RATED NC17
Benny sighed as he closed the last file on his desk and placed it in his out box. It was almost 5:00 on Christmas Eve, and he was now free to go home to enjoy the holiday.
Instead of looking forward to this year's holiday, however, Benny was caught up in memories of the previous year's Christmas. It had been the first Christmas that he and Ray had been lovers, and it had been the happiest time of Benny's life.
Besides taking part in all the Vecchio family parties and festivities together, Ray and Benny had started many new traditions of their own. Ray had insisted that Benny decorate his apartment "properly" and they had spent many days shopping for and putting up decorations.
One entire day had been taken up with Benny's Christmas tree. First they had driven out to the countryside to a tree farm and spent over an hour searching for the perfect tree, then they had cut it down and hauled it back to Benny's apartment.
Between the two of them- and despite Diefenbaker's attempts to help- they had managed to wrestle the tree up to the third-floor apartment and get it into the tree stand.
After a break for lunch they had spent another couple of hours decorating the tree, making sure the ornaments and lights and tinsel and garlands were hung just right, and setting the star just so on the top of the tree.
Then he and Ray had made love on the floor next to the tree, with the colors of the twinkling Christmas lights dancing over their bodies.
Ray had also spent Christmas Eve night at his apartment, and on Christmas morning they had opened their presents in front of Benny's Christmas tree before going over to the Vecchios' for Christmas dinner.
This year was very different. He, like the rest of the Vecchio family, was trying his best to put on a brave face and make the most of the holiday season. But for Benny, the heart and joy was missing from Christmas, just as it was from the rest of his life.
He had taken part with the Vecchio family in decorating their home, but it didn't feel the same. Without Ray there laughing and bitching and offering tips and advice and very strong opinions on the best way to decorate everything, it didn't feel normal.
Benny had done all his Christmas shopping by himself, and he had keenly felt the absence of his lover then. He didn't have Ray to advise him on colors and size and price. He didn't have Ray with him to keep him company, his smile and running commentary and his complaining washing over Benny and warming him.
Benny sighed and rubbed his eyes. All the new decorations that he and Ray had picked out together had been lost in the fire on Racine, and Benny hadn't even considered getting new ones. There was no place to put them, anyway.
He hadn't considered getting a new apartment any more than he had considered getting new decorations, and wouldn't until Ray was home again. Wherever he wound up would be someplace new, somewhere Ray had never been. There would be no memories of Ray there to make the place bearable. Anyplace Benny lived now would be just as cold and impersonal as living in the Consulate, so he didn't see any need to make a change.
Benny took a deep breath, steeling himself. He was going to the Vecchios' tonight for dinner, then going with them to Midnight Mass. It was going to be hard for him, and for the rest of the family, but it was something they had to do.
Benny was going to try his hardest to seem okay, to be cheerful and in good holiday spirits. He didn't want to put a damper on the holiday, and most of all, he didn't want to upset Rosa. Benny knew that Rosa worried about him; he felt her watching him every time he was there. She had enough to deal with already, without adding his problems to her burdens.
Benny straightened up suddenly as he heard a knock on his door. "Come in," he called. He rose from his seat as Inspector Thatcher entered his office.
"Constable Fraser, I need to ask you one more thing before you're done for the night."
"Of course, Ma'am. What is it?"
"Ambassador Heatherington is in town, and he finds himself without plans for the evening. I have invited him here for drinks, and then we'll go out to dinner. Could you please take one of the Consulate cars and pick him up and bring him here?"
"Of course, Ma'am," Fraser nodded.
"Thank you," Thatcher said. "He's staying at The Drake Hotel, room 814."
Benny nodded and pulled on his coat and Stetson. Diefenbaker looked up from his spot next to Benny's desk and whined. "I'll be back to pick you up, Dief," he assured the wolf.
Dief yawned and placed his head back on his front paws, and Ben smiled and turned to go. He was stopped at the door by the sound of Inspector Thatcher's voice.
"Fraser?"
