Evil wears many masks in this world, but none so dangerous as the mask of righteousness. The American Family Association (AFA) is a group of Christian Fundamentalists who have come together in a common belief that the world we live in has been corrupted by immorality. They have decided to fight back against this corruption by trying to re-instate the "proper" religious morals given to us by the Bible. These moral views are narrow minded in the extreme and are often full of hate and prejudice. They often voice their beliefs that abortion is wrong, that homosexuality is a sin, that separation of church and state is a violation of their rights, that the media isn't biased enough in favour of Christianity and much more. The more I read articles from their website (http://www.afa.net) the more angry and horrified I become. So why do I keep going to their site? It's like a train wreck. I don't want to see, but I can't turn away. I was thinking of ranting about them in my Rant and Roar section, but there is just far too much that I have to say. That's why I have created this section. Every so often, I will chose an article from their website and analyze it. I don't know if they store their articles on their website or if they remove them after time, so you might encounter some broken links.
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Let me just start by saying that I'm not surprised in the least to learn that Donald E. Wildmon, the president of the AFA, is in fact The Devil. I mean, how could the President of the AFA NOT be Satan? It was only a matter of time before he started using his real name. Anyway, lets get right into today's article: An Open Letter From Donald E. Wildmon (or the Devil, whichever name you prefer)!
Hello. This is your
friend the devil writing. I want to thank you for following my
suggestions in the past. You have been a big help in what I'm
trying to build. Let me
remind you of some guidelines to follow. Your support has been a
big help in the past
and will help even more in the future.
You know, if the devil and I were really friends, then I think we'd be on a first name basis! I mean, "The Devil" just sounds so formal , doesn't it? I guess it's not as formal as "The Prince of Darkness" but it's still pretty formal. I bet even the friends he's had a falling out with get to call him Satan or Luficer or Smokey or something. And if he REALLY meant that "friend" part, then he'd let me call him Jimbo or Bob. As it is, he just writes to me as "The Devil". I realize that this IS an open letter, so I shouldn't be offended by the fact that I wasn't personally mentioned, but I'm still a bit offended!
First, never bring
up or discuss or preach on "controversial" topics such
as abortion,
pornography, gambling, drinking, sexual immorality or any such
private sins. Put your
emphasis only on corporate sins. You can do so much more for me
by doing that.
Blame government and big business. Forget individual
responsibility.
You know, maybe it's just me, but it sounds like Satan just isn't devoted to evil as much as he used to be. I mean, shouldn't he be asking us to be as vocal as possible IN FAVOUR of those so-called evil sins? Never bringing up or discussing or preaching on an issue is the wussy way of spreading evil! I mean, could you imagine an action movie where the villain had a plan like this? The movie would just be boring! Can you imagine what a meeting between the villain and his henchmen would be like?
"Well men, our original plan of killing millions of innocent people while simulanteously becoming rich and powerful just isn't really evil enough for me. I've developed a better, even EVILER plan! We will scower the world in search of people who have seen the movie Rising Buns and then NEVER TALK ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN!! HAW HAW HAW!"
Of course, if the devil considers this evil, then who the hell am I to argue? Maybe I just don't understand evil.
Don't worry about
the moral character of our leaders. Just rate them on how good a
job they are doing. Again I say, deal only with corporate sins,
never with individual
sins.
Well, the Republican party has followed this suggestion to a T, haven't they? Their choice for president was a man who snorted cocain AND has a severe alcohol problem. Not to mention the fact that he was arrested more than once for drunk driving. Those Republicans must be making Satan proud.
Always remember that there is no such thing as absolute truth. All things are relative.
If all things are relative, then how do I know I'm really reading this? How do I know that you even exist? How do I know I'm even typing right now? It could all be in my head. HOW DO I EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?!?!? ARRRRRGG!!!!!
Place spiritual issues at the bottom level of life.
Ummm, doesn't that mean I should put all these suggestions at the bottom level of life too then?
Don't get involved
in politics. Don't run for office. Don't give any money or time
to
those who do. Don't let your Christian faith guide you in making
your choices.
Remember, we must keep the church and state separate. It says so
in our
Constitution, you know.
I'm gonna assume Satan's intended audiance here is the American people since he did post this letter on the AMERICAN Family Association's website. So, "OUR" Consitution, huh? I guess Satan's an American. Once again, I can't say I'm much surprised by that. It would also explain why the Republican party has so much power
Remember the only
thing necessary to be a good Christian is to go to church when
you can, give a little money if you can. Remember that your faith
should be a private
matter between you and your church. Never try to apply it
anywhere else. You must
remember to be tolerant of all others who think and live
differently than you. Their
lifestyle is just as good as any other lifestyle. All lifestyles
are different but equal.
Don't get involved in any kind of effort with any of the
right-wing groups. They are
oppressive.
Ok, lets break out of character for a second. I'm assuming that Wildmon is trying to show us that the things listed in the above paragraph are evil and just being passed off as good by the Liberal Media. Clearly this is his clever way of saying that we should be doing the opposite. Now, this brings up some interesting issues. From my understanding, Wildmon is basically saying that:
1) Your faith should not be a private matter between you and your church.
So, if you haven't told anyone in South Africa about your faith, then you're a BAD person!
2) Always try to apply it to everything you do.
Next time you have to go to the bathroom, you'd better be applying your faith to that toilet!
3) You must never be tolerant of others who think and live differently than you. Their lifestyle is not as good as yours.
I noticed the American Family Association is very good at following this particular belief. I don't know Jesus's teachings very well, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't exactly what he was trying to say.
Continue to ignore
the Bible. It is an outdated book full of bad concepts. It is,
you
know, only a story of myths concocted thousands of years ago to
keep the masses
in line, to favor the male hierarchy and those in power. Like our
Constitution, it is now
out of date and useless.
Wait a second there Satan. I thought you said before that the Constitution was a GOOD thing. You said we have to keep the "separation of Church and State" because it says so in our Constitution. Now you're telling us that it's out of date and useless?! Would you please make up your mind! How am I supposed to help you in your unholy crusade if you can't be consistant!?
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