Rated NC17 for m/m sex.
I don't own these fine young men, Alliance does. Maybe Santa will set them free for Christmas.
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Benton Fraser closed the door of the consulate behind him and walked down the steps. He stopped at the bottom and pulled his coat around himself a little tighter.
He sighed as the cold breeze picked up. He didn't know why the cold was bothering him so much lately. Certainly the cold here in Chicago was nothing like the cold back home in the Territories. Then again, nothing in Chicago was like the Territories.
It had snowed last night, and Fraser had sat at his window for over an hour, watching the flakes fall softly from the sky, and it had been very beautiful. But this morning as he had been walking to work he had noticed that the piles of snow had already turned grey and brown from the people and pollution of the city.
That was very unlike his home, where the pure whiteness of the snow went on for miles, untouched by even a footprint, to say nothing of pollution. Ben sighed again, then shook himself. This homesickness and self pity were simply childish and doing no good whatsoever.
Suddenly Fraser smiled and felt his mood lighten as an emerald green Riviera came into view down the street. When the Riv got to the consulate and pulled over, Ben gratefully opened the door and got inside.
"Afternoon, Benny." Ray said with a cheerful smile. "Sorry I'm late."
"You're not late, Ray." Ben said, an amused smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"I'm a few minutes late. It's all this damn traffic. Two days before Christmas, and I swear the entire population of Chicago is out shopping. How long were you waiting out there in the cold?"
"Just a couple minutes, Ray. And it's not all that cold."
"That's right, I forgot." Ray said teasingly. "Chicago weather doesn't even faze you, right Fraser? It's not like the good old Territories, is it?"
"No, Ray. It's not like the Territories." Ben said quietly, some of his earlier mood returning.
Ray noticed the change in his friend's demeanor, and he glanced over at him. "You okay, Benny?"
"Yes, Ray. I'm fine."
"Uh-huh."
When they got to Benny's apartment, Ray followed him inside and upstairs. "Okay Benny," Ray said, sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. "Spill."
"Spill what, Ray?"
Ray heaved a heavy sigh. "Just tell me what's bothering you, Benny."
"Ray, it's..."
"No. I can tell you're down about something, and I'm going to stay right here in this chair until you tell me what it is." Ray put his feet up on the chair opposite him and leaned back, staring at Benny.
"It's nothing, Ray."
"Good. Then it won't take you long to tell me."
Ben sighed, then crossed over to the table and gently tugged at the chair Ray's feet were resting on. Ray obligingly removed his feet and sat up straighter in his chair.
Ben sat down across from Ray and folded his hands on the table, but just sat there quietly. Ray also sat quietly, staring patiently at Ben.
Finally, Ben sighed and looked away. "This is going to sound so stupid." He said.
"I don't think so." Said Ray. "And even if it does, I won't care."
Ben looked up in surprise to find Ray smiling at him warmly. Fraser took a deep breath, then let it out in a slow sigh. "It's just... Christmas."
"Christmas is bothering you?"
A small grin tugged at the corners of Ben's mouth. "No, not Christmas itself. I like Christmas. It's just all the stuff that that goes with it- the celebrations, the parties- everything seems to be geared towards families. And if you don't have a family..." Ben trailed off with a sigh and looked out the window at the grey afternoon.
"I guess I'm just a little bit homesick, Ray. I miss what Christmas was like in the Territories. It was always so beautiful. Miles and miles of pure, deep, untouched white snow, and the family cabin in the middle of all that snow, safe and warm and cozy. I know my family wasn't what most people consider traditional, Ray, but we were a family. And I know that my Christmases weren't like the ones you had growing up, but they were good. I miss that. I miss my family."
Ray nodded silently. He was afraid that if he said anything, Benny would clam up again.
"There are times when I'm reminded that I don't have any family, Ray, and it's hard. For instance... you remember after the plane crash? We had finally made it back to civilization, and they were checking us out at that tiny medical clinic?"
Ray nodded.
"I remember the nurse came and told you that you could go call your family, and you went out to the front desk to make the call. A couple minutes later the doctor had finished checking me over, and the nurse told me that I could go call my family, too. And I had to tell her that there was no one for me to call. That I had no one. I still remember the look of pity on her face." Ben stopped and cleared his throat.