He turned around. "Yes Ma'am?"
"Merry Christmas."
Fraser smiled. "Thank you Ma'am. The same to you."
Benny sighed as he rode the elevator up to the eighth floor of the hotel. The Drake was a beautiful, classy hotel, and it was decorated for Christmas. Somehow the beautiful, elegant decorations and the Christmas carols playing, even in the elevator, seemed to further dampen his mood.
The elevator doors opened, and Benny took a deep breath and put on his bland, professional face. He walked down the hall until he found room 814 and knocked on the door. He could feel himself being watched through the peephole, then he heard a deadbolt being turned and the sound of a chain lock sliding back.
The door opened inwards, and he stepped inside the room. "Hello, I'm Constable Benton Fraser. Inspector Thatcher sent me to pick up Ambassador Heathe-" He turned around, and the words dried up in his mouth. His Stetson fell to the floor from suddenly nerveless fingers.
"Merry Christmas, Benny."
Ray was standing there in front of him, alive, healthy, beautiful. He was smiling, and his eyes were filled with tears.
It took Benny a few tries before his voice would work, and even then it came out as a hoarse whisper. "Ray? You're here? Are you real?"
Ray took a step towards him. "Yes, Benny. I'm here, and I'm real." He placed a hand on Benny's face.
At the feel of his lover's warm hand on his face, Benny let out a cry and pulled Ray into his arms, clinging to him as if he would never let him go. He was vaguely aware of Ray murmuring comforting words and sounds, and he felt Ray's hand running gently up and down his back.
Slowly Benny became aware that Ray was shaking as badly as Benny himself was, and he began rubbing Ray's back. After a few minutes, Ray gently pulled away. "Let me look at you, Benny," he whispered.
Benny pulled back to look at Ray, but Ray was blurry and wobbly. Benny blinked the tears from his eyes, and gave Ray a very shaky smile.
Ray was looking at him, his face lit up with a beautiful smile, his eyes alight with joy; and he looked just as did in Benny's memories and imaginings and fantasies.
Ray reached up and brushed the tears from Benny's face, then held Benny's face in his hands.
"Ray, how... what..."
"Talk later, Benny," Ray whispered. He pulled Benny even closer and kissed him.
Benny returned the kiss, and when he felt Ray's tongue enter his mouth, he let out a helpless moan. The two men stumbled over to the bed and Benny yanked back the spread and sheets and they collapsed onto the bed.
He was fumbling with Ray's tie, and Ray's hands were tearing at the buttons on Benny's tunic. Benny finally got Ray's tie undone and tossed it to the floor, then he unfastened his lanyard and helped Ray in removing his tunic. Benny thought he heard fabric tearing, but he didn't give a damn.
He pulled Ray's jacket off him, then quickly unbuttoned and pulled off Ray's shirt and tossed that aside as well. Ray ripped the suspenders from Benny's shoulders, then pulled off his t-shirt and threw it across the room.
Ray and Benny undid their own pants and Ray kicked off his shoes and socks, then they worked together on Benny's boots, laughing slightly as they did so. "Some things never change," Ray said.
Finally they were both naked, and Benny lay back on the bed, pulling Ray down on top of him. Ray's cock brushed against his, and Benny let out a loud cry. He was already on the edge and knew he wasn't going to last long at all, but it appeared that Ray was in no better shape than he was.
The two men thrust against each other urgently, and after less then a minute, Benny heard Ray give a loud moan, and he felt his lover's hot seed hit his body. Benny gave a harsh cry and then came, emptying himself against Ray with one last thrust.
Ray collapsed on top of him, and the two men lay panting for a few minutes. After a while, Ray pulled back slightly and smiled down at Benny. He pushed the sweaty hair off Benny's forehead and gave him a kiss. "I've missed you."
"I miss you, too. I love you."
Ray's face lit up. "I love you, Benny." He gave him another kiss, then stood up. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."
