RATED PG
Ray sighed happily and smiled, resting his cheek against Benny’s hair. It was late on a Sunday morning, and Ray was in one of his favorite places, Benny’s apartment. Benny’s bed, to be more specific.
He had begged off going to Church, telling his mother he had to go into the precinct and catch up on some paperwork; but he had come over here to Benny’s instead, and they had spent the morning making love.
Ray hated lying to his mother, and he felt guilty about it, but he didn’t see any other way for right now. A part of him wanted to tell her- tell the whole family- about the true nature of his and Benny’s relationship; and Benny wanted that even more, but Ray hadn’t found the courage to do it so far.
Things were going so well for him and Benny- they had been together for nearly eight months now, and it had been the happiest time of Ray’s life. He didn’t want anything to ruin that happiness.
So if he had to dodge awkward questions, and make up excuses as to where he had been and what he had been doing, and if he couldn’t spend the night at Benny’s as often as he liked... Well, he didn’t exactly like doing it, but everything in life had a price, and this was the price he had to pay for loving Benny.
Ben stirred in his arms suddenly, and sleepy blue eyes smiled up at him. “Hello,” Benny said, giving Ray a kiss.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was,” Benny smiled. “This is nicer.” He settled more comfortably against Ray’s shoulder, and wrapped his arms around Ray’s waist.
“Much nicer,” Ray agreed. “So, Benny, what do you want to do this afternoon? We’ve got plenty of time to kill before we have to be at Ma’s for dinner.” Ray had told his mother that he was going to pick Benny up on his way home from work.
“Hmmm,” Benny teased, “I’m not sure.” He ran a finger in slow circles over Ray’s chest.
Ray slid his hand slowly down Benny’s back, letting it come to rest on Ben’s ass. “You know, Benny, we’re two grown men, I’m sure we can think of something to occupy our time.”
Ben’s smile blossomed into a full-blown grin. “Yes, I’m sure we can at that,” he said, pulling Ray down into another kiss.
After spending a most enjoyable afternoon indeed, Ray and Benny drove over to the Vecchio home. They entered through the kitchen and were welcomed by the delicious smells of dinner cooking.
Diefenbaker curled up in his favorite spot next to the oven, and Rosa smiled at the wolf, then at the two men. “Hello, Benton.”
“Hello, Mrs. Vecchio.”
“How was work today, Caro?” Rosa asked, planting a kiss on Ray’s cheek.
“It was okay,” Ray answered, his eyes sliding away from his mother’s. Benny shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the floor.
“Good, good,” Rosa replied. “Would you two boys do me a favor and set the table for dinner?”
“Of course,” Ray and Benny replied, and they both busied themselves setting the table, glad of the distraction. The two men didn’t speak as they were performing their task; they barely even looked at each other. An odd tension had risen between them, and Ray’s mood soured.
During dinner, things picked up as both men were swept into the conversation flowing around the dinner table. Most of the talk centered around the Thanksgiving holiday, which was the coming Thursday; with most of the talk specifically about the Thanksgiving feast Rosa was already starting to prepare.
“Speaking of Thanksgiving dinner,” Frannie said, turning to her mother, “I’ve been meaning to ask you if I can invite a guest.”
“Would this guest be Thomas?” Rosa asked with a knowing smile.
“Well, yes,” Fran answered, blushing slightly.
A series of whistles went around the table. Thomas was the man Frannie had been dating for about six weeks, and unlike most of her past boyfriends, this one was actually a decent man.
“Of course Thomas is welcome here,” Rosa said with a pleased smile.
Ray started to say something, and Rosa silenced him with a glare. “And I’ll be sure that the family is on their best behavior.”
“Speaking of Thanksgiving dates,” Maria said, looking at her brother, “remember my friend Naomi?”
“Yeah?” Ray said, suddenly on guard.
“Well, she’s a really nice girl- smart, funny, fun. I think the two of you would really hit if off.”
Ray felt Benny tense next to him, but when he looked over, Benny was staring down at his plate, concentrating all his attention on his food.
“And she doesn’t have any firm plans for Thanksgiving yet,” Maria continued.
“Forget it,” Ray said firmly.
“Why? I really think that you-”
“No, Maria! No way! I’m not being fixed up with one of your friends, and I’m sure as hell not being fixed up on a blind date for Thanksgiving. It’s a holiday, and I want to be able to relax and have fun with my family, not be on my best behavior and try to impress some woman.”
