"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but...." -Dennis Miller
Like everybody, there are quite a few things in this world which just annoy the hell out of me. I try not to voice these opinions for various reasons. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, I appear bitter when I do, etc. Unfortunately, unless I voice my frustrations, they don't go away. The solution I've come up with, is this Rant & Roar section of my website. Every so often, I plan to vent my frustration, go on a rant and just plain roar about a certain topic that annoys me. I mean absolutely no offense to anyone in particular. This section is not an excuse for me to attack anyone. It's just me letting off some steam.
You can also check out my previous rants.
Here is an experience we've all had.... You're walking home alone late one night when you see someone off in the distance ahead of you. You think nothing of it and continue walking. As you approach however, you notice that this person is mumbling something rather loudly. As you get closer, you are finally able to make out what the shadowy figure is chanting. "Brains! Need brains!" it seems to be saying to itself. You sigh in annoyance as the realization dawns on you that the person shambling towards you is a zombie.
Now, I don't want to sound like a bigot, but I hate zombies. I hate everything about them. First, they smell. Now, I understand that they are walking corpses and that decaying bodies do tend to smell, but in this day and age, is that really an excuse?. Is it so hard to get a stick of deodorant or some perfume or some cologne? If living people know how to use these things, then dead people who've ALREADY lived should have no problem. Second, they are rude. No "please", no "may I", no "would it be too much trouble if", it's just "Brains, need brains!". That's not acceptable in a civilized society. Third, they're selfish. They seem to think that their brain eating needs are all that matter. They never seem to take anybody else's brain eating needs into consideration and that's not right! Lastly, they try to kill everybody. This just doesn't sit well with me.
One of the biggest problems with the walking dead is that they'll go to any lengths to kill you and eat your brains. I know firsthand that being bitten by a zombie is probably the worst thing a person can experience.... except maybe for hearing that sound made when people run their fingernails across a blackboard. That sound is just awful! Anyway, as I was saying, zombies will do anything to get at you. They will shatter windows, break down doors, climb over obstacles and more. This makes them a pain to deal with.
This raises the question "what the hell do we do?" Well, as always, a point-blank shotgun blast to the face will usually take down your average zombie. The problem with this strategy is that it's messy. Also, zombies tend to strike in large groups. You can't solve the problem by going around blowing away zombies left and right because there's just gonna be too damn many of them. You're gonna run out of ammo. And, don't forget that most of us don't carry around shotguns with us all the time. In fact, if you DO carry around a shotgun with you all the time, then I'd probably be more afraid of you than I would be of the walking dead. Usually, if the situation gets out of hand, the army will be called in. This always seems like a good idea, but they never seem to be particularly useful, and that can be depressing.
So, what DO we do? Well, there are a few possible solutions. Sometimes, all you need to do is kill the first person that was zombified. The remaining zombies should turn back to normal (or die, but either one is good). This isn't always the case however. Sometimes, there is something controlling all the zombies. It could be a mad scientist, a parasite, etc. If this is the case, then whatever it is, it needs to be killed. If that doesn't work, then the only thing that will really do the trick is nuking the entire city. That will usually kill all the zombies. This solution, while fun, does create the problem of leaving a large smoking crater where your city used to be.
I know it's hard to figure out which one of these solutions is the correct one, but the good news is, we don't need to figure it out. You know that one teenager everyone thinks is crazy and no one ever takes seriously? Well, he'll actually figure the whole thing out and will be able to stop it. Everyone else really just needs to sit back and hold off the zombies until the teenager fixes everything.
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