Benny nodded and followed him into the bathroom. Ray started the shower and the two men stood under the spray of water, spending more time kissing and caressing then they did washing.
Finally they turned off the water and got out of the tub and toweled off. Benny hung up his towel and walked back into the bedroom and picked up his pants.
"You don't need to wear those," came Ray's voice from behind him.
Benny turned in surprise. "You want me to walk around naked?"
"Always," Ray grinned. He walked over to the closet and pulled out a robe. "But what I meant was you can wear this instead."
"Ah." Benny admired the robe, made of rich white terrycloth, with the hotel's logo embroidered on the breast. "Very nice."
Ray was wearing one of the robes himself. "Yeah, The Drake's a classy place." Ray held the robe open and Benny slipped into it and belted it. He smiled as he felt Ray's arms wrap around him, and he leaned back against his lover.
"I can't believe I'm in your arms again."
Ray rested his chin on Benny's shoulder. "Mmmm, me either."
Benny turned so that he and Ray were standing face to face and gave him a kiss. "How are you here, Ray? Your assignment isn't over, is it?"
"No Benny," Ray said sadly, "it's not over."
"It can't be safe for you to be here."
"It's as safe as I could make it," Ray said. "I told everyone back in... where I am now, that I needed to get away for a little Christmas romance." He grinned.
"If they all want to think I met a hot woman on one of my business trips, who am I to tell them otherwise?"
"Do they know where you are?"
"No. I told them I needed to get away and be totally out of contact for a couple days, and they agreed. It's kind of a reward for me. I've done good work for them." Ray laughed bitterly.
"Ray?"
Ray gave him a quick kiss. "Nothing, Benny."
Benny looked at him in concern for a minute, then gave him another kiss. He pulled away as something occurred to him. "Inspector Thatcher?"
Ray blinked at him, then he smiled as he realized what Benny meant. "Yeah, she helped set a couple things up for me. I needed some help on this end, and I knew I could trust her. Don't worry, I made sure it was safe for both of us."
"I know," Benny nodded.
"I thought about calling you ahead of time, having you set things up, but I was afraid once I heard your voice, I might lose it; and forget everything I needed to say." He paused and cleared his throat, and Benny rubbed his hand up and down Ray's arm. "Besides, I wanted to surprise you," Ray added lightly.
"It worked."
Ray laughed. "Good." He gave Benny another kiss, then pulled away and smiled at him. "How about some dinner?"
"We can't go out, can we?" Benny asked in surprise.
"No, it wouldn't be safe for me to go out wandering around Chicago. We're going to have to stay in the room the whole time, I'm afraid."
Benny smiled. "I can think of worse ways to spend my time than locked in a hotel room with you."
Ray smiled. "But we're in luck. The Drake has some of the best food in the city, and they have room service."
They read over the menu and made their dinner choices, then Benny sat on the sofa and listened as Ray called in the order.
Ray hung up the phone and sat next to Benny. Suddenly, something that had been nagging at Benny moved to the front of his mind, and he gasped. "Dinner! Ray, I'm supposed to have dinner with your family tonight! They're going to wonder."
"What, you think you're dealing with an amateur here? Thatcher's telling them that a diplomatic situation blew up in Canada, and you had to go and smooth things over."
"A diplomatic emergency? On Christmas Eve? Your family will believe that?" Benny asked skeptically.
"I don't know if you've noticed, Benny, but Thatcher can be very convincing."
Benny nodded. "That she can. What about Dief? I left him at the Consulate."
"Benny, Benny, Benny," Ray said, and Benny grinned. "Have at least a little faith, would you? Thatcher's taking him to the house when she tells them that you can't make it for the holiday."
Benny's eyes widened. "She's giving them that news in person? Well, I always knew she was a brave woman."
Ray laughed. "Are you kidding? Ma will be upset for about two minutes, then she'll take a good look at Thatcher and decide she's way too skinny, and that as a single working woman living on her own she can't possibly be eating right, and she'll stuff her full of Christmas cookies and dinner."
