"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...." -Dennis Miller
Like everybody, there are quite a few things in this world which just annoy the hell out of me. I try not to voice these opinions for various reasons. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, I appear bitter when I do, etc. Unfortunately, unless I voice my frustrations, they don't go away. The solution I've come up with, is this Rant & Roar section of my website. Every so often, I plan to vent my frustration, go on a rant and just plain roar about a certain topic that annoys me. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone in particular. This section is not an excuse for me to attack anyone. It's just me letting off some steam.
You can also check out my previous rants.
If you find the following rant offensive, then you can read the Jesusified version of it.
I was flipping through channels the other day when I came across this little gem of a TV show. The premise is very simple... you sit in this nifty chair and people ask you trivia questions... while they subject you to horrible horrible pain!! Someone out there obviously doesn't think there's enough torture in game shows. I swear, The Running Man is gonna become a true story at this rate. Anyway, let's go over the specifics of the game...
There are two contestants who compete against each other by trying to answer the most amount of questions in the least amount of time. The winner of this round gets to be the one who goes into "The Chamber" (so, technically, the person who loses the first round really IS the winner). What is the Chamber? Well, it's a chair you get strapped into which is located in a small room which seals itself when you go in. It has 2 modes: hot and cold. What's the difference? Here's the information from the official website. It says it much better than I ever could:
In the hot mode, the contestants will be forced to deal with 150 degree heat, hurricane force winds, powerful flames and heaters, chair rotations of 360 degrees, sharp chair vibrations, an electronic muscle contractor and earthquake-like rattling. In the cold mode, the contestants are equally challenged when the temperature drops to 20 degrees below zero. Cold water cannons are shot at the contestant's face and upper body and frost is released, causing ice to form on the contestant's head. Chair vibrations and wind bursts of up to 140 mph rattle the contestant during questioning and electronic muscle contractions can be felt all over the player's body.
I still haven't figured out why people are voluntarily doing this. I mean, why doesn't a person just go on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? You can win more money, and they don't HURT you (physically anyway)! You know, the more I think about it, the more this thing would make a great torture device. I mean, just remove the 'winning money' part and strap some terrorist in there.
From what I can tell, there are three ways for the Chamber to shut down. One is if you maintain "critical stress levels" for more than 10 seconds (or something like that), another is if they think you're in real physical danger and the third is if you get 2 questions wrong in a row. So basically, the Chamber will shut down if you have a heart attack, get decapitated, or think that Danny DeVito was in Star Wars and The Iron Giant was voiced by Ricardo Montalban.
I don't know about anyone else, but if I'm strapped into a violently shaking chair which is rotating over a grate of fire while I'm being asked what the main ingredient is in a Mars bar, I would probably answer "What the fuck is WRONG with you?! I'm suspended upside down over a grate of fire!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME!!" The least they could do is ask questions which would determine if I'm a threat to national security. I mean, if you're gonna subject someone to painful torture while asking them questions, the least you could do is ask them questions worth being tortured over!
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