The Quotes
MULDER'S WORDS
“What’s my next punishment scrubbing the bathroom floors with a tooth brush”
“Sorry nobody down here but the F.B.I’s most unwanted”
"As an employee of the National security agency, you should know that a gunshot wound to the stomich is probably the most painfull and most slowest way to die. And I'm not a very good shot, and when I miss, I tend to miss low."
“It’s not a bad piece of ash, The bat I was talking about the bat”
“I am having the best damm day of my life any minute now I’m going to burst into song. Zip-id-I-do-dah”
Mulder: Scully, after all you've seen, after all you've told me you've seen; the tunnel filled with medical files, the beings running past you, the implant in your neck. Why do you refuse to believe?
Scully: Believing's the easy part mulder, I just need more than you, I need proof.
Mulder: You think Believing is easy?
Lt. Shaeffer: I don't know if YOU even exist!
Mulder: I can only assure you that I do.
(Mulder and Scully are in a very muddy, fenced in hog pasture trying to push 2 hogs out an open gate) "Scully, would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?"
Frohike: Unbelievable! We thought you were history!!
Mulder: You're gona have to wait a little longer for my video collection, Frohike.
Mulder: Are you familiar with the 10 Commandments, Scully?
Scully: You want me to recite them?
Mulder: Just number four. The one about obeying the sabbath? The part where God made Heaven and Earth but didn't bother to tell anybody about his side projects?
Cancer Man: Where are you?
Mulder: The Betty Ford center. Where are you?
Mr. Nutt: I've taken in your all-american features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded you work for the government. An FBI agent. But do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly reduced you to a stereotype. A caricature. Instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual.
Mulder: But I am an FBI agent.
"Do you realize how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off, Elvis."
"If we ignore them, do you think they'll go away?"
"No! Jorge. Don't touch that red button...nojo on the rojo."
(After coffin bursts into flames) "Maybe we're just imagining that."
Cultin: So Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men?
Mulder: Grey.
Cultin: Excuse me?
Mulder: Grey. You said green men. The reticulant skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for there extraction of terrestrial human livers. Due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.
Cultin: You can't be serious?
Mulder: Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for in Reticula?
"A crime is only as perfect as the man or mind that commits it."
"Science has always been my guiding light..."
"Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush hour on the 95. If I heard 'Silent Night' one more time I was going to start taking hostages."
"Ah man, I am going to kick their asses"
"Shut up Mulder, I am playing baseball"
"Don’t underestimate a woman they can be tricksters too"
"I am out of my mind? Mulder you are out of your mind!"
"What is up with you! I am thinking of having you examined for mental illness or drug use or.. or maybe a massive head injury"
I’d kiss you if you weren’t so damn ugly”
Aren't those pretty words.
M:Do you believe in the afterlife?"
S: "I'd settle for a life in this one."
M: "That's a pretty extreme hunch."
S: "I seem to recall you having some pretty extreme hunches."
M: "I never have."
S: "It's a North American P-51 Mustang."
M: "I just got very turned on."
Mulder: "This is something that reminded me of you."
Scully: "What? An alien implant?"
Mulder: "Two, actually. I made them into earings."
Mulder: "Model physiced the guy out, he put the whammy on him."
Scully: "Please explain to me the scientific nature of the whammy.
Mulder: "Go ahead."
Scully: "No, you go ahead."
Mulder: "No, no, be my guest. I know how much you like snapping on that latex(as in gloves. . .)"
Scully: "Mulder, it is such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?"
Mulder: "I have seen the life on this planet, Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere."
(Scully opens the paper bag she is carrying and removes a paper-wrapped nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.)
Mulder: "Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?"
Scully: (smugly, beginning to eat) "It's not ice cream. It's a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle."
Mulder: "Ugh. Bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that. You sure know how to live it up, Scully."
Scully: "Oh, you're Mr. Live-it-up Mulder, you're really Mr. Squeeze-every-last-drop-out-of-this-sweet-life, aren't you? On this precious Saturday you've got us grabbing life by the testes stealing reference books from the FBI library in order to go through New Mexico newspaper obituaries for the years 1940 to 1949 and for what joyful purpose?"
Mulder: "Looking for anomalies, Scully. Do you know how many so-called "flying disc" reports there were in New Mexico in the 1940s?"
Scully: "I don't care. Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie."
Mulder: "No, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration."
Scully: "Necessity is the mother of invention."
Mulder: "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom."
Scully:(takes another bite of her dreamsicle)"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die."
Mulder: "I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles."
(Mulder sets the book down and lunges for Scully. He grabs her arm and takes a bite of the dreamsicle. The cone breaks and pieces of the dessert splatter down on the book.)
Scully:"No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!" (delightful laugh) "Mulder!" (She looks closely at the smeared page and says accusingly...) "Mulder!? You cheat. I can't believe that you've been reading about baseball this whole time."
Mulder: "I'm reading the box scores, Scully. You'd like it. It's like the Pythagorean Theorem for jocks. It distills all the chaos and action of any game in the history of all baseball games into one tiny, perfect, rectangular sequence of numbers. I can look at this box and I can recreate exactly what happened on some sunny summer day back in 1947. It's like the numbers talk to me, they comfort me. They tell me that even though lots of things can change some things do remain the same. It's..."
Scully: (interrupting) "Boring. Mulder, can I ask you a personal question?
Mulder: "Of course not."