Benny laughed. "She probably will."
Ray's smile faded. "How is she, Benny?" He asked quietly.
Benny took Ray's hand into his, intertwining their fingers and squeezing firmly. "Your mother's doing well, Ray. Honestly. She misses you, of course; all your family misses you terribly. And of course they worry about you. I think your Mother says a Rosary for you every day.
"But whenever she talks about you she says 'My Raimondo is doing very good work, very important work; and he will be blessed and protected because of that. He will come home to us safely.' And she's not just saying that to try to convince herself or us, she honestly believes it, Ray. And so do I. I have to."
Ray nodded.
"Everyone's healthy, Ray, and the kids are doing great in school, and your family is helping each other through this. When they're not arguing at the top of their lungs, of course."
Ray laughed and nodded, and some of the light was back in his eyes.
"And I'm taking care of them, Ray. I'm looking out for them the very best that I can," Benny said quietly.
"I know you are, Benny. You have no idea how much that helps me, how much better that makes me feel. It helps me do my job, too; knowing I don't have to worry about Ma and Frannie and Maria and the kids. I know you're taking care of them, so I don't have to worry about them, and I can just concentrate on what I need to do."
Benny nodded, looking down at his lap and trying to swallow the lump in his throat.
Ray blew out a deep breath. "Okay, enough heavy talk for now. You need to be kissing me again."
Benny looked up at him with a smile. "I agree." He wrapped his arms around Ray's waist and pulled him close, kissing him. Ray slipped his hand under Benny's robe, running his hand over Benny's chest.
Benny slowly and gently pushed Ray backwards until Ray was lying on the couch and Benny was draped over him. Things were just starting to get intense when a knock sounded on the door and the two men jumped apart.
"Room service," came a muffled voice, and Ray visibly relaxed.
"Dinner's here," he announced to Benny.
"Dinner," Benny muttered in a breathless voice.
Ray walked over to the door and checked the peephole, then undid the locks and opened the door.
The attendant wheeled the cart in and set up the table. "Will there be anything else, sir?"
"No, I think we're set, thank you," Ray told him.
"All right. If you wish, you can leave the cart in the hallway when you're done."
"Thank you." Ray signed the check and handed it back to the other man.
"Thank you sir!" The man exclaimed as he looked at the check.
Ray walked him back to the door and locked it behind him.
Benny stood smiling at Ray, one eyebrow raised.
"The poor guy has to work on Christmas Eve," Ray shrugged. "He deserves a good tip."
"That he does," Benny agreed, taking a seat at the table. He opened the bottle of non-alcoholic champagne and poured a glass for Ray and himself.
Ray sat down and took his glass and held it up in a toast. "To us."
"To us," Benny echoed, and they clinked glasses and drank.
Both men had ordered filet mignon, and the food was delicious. They enjoyed their meal while chatting, Benny catching Ray up on the family and mutual friends.
"I wish I could visit the family, I really do," Ray said. "But it's just not a good idea for a lot of reasons. Too many people involved in the secret, too much danger.
"Besides, I want to spend my time with you. As much as I love my family and miss them, you're my lover, and I have so little time here that I want to spend every second of it alone with you. Does that sound selfish?"
"You're asking the wrong man," Benny said. He took a long drink of his champagne. "How long are you here for, Ray?"
"My flight leaves at 11:00 tomorrow night," Ray said quietly.
Benny nodded, then looked up at Ray with a smile. "A little over 24 hours together, then. That's not bad."
"Not bad at all."
They finished the rest of the meal in silence, Benny watching Ray most of the time. Now that the initial excitement and emotion of seeing Ray was over, he was noticing a tenseness in Ray that had never been there before.
Ray seemed wary and on edge and watchful, even alone with Benny in the hotel room. Benny sighed. He had some idea of what was causing Ray to be this way, and it worried him. "Ray."
"Yeah, Benny?"
