"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...." -Dennis Miller
Like everybody, there are quite a few things in this world which just annoy the hell out of me. I try not to voice these opinions for various reasons. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, I appear bitter when I do, etc. Unfortunately, unless I voice my frustrations, they don't go away. The solution I've come up with, is this Rant & Roar section of my website. Every so often, I plan to vent my frustration, go on a rant and just plain roar about a certain topic that annoys me. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone in particular. This section is not an excuse for me to attack anyone. It's just me letting off some steam.
You can also check out my previous rants.
If any television program signifies the downward spiral and deterioration of society, then that program is The Jerry Springer Show. No longer are we content to watching Balki save cousin Larry from his own crazy schemes. Now it seems that we aren't content unless Balki beats the crap out of cousin Larry with a large blunt object. I can't help but feel that our society is only a few years away from turning into the movie The Running Man. Of course, I'm probably not one to talk. After all, I love the Jerry Springer Show!
That's right, I like the Jerry Springer show and I've seen more than my fair share of Jerry Springer episodes. Yes, I know the show is crude and yes, I know there are enough freaks on that show to scare even Satan, but damn, it's one entertaining show! Also, if the one eyed KKK midgets are fighting the 8 feet tall neo-nazis, then they aren't fighting me, and that's always comforting. While the show is fun to watch, I really can't help but wonder where the hell they pull out all of these freaks and weirdoes. And, most importantly, why the hell do these people come on the show?! I mean, even white-trash should have an IQ level higher than these people! Now, I wanna go over the 2 most common Jerry Springer scenarios. A good 75% of episodes contain one of the two following situations:
Scenario 1: Bubba, a third grade drop out with no job who weighs about 8 tons is engaged to 4 woman at the same time. He feels he's got a sweet deal going, but then, for some reason, he goes on Jerry Springer and lets everyone in the world know about his little setup. Naturally, he's shocked to find out that all 4 of his soon to be wives heard his confession (what are the odds?!) and a huge fight ensues, usually involving a steady stream of swearing and bitch-slapping. Now, my question is, what the hell is Bubba thinking!? Does he not realize that he's on NATIONAL TELEVISION?! And how stupid do his girl-friends have to be not to notice that he's seeing 3 other women?! The most frustrating thing is that the 4 woman engaged to Bubba are attacking EACH OTHER instead of bashing Bubba's head in. I mean, this scum-bag doesn't deserve to be engaged to anyone. If these women think Bubba is some kind of catch, then I'd hate to see the men they don't want to be with!
Scenario 2: A female stripper named Sunshine and her boyfriend Billy-Joe are on an episode entitled "I've been cheating on you with another woman". Sunshine tells her boyfriend that she has a huge secret to tell him. Her boyfriend, who is clearly dirt stupid, smiles and acts really happy like she's about to propose or give him a lap dance or something. Then, when she confesses that she's been sleeping with another woman, Billy-Joe is shocked beyond belief. After this, Sunshine's female love-muffin comes out and she trades a lot of colourful words with Billy-Joe. That's when the bitch-slapping begins. Now, here's the part that Billy-Joe should have picked up on: If your girl-friend asks you to be on an episode of Jerry Springer called "I've been cheating on you with another woman", then SHE'S BEEN CHEATING ON YOU WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. It shouldn't be too hard to make this connection. This isn't brain surgery we're talking about here. It's not even elementary school math. On a similar note, if you're girl-friend or boy-friend asks you to be on ANY episode of the Jerry Springer show, then do yourself a favour and end the relationship as quickly as possible.
When I stop to think just how many of these people should be pursued by Mulder and Scully, it kind of scares me. It seems that people don't care about substance or quality when seeking entertainment. And the sad truth is, I'm no exception. I have no idea why I find Jerry Springer so amusing. Maybe it taps into some deranged dark side of my soul I never knew about. I mean, instead of watching philosophical debates, we are all watching two necrophiliacs beating each other up over a dead cat. I guess as long as we're entertained, no one's going to change anything. Oh well, bring on Bubba then!
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