“But Ray-”
“No, Maria. Forget it. Let’s talk about something else now.” Ray picked up his fork and resumed his meal. He tried to catch Benny’s eye, but Benny was avoiding his gaze- as well as that of everyone else at the table.
The conversation at the dinner table soon resumed its usual boisterous level, but Ray and Benny were both silent and tense for the rest of the meal, and the silence continued on the drive home.
When they arrived at Ben’s building, Ray followed Benny inside and up to his apartment. “Benny, about what happened at dinner..."
Benny sighed and looked directly at him at last.
“Look Benny, I know it was awkward, horrible even, but there wasn’t any way to avoid a situation like that.”
“Actually, Ray, there is,” Ben said quietly.
Ray’s already tense nerves frayed even further. “Come on, Benny. We’re not going to have this discussion right now.”
“Aren’t you ever going to tell them, Ray?”
“Benny...”
“You keep saying you’ll tell them when the time is right.”
“And I will, Benny.” Ray’s voice had taken on a dangerous edge, but Ben either didn’t notice it or chose to ignore it.
“And when will the time be right, Ray? Right now you don’t want to spoil the holiday season, and after that you’ll want to wait until after your mother’s birthday. And then Mother’s Day is coming right up, and you wouldn’t want anything to mar that occasion, would you? And the summer is always such a nice time of year that you wouldn’t want anything to intrude on that.”
“Cut it out, Benny!” Ray snapped.
“The point I’m trying to make is that there is never going to be a perfect or easy time to tell your family the news. We could wait and wait and wait for the perfect time, and it will never arrive. Why not just tell them now, and end this agony?”
“It’s not ‘agony’, Benny.”
“But it’s not easy, either, Ray. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be with you in front of your family these days? I’m always afraid I’ll look at you in the wrong way, or slip up and call you by an affectionate nickname in front of them, or touch you in an inappropriate manner.
“I’m always tense and on guard around them now; not to mention the fact that I’m constantly lying to them.”
“I do know how hard it is, Benny. I’m going through the exact same thing myself. The only difference is, I have to go through it each and every day. But it’s the only way to do things right now.”
“No it’s not, Ray.”
Ray shook his head and turned away from Ben.
There was a long minute of silence, and then Ben spoke in a quiet, hesitant, voice. “Ray, are you ashamed of me?”
Ray spun back around, glaring at his lover. “Damn it, Benny don’t do that! Don’t you try to lay a guilt trip on me.”
Then he got a close look at Benny’s face, and saw the sincerity in his expression. My God, could Benny really think that? He hurried over to Benny and took his face gently between his hands. “No, Benny. No. Of course I’m not ashamed of you. I love you.”
He gave Benny a kiss, but Ben quickly pulled away. “You’re ashamed of loving me, then? Or are you ashamed of yourself?”
Ray’s temper flared again, and he stepped away from Ben, glaring at him. Why in the hell couldn’t Benny just leave things alone? Things were fine as they were. Well, they weren’t fine exactly, but things were working. He wanted his family, and he wanted Benny, and this way he got to keep them both.
Except... Except Benny had a point. By not telling his family, he was lying to them. Constantly. About himself, who he really was, about how he truly felt about Benny, about how happy his was. And it made his relationship with Benny look like less than it really was; like they were having some kind of cheap affair, rather than being in love.
But the thought of telling them nearly terrified Ray. He couldn’t risk losing them. He didn’t want to be the object of his family’s scorn and contempt, cut off from all contact with them. Why couldn’t Benny understand that?
Deep down inside, Ray knew that Benny was right, which only increased his guilt, which in turn fueled his anger. “Don’t play psychologist with me, Benny! I’ll tell them when I know the time is right. I’m not going to rush into telling them and blow things with my family.”
Ben took a step closer. “Ray, come on. They’re your family. I hardly think they’ll...”
Ray’s anger flared even higher. Why couldn’t Benny just let this drop? “That’s right, Benny. They’re my family. So it’s my decision. So why don’t you just let me worry about family stuff, and you stick to something you might actually know something about?”
If he lived to be a hundred, Ray knew that he would never be able to forget the look on Benny’s face at that moment. Or be able to forgive himself for being the one to put it there.
For a moment there was a look of total surprise on Benny’s face, but it was quickly washed away by a look of incredible hurt. Then Ben turned away to face the wall.
