"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...." -Dennis Miller
Like everybody, there are quite a few things in this world which just annoy the hell out of me. I try not to voice these opinions for various reasons. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, I appear bitter when I do, etc. Unfortunately, unless I voice my frustrations, they don't go away. The solution I've come up with, is this Rant & Roar section of my website. Every so often, I plan to vent my frustration, go on a rant and just plain roar about a certain topic that annoys me. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone in particular. This section is not an excuse for me to attack anyone. It's just me letting off some steam.
You can also check out my previous rants.
If you ever tried to put up a poster, then odds are, you know the stuff I'm talking about. It's called Tacky-Mack, or Sticky-Tack, or something with "Tack" in it. Basically, this blue crap is put on the back of posters in order to keep them from falling off walls, or ceilings, or wherever you put your posters *insert sexual joke here*. The reason you would use Tacky-Crack instead of tape or other poster-putter-upper-methods, is because Tofuty-Tack doesn't take the paint off your walls, which can get annoying. As you might expect though, the stuff doesn't work at all.
When you first buy the Tacky-Wack, it looks like a blue block of Silly Putty. To use the stuff, you have to tear off small pieces of it and place them on the back of your poster. Then, you put the poster up and watch as it stays up for a good 5 minutes, and then falls to the ground rather pathetically. You see, the problem with Hacky-Tack, is that you can't put too little or too much of it on your poster or it won't work properly. That's right. If you put more sticky stuff on your poster, it won't be sticky enough. This is a brilliant idea, isn't it? They should sell it on the same rack that has the flashlights that don't work when it's too dark out. I'm still not quite sure how exactly one MAKES a sticky substance that becomes less sticky when applied in large quantities. Of course, I'm not quite sure how one makes Craft Dinner, so I guess I shouldn't really be surprised by that. Anyway, the point is, you need to put the exact right amount of Cracky-Tack on your poster or else it won't stay up at all. This means you end up spending way too much time taking bits of Crappy-Tack from one part of your poster and moving it to other parts only to watch your poster collapse time and time again.
Even if, by some miracle of nature, you manage to strike the exact right balance of Fruity-Tack on your poster, doesn't mean the poster will stay up very long. Just because your poster doesn't fall right away, doesn't mean it won't fall in the near future. Sure, it might not fall just yet, but it will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. It's like Chinese water torture. You know the poster is going to fall, you just don't know when, and you'll be driven mad trying to figure it out.
Foolishly, I thought I had beaten the Sexy-Tack a few months back when I attempted to put a poster up over my bed. The poster seemed to stay up, and in my arrogance, I assumed that I was victorious over the supposedly sticky substance. "Stupid-ass Booby-Tack!" I shouted smugly at my blue nemesis. Slowly, as the days drifted by, I got lulled deeper and deeper into my false sense of security. The Tacky-Smack was biding it's time. Then, a few nights ago, it struck. As I lay sleeping blissfully, the poster over my bed came loose and it fell on my head, waking me from my slumber. I could almost hear the blue substance mocking me. I threw the poster off my bed and went back to sleep. I had learned my lesson. The Horny-Tack was not to be underestimated. Most importantly, I learned that the crap just plain doesn't work!
Paint be damned! From now on, I use tape to keep my posters up!
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