Ray looked at him with one of his gorgeous smiles, and Benny hesitated. He knew that Ray wouldn't be able to give him any details, and would probably deny anything was wrong at all. And if Benny pressed him, Ray would only get more upset and tense.
They had so little time together, Benny didn't want to mar even one moment of it. But it hurt him that he couldn't help Ray like Ray had always helped him. Benny stood up and walked over to Ray's chair, embracing him from behind and planting a kiss on the top of his head. "Come make love to me again."
Ray smiled and stood up and turned into Benny's embrace. He started towards the bed, pulling Benny behind him; then stopped suddenly and turned back to the table. He picked up his plate and silverware and put them on the serving cart. "We don't want to be interrupted."
Wordlessly, Benny helped him clear the table, and they pushed the cart out into the hallway, then returned to the room, hanging out the "Do Not Disturb" sign and locking the door behind them.
Benny led Ray back across the room and stopped next to the bed. He undid his robe and let it fall to the floor, then smiled at Ray and undid the belt on his robe as well.
Ray shrugged out of his robe, then sat down on the bed and pulled Benny down beside him. He then pushed Benny gently onto his back and lay down next to him. He lay there, just stroking Benny's face for a minute, then leaned down for a kiss.
After thoroughly exploring Benny's mouth, he covered Benny's face a series of feather-light kisses, then placed a kiss at the base of Benny's throat. With a smile, he kissed his way down Benny's body, lingering over his nipples to tease them with his lips and teeth and tongue.
Benny moaned and Ray moved on, kissing his way down and over Benny's stomach. Finally he reached his intended goal, and took Benny's cock into his mouth. Benny cried out loudly, and his hips bucked, and Ray took hold of Benny's hips, pressing them gently into the mattress. He began sucking gently, and Benny's soft moans and cries became almost constant.
With a last cry, Benny came, and Ray swallowed reflexively, then lay with his head resting on Benny's stomach for a few minutes before crawling up to lie next to him. Benny smiled and gave him a kiss and gently stroked his back. "Thank you."
Ray laughed. "That's my Benny, always polite."
Benny grinned at him. "In that spirit of politeness, may I return the favor?"
"Well, since you asked so nicely..."
Ray lay staring at the ceiling, his thoughts and emotions a jumble. Benny lay sleeping in his arms, but Ray found himself unable to sleep at all. It felt so damn good to hold Benny in his arms again, be able to visit this part of his life.
His world was full of darkness and danger and ugliness now, and being here with Benny allowed him to relax and feel happiness and safety and comfort for a little while. Most importantly, it allowed him to be Ray Vecchio again. He missed Ray very much.
But after having this taste of his old life, it was going to be that much harder going back to the life he was living now. He would just have to take strength and heart from this visit, and use these memories to get through the rest of the assignment. And once the assignment was over, he was coming home; and he was never going to leave his family, especially Benny, again.
Suddenly Benny jerked in his arms and gave a loud cry and sat up, breathing heavily. "Benny?" Ray fumbled around until he found the lamp and switched it on.
"Ray?" Benny was looking at him through wide, scared eyes.
"It's okay, Benny. I'm here. I'm here, and I'm all right."
Benny pulled Ray into his arms and held him tightly.
"Sssh, it's okay, baby," Ray said, rocking him gently. He lay them both back down and he continued holding Benny.
Benny kissed Ray's shoulder. Glancing over at the clock, he smiled. "It's 2:30, Ray. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Benny."
Benny looked up at Ray and frowned. "Ray have you gotten any sleep at all?"
"It's okay, Benny."
"Ray."
"I don't want to sleep. I'd rather stay awake and watch you."
Benny sighed and shifted in the bed, pulling Ray into his arms to lay against his chest. "It's all right, Ray. Go to sleep." He began rubbing Ray's back. "I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."
Ray tightened his arms around Benny, then snuggled even closer; and within a matter of minutes he was sound asleep.
Ray woke up slowly and stretched, then sat up with a gasp as he noticed that the space next to him in the bed was empty. He looked around the room, panicked, then relaxed as he saw Benny sitting on the couch, reading the morning paper.