“Oh my God, Benny,” Ray whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” He reached out and put his hands on Benny’s shoulders. Ben’s muscles, already tight, tensed even further under Ray’s hands.
Ben took a step away from Ray, pulling away from his touch. “Obviously you did mean it, Ray. At least to some degree, or you wouldn’t have said it.”
“Benny...” Ray reached out to touch Benny again, then stopped, letting his hands drop back to his side.
“I think you’d better go now, Ray.” Ben said quietly.
“Benny, come on... I’m sorry. Can’t we talk about this?”
“Please. Leave.”
Ray just stood there for another moment, then slowly turned and walked away. When he got to the door, he looked back at Benny. He was standing just as still and stiff as before, but his head was resting against the wall, and it looked as if he had his eyes closed.
Without another word, Ray left the apartment and closed the door behind him.
Ray spent the drive back to his house simmering with anger, only this time the anger was directed entirely at himself. Why had he lashed out at Benny like that? Why had he said that to him? That comment, of all things? The one thing he knew would hurt Benny more than any other.
He knew how much it hurt Benny that he had no family left, he knew how out of place Benny still felt with the Vecchio family, and how hard he was trying to fit in, to be a part of the family. He knew how much it meant for Benny to be accepted as a member of the family, even in an unofficial capacity. And he had taken that knowledge and used it against Benny like a weapon.
No wonder Benny had wanted him to leave. Ray wanted to apologize, to take it back and make Benny feel better, but he didn’t think words would be enough. And Benny obviously didn’t want Ray anywhere near him right now, and Ray couldn’t blame him for that at all.
So there was Benny, alone in his apartment, once again feeling like an outsider, like he didn’t belong anywhere, and this time it was all Ray’s fault.
He parked the Riv in the driveway and headed into the house, completely miserable. He bumped into his mother in the front hall, and Rosa smiled at him; but her smile quickly faded into a worried frown. “Ray, what’s wrong? You look so upset.”
Ray looked at Rosa for a minute, then looked away and sighed and shook his head. “It’s nothing, Ma. I’m just really tired. I’m going up to bed now.”
Rosa stared at him, then nodded. “All right, Raimondo. You get some sleep now. You’ve been working too hard lately.”
Ray nodded without meeting his mother’s eyes, and headed upstairs. He went into his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. “Vecchio, you chicken shit asshole,” he told himself.
He had had the perfect opportunity to tell his mother the truth just now, but he hadn’t. Maybe Benny was right. Maybe he was ashamed. Not of Benny, certainly, but of himself. Or maybe he was just too damn afraid of losing the comfortable situation he had now.
But how comfortable was this? Him alone and miserable on one side of town, Benny alone and miserable on the other? Ray sighed and rubbed his eyes, wishing he had the answers. Wishing he was a better person.
Sleep did not come easily for Ray that night. Instead, he spent most of the night awake, thinking about the situation he was now in, and calling himself names that Pop, even in the worst of his drunken rages, would never have thought of calling him.
The next morning, Ray was at Benny’s apartment building at the usual time, wondering what kind of reception he would receive. He stood outside the door to 3J for a minute, gathering his nerve. Usually he would have just walked right into the apartment, but that didn’t feel like the proper course of action under the circumstances.
He knocked quietly on the door, and it was quickly opened. A look of mild surprise crossed Benny’s face, then a calm mask fell into place. “Good morning, Ray,” he said with a small nod.
“Hi, Benny.”
Ben stepped aside, and Ray gratefully entered the apartment. He breathed in. “You’re making coffee?”
Ben nodded, and a small smile crossed his face. “Yes. Strong coffee.”
“You couldn’t sleep last night either, huh?”
Ben just shook his head, then got two mugs out of the cupboard. “I made enough for two,” he said.
“Thanks,” Ray said.
Ben put the cups on the counter. There was an awkward pause, then both men spoke at once.
“I’m sorry, Benny.”
“I’m sorry, Ray.”
“What?” Ray blinked in surprise. “What are you apologizing for, Benny?”
“Because Ray, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. You’re right, it should be your decision, and I have no right to try to force you to make that decision before you’re ready.”
“No Benny,” Ray said, stepping forward to take Benny’s hands. “It should be our decision. This affects both of us, both of our lives.”
