"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...." -Dennis Miller
Here is my Rant and Roar page. My rants vary in length depending on how I feel and how much I have to say about each issue. Once again, I'd like to point out that I am not trying to offend anyone in particular. This is just me blowing off some steam.
Like most of the potato chip eating population, I have my favorite flavours which I stick to most of the time (I'm partial to Doritos and Barbecue flavoured chips of any kind), and then there are the other flavours, which I tend to notice as much as an Alicia Silverstone movie. While casually glancing over the potato chip rack the other day looking for some BBQ chips, I noticed something that I could not ignore however. A bag of "pickle" flavoured chips. A shiver immediately went down my spine. It was at that moment that I realized that they had officially ran out of flavours for potato chips. Pickle flavoured chips are wrong for so many different reasons. Firstly, it's disgusting. I don't know what artificial pickle flavouring is made of, but I'm sure it's connected somehow to the melting of the polar icecaps. Secondly, if you want something that tastes like a pickle, then GET A PICKLE! Most of the flavours that exist for chips are things which cannot be eaten by themselves. No one goes around eating a bowl of sour cream and onions. At least, no one sane. The flavouring ON potato chips is suppose to compliment the flavour of the chips themselves. If you're gonna buy a bag of chips that tastes like some other kind of food, then it's not the chips you really want to be eating.
All this thinking about potato chip flavours got me to realize how absurd most of these flavours really are. I mean, BBQ is a method of cooking, not a flavour. BBQ chips are suppose to taste like barbecued WHAT? Potatoes? Hot Dogs? People? It's like having oven flavoured chips, or microwave flavored chips. The name doesn't give you any kind of insight into what the chips might taste like.
Of course, the names aren't really that important, are they? I mean, as long as you LIKE the flavour of chips you're eating, then who cares what it's called? It's like those old Apple Jax commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about. There are a bunch of kids eating Apple Jax and being happy. Then, a parent (or some other authority figure) walks in and asks them why they like Apple Jax if it doesn't taste like apples. This stumps the kids for about a minute before one of them blurts out "we just do", which is greeting by cheering and shouts of agreement from the other pre-teens. Personally, I always found those commercials to be extremely stupid. People don't like or dislike a cereal based on if the name of the cereal matches its taste. People buy their cereals because they like the taste. No one buys Lucky Charms expecting the marshmallows to taste like actual horseshoes.
Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent here. Back to the issue at hand. My biggest complain about potato chip flavours is with those bastards who keep pumping out new flavours of chips in order to attract different kinds of people. You've covered all the flavours! It's time to stop! Pickle chips draw the line as far as I'm concerned. We are only one step away from Tofu flavoured chips at this point, and then what's next? Potato flavoured potato chips? No one is asking for bizarre flavoured potato chips, so stop producing them!
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