Benny looked up at him with a smile. "Good morning, love."
"What time is it?" Ray asked, rubbing his eyes.
"A little after nine."
"What?! You were going to let me sleep the day away?"
"No," Benny replied calmly. "I was letting you get the sleep you need. I was going to wake you in about ten minutes, when breakfast arrives."
"Oh. You ordered breakfast?" Ray smiled.
Benny nodded.
"Good job." Ray got out of bed and slipped into his robe, then sat next to Benny on the couch. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." Benny started to say something else, but was interrupted by a knock on the door as their breakfast arrived.
Rather than eating at the table, the men carried their plates and mugs over to the sofa, using the coffee table as a dining table.
They sat next to each other on the sofa and ate a leisurely meal, then loaded up the serving cart and pushed it in the hallway. "I told housekeeping we didn't need the room made up, and just had them leave some fresh towels," Benny told Ray.
"Good," Ray said wrapping his arms around Benny and kissing him. "I don't want to be interrupted at all today."
Benny smiled and they sat down on the sofa again, but almost immediately, Ray jumped back up. "What Ray?" Benny asked.
Ray didn't answer, he just rummaged through his suitcase for a minute, then hurried back over to the couch, carrying a small, brightly wrapped box. "I got you a Christmas present," he said; handing the box to Benny.
"Ray, you didn't have to get me something," Benny protested.
"Just open it," Ray smiled.
Benny tore the off the wrappings, then lifted the lid from the small box and saw a religious medal.
"It's St. Michael," Ray explained. "He's the patron saint of police officers."
"Oh," Benny smiled.
Ray took the medal from the box and undid the clasp, then fastened the chain around Benny's neck. "I figured since I can't be here to keep an eye on you and watch your back, maybe St. Michael could do it for me.
"I wanted to have it blessed by a Priest, but I figured a mobster asking to have a medal of the patron saint of police officers blessed might look just a little bit suspicious."
"It might at that," Benny smiled. "But the medal has your blessing, Ray, and that's enough for me."
Ray smiled at him, then sat back to admire the medal. "It looks great, Benny."
"Thank you," Benny smiled. "I'm afraid I don't have a gift for you, Ray."
"Are you kidding me? Being here with you is more gift than I could ever want."
Benny smiled at him again, then leaned forward and kissed him. "Actually, I do have a present for you. I have a Christmas present, a birthday present, a present for our anniversary, and a couple gifts I got for you just because I saw them and thought you would like them. But they're all at the Consulate, I'm afraid.
"We'll just have to have a big gift opening when you get home for good."
"Sounds great," Ray smiled; but then his smile turned into a frown. "Why are the gifts at the Consulate, Benny?" He asked curiously.
Benny's eyes dropped from Ray's and he started fussing with the box in his lap, putting the lid back on it and crumpling up the wrapping paper. "No reason," he said.
Ray reached over and took Benny's chin gently into his hand and turned Benny's head so he was facing Ray again. "Benny, you've never been good at lying, and you haven't gotten any better while I've been away."
Benny sighed. "There was fire on Racine, and I lost my apartment."
Ray's eyes grew huge in his face. "Your apartment burned down?"
"Yes, the entire building was lost."
"Oh, Benny..."
"Thankfully nobody was killed or seriously injured, and everyone has found a new home."
"Still..." Ray took Benny's hand in his, running his thumb lightly over the back of Benny's hand.
Benny nodded. "I didn't have all that many possessions, as you know; so I didn't really lose all that much. But Dad's journals, and all my photographs, they're gone. The pictures of you and I, and the pictures of Dad and Mom... it hurt losing those."
"Oh, Benny," Ray whispered, pulling him into his arms and holding him against his chest, Benny's head cradled on Ray's shoulder.
"So I'm living at the Consulate for now," Benny said.
"The Consulate? Why?"
"Well, the rent is excellent, and it's very close to work," Benny said, smiling.