He took a deep breath. “And Benny, that thing I said about my family. I’m so sorry. You have to know I didn’t mean it. I was angry, and I just lashed out. I’m sorry.”
“No Ray, you were right about that as well.”
“No, Benny.”
But Ben continued as if Ray hadn’t spoken. “Your family has always been kind to me, Ray. Very accepting of me, taking me in and making me feel welcome. And I took that to an extreme, telling myself that I’m one of the family when I’m really not at all. I pushed too much, strayed over my boundaries. I always do that.” Ben shook his head and poured coffee into mugs for himself and Ray.
Ray stared at Benny, his throat so tight he wasn’t sure he’d be able to speak. “Benny, you are part of the family. You are and you have been almost from the moment I first brought you home. They’re all nuts about you, you know that. They love you , Benny. They all do.”
Ben handed Ray his cup of coffee, but Ray put it on the counter and took hold of Ben’s arm instead.
“I know they care about me, Ray. And that means the world to me. But that doesn’t make them my family. Not really. They’re your family, and it should be your decision.
“I can’t even begin to imagine what things must be like for you, how torn you must feel, wanting to keep them happy, wanting to make me happy, and somehow in the middle of all that, trying to please yourself.”
“Benny,” Ray said, squeezing his eyes closed briefly, “I just want us to be happy. I want both of us to be happy.”
“I am happy, Ray. You make me happy, happier than I ever thought I would be. And I have no right to ask for more than that.”
“Benny...”
“So we’ll just leave things as they are for now, Ray. Until you’re ready to change them. I promise you I won’t bother you about this again.”
“Benny.” Ray stepped forward and pulled Benny into an embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around him. “I love you. I do. You know that I love you, right?”
“Of course I know that,” Benny said, tightening his arms around Ray. “I love you too, Ray.”
The two men stood for a few minutes quietly holding each other, then Ray pulled away. “Come on, we’d better finish our coffee and get to work. We both have a long day ahead of us.”
“I know,” Ben sighed.
Ray took a swallow of coffee and smiled at Ben. “Meet you at 1:00 for lunch?”
Like magic, a smile lit up Ben’s face. “Yes, Ray. I’ll see you then.”
Over the next few days, things between Benny and Ray returned to normal. For the most part, anyway. They went back to their usual routine of driving to work together, and having lunch together as often as possible, and Ray had managed to spend a night at Benny’s.
And on the surface, Benny was fine. He was happy in Ray’s company, he laughed and teased with Ray as he always had. But lurking below the surface was a sadness that Ray could sense, no matter how Benny tried to hide it.
It sometimes seemed as if Ben’s good mood was forced, as if he was trying to be happy, instead of actually being happy. And once or twice when he caught Benny in an unguarded moment, Ray saw a look of depression and sadness in Ben’s eyes.
When Ben noticed Ray watching him, the unhappy expression would disappear at once, quickly replaced by a happy façade.
Ray wished he could make that look go away entirely, that he could get Benny to talk about it. But getting Benny to talk about his feelings was about as likely as getting Diefenbaker to admit that he could hear.
Besides, Ray already knew what was bothering Benny. His stupid, hurtful words were still haunting Benny. He didn’t know how to make things better. Any words he might say would probably ring hollow to Benny- and understandably so.
The only action he could think of that might improve the situation was one he wasn’t ready to take yet. He wished he could get his courage together and just tell his family, but he couldn’t. Not yet.
He knew that the longer he put off telling his family, the worse it was going to be when he finally did break the news. And in the meantime, he was only prolonging the agony- for himself as well as Benny. But he didn’t want to lose his family. He couldn’t lose them. He couldn’t.
The Wednesday after the argument, Ray told his mother that he was working late. But instead of staying late at the precinct, he picked Benny up from the Consulate promptly at 5:00, and they went back to Benny’s apartment to make love.
Afterwards, Ray lay holding a half-asleep Benny in his arms, and wrestled with the situation for what felt like the thousandth time in less than a week. He couldn’t see any way out of the box he was trapped in. Not any way that wasn’t likely to cause someone pain, anyway. He wished he knew the right thing to do.
Remain silent, and keep on hurting Benny, and himself? Or tell the truth, and risk hurting his entire family, and possibly lose them forever?
He sighed harshly, and Ben turned to look at him. “Ray?”
Ray brushed a gentle kiss against Ben’s forehead. “I have to go now Benny,” he said; and felt Ben tense slightly in his arms.
