'twas a relief that young Blair's conscious was but unable to move and not more seriously harmed.

Correct: HMG confesses that it has been a long time since she saw the story in question, and she has no memory of the context from which this was taken. She thinks the author meant "paced". But she is sure that it should say, "leaving him conscious but unable to move."

5. The two friends' eyes met, Jim knew Simon didn't understand, but didn't ask for it.

Good, because there are times when Simon really asks for it, and one of these days, Jim's going to give it to him.

Correct: Their eyes met. Jim knew Simon didn't understand, but Simon didn't ask for an explanation.

6. dropping to his knees beside her, Blair was the picture of soliticious.

Oh, no, he wasn't. No one is.

Correct: solicitousness. HMG's friend, Ms. Nitpicker, says "solicitude" would also work.

7. John turned to him, not knowing the full extent of the pair.

Just how far do these guys go?

Correct: John doesn't really want to know the extent of the pair, he wants to know the extent of the pair's relationship.

8. The twin captives started yelling and screaming and banging on the metal container, but the echo of the loud reverberations only came back at them increasing their discomfort.

The echo of the echoes echoed back at them, echoing the echoes of the echoes.

Correct: A reverberation is an echo. "...but the loud reverberations only came back at them, increasing their discomfort."

9. He smiled around a mouthful of flannel, then quickly swallowed it.

How Blair choked to death....

Correct: It is HMG's sincere hope that the gentleman in question ceased to smile, rather than swallowing that mouthful of flannel. Perhaps "He smiled around a mouthful of flannel, then quickly spat it out, because the fabric's taste was disgusting." Or something more serious, if you prefer.

10. Jim had an explicable urge to take the younger man in his arms and try to warm him up.

So, okay, explic it already.

Correct: inexplicable--Jim couldn't explain it.

11. The one who holds everything I am within the palm of his head.

Well, someone needs an anatomy lesson. Unless this is science fiction.

Correct: palm of his hand

12. "What do you want from me?! What do you want from me?!" he repeated, over and over comma body shaking with the last of his energy

HMG wants you to learn the difference between a direction from your beta reader and a description!

Correct: over and over, body shaking

13. Smith died without ever gaining consciousness.

Gee, poor guy. Never in his life?

Correct: regaining. HMG assumes he had been conscious at least once before during his life.

13. The sun was beginning its downward descent, and if Jim was out there it seemed like a good time to approach the topic of dinner.

As opposed to its upward descent?

Correct: No need to be redundant: "beginning its descent"

14. No one had ever rimmed him before. He'd done it, many times, but no one else had ever tasted him this intimately.

Jim is really really flexible.

Correct: He'd done it to others, many times

15. Jim's eyes closed and moaned, leaning back to give Blair more room to search.

There's something very creepy about that image.

Correct: Jim's eyes did not moan, HMG hopes. Therefore, "Jim's eyes closed and he moaned…."

16. The Sentinel knelt between the spread thighs, his mouth slowly making its way down the graceful throat, leaving a trail of small red bites behind.

HMG knows that's not what the author means, but all she could picture was his mouth inside Blair's throat. Eeeew.

Correct: This isn't really wrong. Still, HMG would be more comfortable if the author changed "throat" to "neck".

17. He could see the tiny tremors in Blair's frame, the small hitches in his breathing, the slightly too rapid heartbeat.

Wow, Jim can see all that? This sentinel sight thing is better than I thought.

Correct: He could see the tiny tremors in Blair's frame, and hear the small hitches in his breathing and the slightly too rapid heartbeat.

18. First, we go home and catch whatever sleep we can that's left in the night.

So that's how sleep works: the night holds it, and we have to get it out.

Correct: First, we go home and catch whatever sleep we can for what's left of the night.

18. *I love you,* he whispered silently, and kept his face still. He just looked at Jim steadily, not saying a word, and Jim went on.

Blair has recently taken up the seldom-practiced art of silent ventriloquism.

Correct: Either he whispered it or he didn't. He may have mouthed the words silently, or whispered them, but not both, and regardless of which he did, his mouth moved, thus his face was not still. HMG could also argue whether or not mouthing words constitutes "not saying" them, but she doesn't wish to give herself a headache.

19. Holding the pencil he found in his teeth, he worked a small notebook free.

Blair knew he'd left that pencil somewhere....

Correct: "Holding in his teeth the pencil he'd found" is technically correct, but awkward. Why don't we just assume Blair found a pencil and say, "Holding the pencil in his teeth"?

20. The stark grey walls made Blair seem all the more colourful, vibrant; his clothing, his hair, his skin, and his eyes shone brightly blue at him, promising...whatever he could imagine.

When Blair's got the blues, he goes all the way.

Correct: "…vibrant: his clothing, his hair, his skin. His eyes shone brightly blue...."

And so ends HMG's Favorites, Part Deux. Remember, you can send your favorites to HMG at holymg@hotmail.com. Please send the sentence only, without identification of story or author.

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