Ray was silent for a few moments. "When did your apartment burn?"
Benny didn't answer for a while, then he quietly said "Right after I got home from my vacation. It happened that day, as a matter of fact."
Ray's voice was just a hoarse whisper. "You mean you came back from Canada to find that your apartment had burned down, and then you found out that I..." he trailed off.
Benny nodded. "Yes."
Ray's arms tightened further around Benny, and he buried his face in Benny's hair. "Jesus," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Benny."
"You had no way of knowing, Ray."
"I know, but..." He pushed Benny up suddenly so he was looking into his face. "I wanted to tell you I was going, Benny. I was planning to tell you. I had thought I had two or three weeks left; and I was going to tell you when you got home from your vacation.
"But then things started moving really fast, and they told me I had to leave right away. I needed to talk to you one more time before I left; but I couldn't tell you then. The phone line wasn't secure."
Benny nodded. "I know, Ray. Lt. Welsh told me about the change in your assignment. I understand."
"But it had to have hurt you when you came home and found that I'd left without saying goodbye."
"I understood, Ray. I never blamed you."
"But it hurt you."
Ben nodded reluctantly. "Yes, it hurt. But it's not your fault. Please don't feel guilty over this. I know you would never purposely hurt me."
Ray pulled Benny into his arms again. "Never," he whispered.
They sat quietly for a few minutes, letting the emotions in the room die down, then something occurred to Ray. "Benny, it's been months since the fire. How come you're still living at the Consulate?"
Benny shrugged. "I didn't want to chose a new apartment without you. Since you're going to be spending a great deal of time in the new apartment, I think you should have a voice in selecting it."
Ray smiled. "How about if I spend all my time in the new apartment?"
Benny sat up and stared at Ray, hoping he was understanding correctly what Ray was trying to say. "What do you mean, Ray?"
Ray took Benny's hands into his. "I mean that I want to move into that new apartment with you. I want us to live together. One thing this assignment has shown me is what my life is like without you in it, and that life sucks."
"I know what you mean."
Ray smiled. "I want you in my life permanently, Benny. For real. I don't want to waste even one second of our time together. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. Really together."
"Oh, yes, Ray," Benny breathed, and then he pulled Ray into a lingering kiss. When they finally pulled apart, Benny asked hesitantly. "Do you know how much longer your assignment is going to last, Ray?"
"Not for sure, Benny. But I should be home by the summer."
"Summer," Benny whispered, closing his eyes.
"Yeah," Ray said. "Just a few more months, and we'll be together again. And I swear Benny, I'll never leave you again."
Benny gave him a kiss. "Ray," he started.
"Yes, Benny?"
Ray gave him a happy, beautiful smile, and Benny hesitated. He had been about to tell Ray the news about the fire at the Vecchio family home, but he now had second thoughts.
All the news would do was upset Ray, and worry him further. He didn't need that hurt and that distraction in his life right now. Benny would just have to tell Ray when he returned from his assignment and hope he would understand why Benny had kept the truth from him. "I love you," Benny said softly.
"I love you, too." Ray pulled Benny back into his arms. Benny snuggled happily against him, and Ray smiled. "I've really missed days like this, Benny. Days when we would just laze around doing nothing, staying in bed and watching TV."
Benny pulled away with a smile, then stood up and pulled Ray to his feet, leading him over to the bed. Once there, he slipped off his robe and climbed under the covers, and Ray did the same.
Benny reached over to the night stand and picked up the remote control and handed it to Ray. "Remote."
"Thank you."
Benny flipped open the TV Guide and browsed through the listings. "'It's a Wonderful Life' is on," he said.
Ray made a face and shook his head. "Nah. Too sappy."
Benny nodded. He glanced at the clock, then grinned and looked at Ray. "'A Christmas Story' starts in ten minutes."
Ray's eyes lit up. "Really? That's one of my favorites!"
"I know," Benny nodded and smiled. "And I must admit that I enjoyed it as well. It gave me a glimpse into another kind of Christmas than what I had."