“Of course,” Ben said quietly.
“It’s just with Thanksgiving being tomorrow, there’s a millions things I’ve got to do to help Ma.”
“I know, Ray. I understand.”
Ray slipped out of bed and got dressed, feeling Benny’s eyes bore into him as he did so. When he was done, he plastered a big, happy smile on his face and turned around to face Benny. “I’ll pick you up about 8:00 tomorrow morning. We can watch the parade and the football games before the big feast.”
Ben was sitting propped up against the headboard, the pillows arranged behind his back. He smiled at Ray. “That sounds fine, Ray. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Benny...” Ray’s voice trailed off and he sighed. He crossed over to the bed and gave Ben a quick kiss, then grabbed his coat from the back of a kitchen chair and put it on. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, Ray.”
The voice was so quiet that Ray wasn’t sure if he had actually heard the voice or only imagined it.
Thanksgiving morning, Ray arrived bright and early at Benny’s apartment, just as promised. He arrived to find his lover dressed and waiting. Diefenbaker was awaiting Ray’s arrival as well, much more impatiently than his human companion.
When Ray got a look at Ben, his breath caught in his throat. Benny was wearing black pants and a forest-green sweater which went perfectly with his coloring. He was smiling at Ray, and he looked even more handsome than usual.
When he saw Ray staring at him, his smile slipped a notch. “Is this okay, Ray?” he asked, indicating his outfit. I’m dressed appropriately, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, Benny, you’re dressed appropriately,” Ray said, coming forward to give him a kiss. “But seeing you in that outfit makes me want to act inappropriately.”
Benny laughed, and the two men headed downstairs, where they found a very eager Dief waiting for them by the car.
Benny and Ray arrived at the Vecchio home just as the parade was starting, and they quickly grabbed seats on the couch and enjoyed the show with the rest of the family. After the parade ended, most of the family watched a football game, but Benny found himself uninterested in the proceedings, so he headed into the kitchen to see if Rosa needed any help.
Rosa was only too glad to accept his help, and Benny spent the next couple of hours chopping vegetables and washing dishes and lifting heavy pots and pans. Ray would drift in and out of the kitchen during breaks in the game to see how the preparations were progressing, but would always manage to slip from the room before Rosa could put him to work.
As Benny and Rosa began winding down the preparations, the extended Vecchio family began to arrive, and the house began to get crowded- and noisy. “Can I do anything else for you, Rosa?” Benny asked as he hung the dishtowel on its hook.
“No Benton, you’ve been a great help to me, but why don’t you go relax a bit before dinner?”
“All right, thank you,” Ben smiled; and went off in search of Ray.
He found Ray in the living room watching a football game- Ben couldn’t tell if it was the same one that had been playing when he left the room a couple hours earlier.
Ray looked up an saw him and smiled. “Hey Benny, free at last?”
“Yes, Ray.”
“Great, let’s see if we can find a quiet moment before the rest of the horde descends.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
The two men headed into the sitting room and stopped short just inside the door. Frannie and Thomas were in the room, leaning against the wall, locked in a passionate kiss.
Either hearing them or sensing them, the couple sprang apart, Frannie looking away and blushing.
“Thomas, how nice to see you again,” Ray said, not even trying to hide his grin.
The younger man shrugged and gave an embarrassed grin of his own. “What can I say? We’re in love. You know how it is.”
He and Benny looked at each other, then quickly away. “Yeah, I think I remember,” Ray replied lightly. “We’ll leave you two alone.”
“And close the door after you,” Frannie said.
Ray and Benny went back into the hallway, their moods slightly spoiled. “We should probably go see if your mother needs help setting the table,” Ben said quietly.
“Yeah,” Ray sighed.
Maria had already started setting the table, but she eagerly accepted their help, and before long all the places were set, and platters and bowls and baskets of food covered every available spot on the table.
Just as they were finishing up, Tony entered the dining room. “Anything I can do to help?”
“No honey,” Maria told him. “With your usual impeccable timing, you showed up just as we were finishing.”
“Oh, good,” Tony said, laughing.
Maria joined in his laughter and slipped her arms around his waist and gave him a kiss.
Ray found himself feeling suddenly, irrationally angry. Everywhere he went, lately, it seemed he saw couples expressing their love- holding hands, walking arm-in-arm, making out in front of their families, for crying out loud! Why did he and Benny always have to hide their love?
