The following is a list of quotes I've collected from many different places. Unfortunately, because I took them from so many different places, I can't quite remember where I found all of them. As a result, I may have made some mistakes about who said what. The quotes themselves should be accurate though. Whenever I find a new great quote, I will add it to the list. Anyways, here they are, my favorite quotes!
"Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in." - Evan Davis
"By eating tainted food from a dented can, you can simulate a gunshot wound to the stomach without actually being fired on" - Ajax, Duckman
"A word of encouragement during failure is worth more than a whole book of praises after a success" - Anon
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try" - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons.
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other" - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts
"Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?" - unknown.
"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face" - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts.
"My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH" - Steven Wright.
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car" - unknown.
"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone" - Javan.
"It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them" -Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens).
"Whoever said it doesn't matter if you win or lose, must have been riding in the back of the loser bus - covered in human filth" - Duckman, Duckman.
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand" - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons.
"Guns don't kill people, I do" - T-Shirt from Happy Gilmore.
"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." - Mark Twain
"Trying is the first step towards failure" - Homer Simpson, The Simpsons.
"Women, can't live with them, pass the beer nuts" - Norm, Cheers.
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked" - Bumper sticker.
"We serve vegetarian. All our cows eat only grass" - Queue de Cheval Restaurant.
"Don't the hours grow
shorter as the days go by?
we never get to stop and open our eyes.
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall,
The next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all" -
Lovers in a Dangerous time, The Barenaked Ladies.
"Don't worry, she only kills when she's crazy" - Mystery Science Theater 3000.
"Why should I have to work for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!" - Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes.
"Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots" - www.despair.com
"Everything distracts me from everything else" - Jeff Parsons.
"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway." - Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes.
"If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly" - www.despair.com
"The difference between theory and practice is that, in theory, there's no difference between theory and practice" - Unknown
"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks" - Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"Believing is faith, faith is caring, caring is passion, passion is confusing, confusion is mind-boggling, cows are mind-boggling. Therefore, by the transitive property of equality, Believing is cows" - Derek Greenfield, (http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~dgreenf/brandon.html).
"Movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative" - Billy, Scream.
"It's not a lie, if you belive it" - George Costanza, Seinfeld.
"We say god bless you after someone sneezes, but there is nothing to say if someone coughs, so I recommend every time anyone is in the presence of someone else coughing, you should say "goo"" - Derek Greenfield, (http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~dgreenf/brandon.html).
"The most wasted of all days is the day one did not laugh" - Nicolas Chamfort.
"The traits we hate most in others are often traits we have ourselves" - Eric Hochstein (a.k.a, me).
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers.
"I'll always remember the last words of my father - a truck" - Emo Phillips.
"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence" - Carl Sagan.
"You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!" - Mr. Hat, South Park.
"We all are worms, but i do belive I am a glowworm" - Winston Churchill.
"I just don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die" - Mr.Garrison, South Park.
"Every kind of writing is good save that which bores." - Voltaire.
"Academic achievement is not a prerequisite for intelligence" - Unknown.
"It is much easier to be critical than to be correct" - Benjamin Diaraeli.
"I'm exactly like a gay woman except I don't have sex with women" - Sharon Stone.
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups" - www.despair.com
"When I was your age, television was called, "books."" - grandfather, The Princess Bride.
"I don't trust air I can't see" - Capt. Ramsey, Crimson Tide.
"My client's a moron, that's not against the law" - Caffey, A Few Good Men.
"Why do little blue midgits hit me with fish?" - The Tick, The Tick.
"I never meant to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it." - John Stuart Mill
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