Ray laughed. "I bet it did, Benny." He turned on the TV, then pulled Benny back to lie against his chest.
About an hour into the movie, Benny started getting restless. It wasn't that he didn't like the movie, but there were other ways that he would much rather spend his time.
He began stroking Ray's hip, and smiled as he saw Ray trying his best to keep watching the movie. Benny rolled over and started kissing and nibbling his way over Ray's chest.
"Benny," Ray gasped.
Benny took the remote and turned the TV off, then tossed the remote aside. "He gets the B.B. gun, Ray."
Ray laughed and pulled Benny into a kiss. After a minute he pulled away and opened the drawer of the nightstand. Reaching inside he pulled out a package of condoms and a tube of lubrication and held them up for Benny to see. "Look what else Santa brought us!"
Benny smiled. "God bless us every one," he said, falling back onto Ray's chest for another kiss.
The rest of the day passed far too quickly, with Benny and Ray watching movies in between bouts of love making, and a dinner of turkey with all the trimmings from one of the hotel's restaurants.
They were lying in bed together, just holding each other, when the phone rang. Both men started at the loud sound, and Ray answered. He listened for a minute, then sighed. "All right, thank you." He hung up the phone and looked at Benny. "That was the front desk. My car will be here in an hour."
Benny clenched his eyes shut, feeling his heart start to break. "All right," he managed to say calmly, "we'd better get ready then."
They went into the bathroom and took a quick shower together, then Benny put on his uniform again, making sure his St. Michael's medal was tucked under his t-shirt. For once Benny didn't care that his uniform wasn't in pristine condition. Ray dressed in a suit and tie, and the two men silently packed Ray's suitcase.
When they were done, Benny said, "I should probably leave now. I don't think it would do for us to be seen leaving together."
"No, it wouldn't," Ray said in that same carefully controlled calmness that Benny was displaying.
Benny moved to Ray and took him into his arms, and the two men held each other tightly. Benny squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into Ray's shoulder, overcome with a sudden urge to tell Ray to leave his assignment, and he would leave the RCMP, and they could run somewhere far away together where no one could find them.
He felt Ray's hand on the back of his head, his fingers running through his hair, and tightened his arms around him. No matter how difficult this was for him, it had to be ten times harder for Ray.
Benny at least had the Vecchio family to help him and comfort him, and bring memories and reminders of Ray. Ray had no one to help him, no one to turn to, and he was the one in the very dangerous situation.
Finally Benny pulled away and stared at Ray, memorizing him until he would see him again. "I love you, Ray Vecchio."
"I love you, Benny." Ray gave him a kiss, light and gently yet deeply passionate, and Benny was suddenly fighting against tears. He forced the tears back, though. He didn't want to leave Ray that way.
"Come home to me, Ray," he whispered. "Please come home safely."
"I will, Benny, I promise." Ray smiled at him. "And you'd better be here waiting for me. You keep yourself safe, do you hear me?"
Benny nodded. "I will. And I have someone watching over me now." He patted his chest where the St. Michael medal lay and smiled. "And I have a very good reason to stay safe and healthy." He gave Ray another kiss, then pulled away.
If he didn't leave now, he doubted he would be able to. "Thank you so much for coming to see me, Ray; for taking that risk. You've made this one of the best Christmases I've ever had."
"I did it for me too, Benny. I couldn't spend one more day away from you without going insane."
Benny nodded briskly, then put on his Stetson and adjusted it.
"Damn but you still look amazing in that uniform, Benny."
"Thank you kindly."
Ray laughed, though he was obviously struggling with tears of his own. "I'll see you soon, Benny. Just a few months now, and I'll be home."
Benny nodded and walked to the door. When he got to the door he turned and stared at Ray for a minute, then nodded again. Turning around, he opened the door and slipped through it, and the door closed quietly behind him.
Ray stared at the door for several long minutes. "Until summer, Benny," he whispered.
THE END
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