He wondered briefly what it would be like if his family knew about them. Would they feel as free as Tony and Maria- or Frannie and Thomas- to show their love? Certainly the family wouldn’t mind if they held hands once in a while, would they?
But what the hell kind of a reason was that to come out to his family- so he and Benny could hold hands when they wanted? Ray’s turbulent thoughts were broken into by a wave of voices and laughter as the rest of the family trooped into the dining room.
With only a small amount of confusion and chaos, they all found seats around the table. “All right, everyone,” Rosa called, straining to make her voice heard above the babble. Gradually the voices died down, and Rosa continued.
“I am very glad that we can all be here today, to share in this Thanksgiving meal, and share the company and comfort and love of family. Family has always been the most important thing to me, and that has been driven home more than ever lately.”
A murmur ran around the table as everyone nodded in agreement. “When times get scary and dark, and difficult, the ones who help you through it are your loved ones- your family. When it comes right down to it, nothing- nothing we could own, no job, no possession, is as important as the people in our lives.
“The people we love are what’s important, and what we should be paying attention to- especially now.”
“Amen,” several people said.
Ray just looked at his mother, remaining silent as her words hit home.
“And now, in the Vecchio tradition,” Rosa smiled, “we will go around the table and say what we are thankful for.”
Not surprisingly, everyone at the table named their family and friends as the thing for which they were most thankful. Ray barely heard anyone else speaking though. His heart was pounding, and he could hear a faint roaring in his ears.
Oh God, oh God, oh God... He couldn’t put off telling his family. He knew that. He knew that he couldn’t put off telling them forever, and suddenly it felt like he couldn’t put off telling them for another moment. It was a rather abrupt change for him to deal with.
As it got closer and closer to his turn to speak, Ray started a silent prayer. ‘Please God, let me do this. Give me the courage to go through with this. Please help me. Don’t let me chicken out.’
“Ray?” He looked up to see his mother smiling at him; and unbelievably, his heart started beating even faster. He cleared his throat and prepared to possibly ruin Thanksgiving for everyone.
“Like everyone else,” he said, “I am most thankful for my family. For all of my family, and for one member in particular.” He reached out and took Benny’s hand and squeezed it tightly.
He heard Benny gasp, and looked over to see that Benny had suddenly gone rather pale, and his eyes were huge in his face. “Ray, you don’t have to do this,” he whispered. “Not like this, not now.”
“Be quiet, Benny,” Ray smiled at him. “My decision, remember?”
Benny gave him a weak smile, and squeezed Ray’s hand even tighter.
“Benny is a member of my family, and no offense to anyone else at the table, but he is the most important member. Benny is... we are... We’re in love,” he finally blurted out. “We’re lovers.”
Wow. He had said it. He had actually said the words aloud, to his family, and it appeared that the world had kept on turning.
“What?” Someone said. Ray couldn’t place the voice, but it wasn’t one of his immediate family, so he ignored it. All his attention was focused on his mother in that moment.
Rosa was looking from Ray to Benny, from Benny to Ray, an expression of concentration on her face. “Ma?” Ray asked nervously.
Rosa shook her head sadly. “I should have asked you about this a long time ago,” she said.
“What?”
“I thought something like that must be going on, but other times I wasn’t sure. I thought when you were ready you’d come to me and tell me. But I think it was very hard on you, and I should have brought the subject up myself.”
Ray was blinking, trying to decide which question to ask first. “How could you tell?” He asked finally.
From across the table, Frannie laughed. “Give me a break, Ray. You guys may have thought you covered it up well, but we’re not blind- or stupid. I mean come on, Benton lives how far away? It shouldn’t take you three hours to give him a ride home.”
Both Ray and Benny blushed at that, and she laughed again. “Plus, you’re always making goo-goo eyes at each other.”
“We do not!” Ray exclaimed. “We do not make goo-goo eyes!”
“If you say so,” Fran answered, rolling her eyes.
“Ma,” Ray said, turning back to face his mother. “You’re not upset by this? Not freaked out at all?”
Rosa paused before answering. “When I first began to suspect what was going on, I did try to convince myself it wasn’t true. Not because I thought it was wrong, but because I knew the difficulties you and Benton would be up against if you actually were- lovers.” She said the word with some difficulty, but she said it, and Ray smiled.