Scully: "Did your mother ever tell you to go outside and play? Mulder?"
Mulder: (Looking intently at a picture in the book says to himself...) "Is that …Arthur... Dales..."
Scully: "Mulder?"
Mulder: "Ah... Choo!" (Pretends to sneeze, he rips the page out of the book. Scully stares at him in disbelief.)
Scully: "You just defaced property of the U.S. Government."
(Carrying the torn page, Mulder runs out of the office. Scully watches him go.)
Scully: (slightly smiling) "You rebel."
Scully: "So, uh... I get this message marked "urgent" on my answering service from one Fox Mantle telling me to come down to the park for a very special very early or very late birthday present. And, Mulder... I don't see any nicely wrapped presents lying around so, what gives?
Mulder: "You've never hit a baseball, have you, Scully?
Scully: "No, I guess I have, uh... found more necessary things to do with my time than slap a piece of horsehide with a stick."
Mulder: "Get over here, Scully."
(Mulder holds the bat out for Scully and she walks over and takes it.Mulder steps behind her and wraps his arms around her tightly, also holding the bat around her hands.)
Scully: "This my birthday present, Mulder? You shouldn't have."
Mulder: "This ain't cheap. I'm paying that kid ten bucks an hour to shag balls. Hey, it's not a bad piece of ash, huh?"
(Scully gives him the "Look.")
"The bat-talking about the bat. Now, don't strangle it. You just want to shake hands with it. "Hello, Mr. Bat. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." "Oh, no, no, Ms. Scully. The pleasure's all mine."
(Scully laughs as their hands grip the bat.) "Okay, now, we want to... we want to go hips before hands, okay? (he holds his hand a few inches from her hip) We want to stride forward and turn. That's all we're thinking about. So, we go hips... before hands, all right?
(He touches her hip and with his hands and his own hips pressed against her, turns her the right way.)
Scully: "Okay."
Mulder: "One more time. (He touches and turns her hips more confidently.)"Hips... before hands, all right?"
Scully: "Yeah."
Mulder: "What is it?"
Scully: "Hips before hands."
Mulder:(speaking right into her ear) "Right. We're going to wait on the pitch. We're going to keep our eye on the ball. Then, we're just going to make contact. We're not going to think. We're just going to let it fly, Scully, okay?"
Scully: "Mm-hmm."
Mulder: "Ready?"
(Mulder readjusts their hands on the bat)
Scully: "I'm in the middle." (She gets her hands back between his. they're both smiling)
Mulder: "All right, fire away, Poorboy." (A ball comes to them and they hit it. It's foul)
Mulder: "Ooh! That's good. All right, what you may find is when you concentrate on hitting that little ball... The rest of the world just fades away-- all your everyday, nagging concerns." ( Scully giggles. They hit the ball again.)
Mulder: "The ticking of your biological clock." (Another hit.)
Mulder: "How you probably couldn't afford that nice, new suede coat on a G-Woman's salary." (Another hit.)
Mulder: "How you threw away a promising career in medicine... (intimately into her ear) ...to hunt aliens with a crackpot, albeit brilliant, partner." (He gets another "Look.")
Mulder: "Getting into the heart of a global conspiracy. Your obscenely overdue triple-X bill. Oh, I... I'm sorry, Scully. Those last two problems are mine, not yours." (Another hit.)
Scully: (with a huge grin) "Shut up, Mulder. I'm playing baseball."
Mulder: "It’s not enough. It doesn’t tie it to Tooms."
Scully: Well, it’s a start. Mulder, it’s getting a bit ripe in here, don’t you think?" Mulder: (reaches into the glove compartment, pulls out an air freshener,and holds it up.) "Pine-scented."
Scully: "Ooh!"
Mulder: "Better? Tooms hasn’t come out of the house all day. I sat through a Phillies game, an Orioles game, and four hours of Ba-Ba-Booey. When it got dark, I took a walk around the block. Do you have that sandwich that I asked you to bring?"
Scully:(pulls a sandwich out of a paper bag) "It’s liverwurst."
Mulder: "Ha-ha."
Scully: "Mulder, you know that proper surveillance requires two pairs of agents, one pair relieving the other after twelve hours."
Mulder: "Article 30, paragraph 8.7?"
Scully: "This isn’t about doing it by the book. This is about you not having slept for three days. Mulder, you’re going to get sloppy and you’re going to get hurt. It’s inevitable at this point."
Mulder: "A request for other agents to stake-out Tooms would be denied. Then we have no grounds."
Scully: "Well, then I’ll stay here. You go home."
Mulder:(sighs)"They’re out to put an end to the X-Files, Scully. I don’t know why, but any excuse will do. Now, I don’t really care about my record, but you’d be in trouble just for sitting in this car and I’d hate to see you to carry an official reprimand in your file because of me."
Scully: (sighs) "Fox..."
Mulder:(laughs) "And I... I even made my parents call me Mulder. So... Mulder."
Scully: "Mulder, I wouldn’t put myself on the line for anybody but you."
Mulder: "If there’s an ice tea in that bag, could be love."
Scully: "Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer. You’re delirious. Go home and get some sleep."
Mulder: "Here. Take my sandwich, I only had one bite. You’re gonna want it later, believe me. And you’ll call me if anything happens, immediately. I’ll be here. Oh, and 11:30, station 790, Pete Rose Late Night Sports Talk Radio Show."
Scully: "Wouldn’t miss it for the world."
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