“Every parent wants their child to have a good life, to be happy-”
“I am happy, Ma,” Ray interrupted. “Happier than I’ve ever been.”
“Yes, I can tell,” Rosa smiled. “And I see how happy Benton is also. You are both good men, you both deserve happiness. And if you make each other happy, how can I disagree with that?”
“I don’t believe this!” A voice exclaimed from the opposite end of the table. Everyone turned to see George Vecchio staring at Rosa, Ray and Benny in disgust. “You really think this is okay, Rosa? Your son is a homo, he goes against everything the Bible and the Church teaches, and you don’t care?”
“The Bible and the Church also teach love and compassion,” Rosa said quietly.
The man answered with a snort, and Ray shook his head. George was his dear departed Pop’s younger brother, and about as enlightened as Ray’s father had been. It was no surprise to see him reacting this way; but it still wasn’t pleasant.
“And when your son comes waltzing in here with his pretty-boy faggot, sitting down to dinner with him-”
Ray shot to his feet, glaring at the older man. Ben quickly jumped up, grabbing Ray by the shoulders. “Ray, don’t. It’s all right.”
Ray looked at him, and Benny smiled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Consider the source,” he whispered, and pushed Ray gently back into his chair.
“I will not allow you to use such disgusting words in my home, George,” Rosa warned.
“I can’t believe this. You make a big speech about how family means everything, then you support something like this. Well, this doesn’t happen in my family, and we won’t stay here with these- two.” He managed to make the last word sound like a curse.
“You have a decision to make Rosa. Which is it going to be? Sinners or your family?”
Rosa rose to her feet and walked around the table to stand between Benny and Ray. “You’re right, George,” she agreed. “I do have a decision to make.”
She reached out and placed one hand on Ray’s shoulder, and one on Benny’s. “And I chose my family.”
It took a few seconds for the meaning of her words to sink in, but when they did, Benny looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears. She wasn’t looking at him, though, all her attention was focused on her brother-in-law. She was giving him a calm, yet unyielding stare.
“Fine,” the other man snapped. He rose to his feet, throwing his napkin to the floor. “You don’t need to think I’ll ever darken your doorstep again.”
He stalked from the room, followed by his wife and children, and several other family members. A few seconds later, the sound of the kitchen door slamming shut could be heard in the dining room.
“Rosa, I’m sorry,” said Benny.
She looked down at him in surprise. “Sorry for what? You did not do one thing wrong.” She shook her head. “I never liked that man, anyway. Raimondo, you should have announced that you were gay years ago.”
“I didn’t know then,” Ray answered.
“We should have thought of it anyway.”
A burst of laughter released some of the tension that had built up in the room.
“So,” Thomas finally ventured quietly, looking around the table, “are dinners here always like this?”
“Nah,” Frannie answered. “Sometimes they get loud and emotional.”
The rest of the dinner passed fairly smoothly, the conversation level reaching its usual raucous Vecchio-dinner level, but no more ugly words were exchanged.
Ray and Benny did feel the curious stares of various family members on them during the meal, but they ignored them as best as they could.
After dinner, everyone pitched in with the cleanup, and things went pretty quickly. As the last of the dishes were being put away, Benny approached Ray. “Ray, could I speak to you, please? Alone?”
“Sure,” Ray said, looking at him quizzically. He looked around the crowded kitchen, then down the hall towards the living room, which was already occupied by people watching another football game. He went and grabbed his and Benny’s coats, and the two men headed out into the backyard.
“What is it, Benny?” Ray asked turning to look at his lover.
Without a word, Benny pushed Ray up against a tree, then leaned into him, taking his mouth in a kiss. Ray was surprised but recovered quickly, wrapping his arms around Ben’s waist and pulling him closer, and opening his mouth to allow Benny’s tongue access.
Finally they parted, and Benny gave Ray a happy, blinding, smile. “Thank you, Ray.”
“Oh Benny, you were right. It had to happen sometime. I’m just sorry I waited so long and put us both through so much pain.”
“Ray, stop it. You are always too hard on yourself. It just so happens that you were right. You had to do it when the time was right, when it felt right to you.”
“Yeah. And no time like a holiday celebration to come out of the closet.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Ben grinned.
Ray leaned forward and rested his head against Ben’s shoulder. “You know Benny, something tells me that when I take you home tonight, it’s going to take me a hell of a lot longer than three hours.”
THE END
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