"And I know this will sound selfish and even a little twisted, but it hurt; knowing there was no one out there waiting by the phone for me to call, worrying about me, praying that I would be all right. I guess it's never easy to be reminded that you're all alone in the world."
Ray's throat felt almost unbearably tight. "Oh, Benny." He managed to say. "You're not alone. You have my family. They were worried about you. They were praying for you, too. They all adopted you practically from the first time I brought you home to dinner."
"I know, Ray. And I appreciate your family, and they mean a great deal to me. I don't mean to sound ungrateful."
"You don't, Benny."
Ben smiled at him. "But it's not the same, Ray. Not really."
"I know." Ray said. "God, Benny, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better."
"You don't have to make me feel better, Ray."
"I know that, Benny. I just want to help you."
"You do."
"Sure, Benny." Ray was somber for a minute, then gave Ben a big smile. "And don't forget to add me to your list of family. You'll always have me, Benny."
An odd look crossed Ben's face, and he quickly glanced down at the table. When he looked up again, he seemed even more depressed than before. "I know, Ray."
Ray frowned. "Benny?"
Ray's cell phone chose that moment to ring, and with a curse, he pulled it out of his pocket and turned it on. "Vecchio." He snapped.
"Oh, hi Ma." He continued in a much milder voice, and Ben smiled.
"I'm at Benny's." He listened for a minute, then gasped. "Oh, crap, Ma; I totally forgot. I'm sorry! No, I'll be there as soon as I can. Yeah, all right. Of course I'll drive safely. Okay, I'll see you soon."
He closed the phone and looked back at Ben. "God, Benny, I'm sorry, but I've got to go now. I promised Ma I'd take her to the grocery store tonight to get the stuff for Christmas dinner."
"That's perfectly all right, Ray."
"I hate running out on you like this, Benny."
Ben grinned at him. "Ray, you are not running out on me. Unless you know something I don't. You will be back, won't you?"
"Bet your ass I'll be back. First thing tomorrow, to give you a ride to work."
"All right, then."
Ray hesitated, still looking unsure.
"Ray, go home. It's okay."
"You feeling better now, Benny?"
"A little."
"You lying?"
"A little." Ben smiled at him.
Ray reluctantly put on his jacket. "Look, Benny..."
"Go, Ray. I'll see you tomorrow."
"All right." Ray nodded and slowly left the apartment.
It was with a sense of relief mixed with guilt that Ben closed the door behind his friend. That had been entirely too close. If the conversation had continued much longer, it could easily have drifted into dangerous waters.
Ray was another reason Ben had been feeling depressed lately, but it was not Ray's fault at all. After all, Ray couldn't help it that his best friend had fallen in love with him.
Ben sighed. He knew that he would have to tell Ray eventually; and probably sooner rather than later, or who knew how his feelings might make themselves known. When Ray had said that he wished there was something he could do to make Ben feel better, for one hysterical second Ben had considered making a suggestion.
He almost wished that he could chalk his feelings for Ray up to holiday blues and loneliness, but he knew that was not the case. He had been in love with Ray for months now. Probably longer than that, actually; but he had given up denying the truth a while ago.
He was afraid of what would happen when he told Ray, though. Afraid that Ray would be angry, or revolted, or just afraid. He didn't want to lose Ray, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this. Lately, the times he felt most lonely were the times when he was with Ray.
Ben rubbed his hand across his face as he remembered Ray saying that he would always be in Benny's life. God, he hoped that was true. Ben shook his head and looked over at Dief, who had been lying quietly in the corner all night. Giving the wolf a smile, Ben went and picked up the leash. "Come, Diefenbaker, shall we go for a walk?"
"You doing okay over there, Benny?" Ray asked with a huge grin.
"Yes, Ray, I'm fine. And I have to say that your concern is rather touching. Especially considering the circumstances."
"That's me, Benny. Mr. Compassion."
It was Christmas afternoon, and Ray and Benny were in the Riv. Ben had gone over to the Vecchios that morning to spend some time with the family and for the traditional Vecchio Christmas brunch. About an hour after the meal, Ray had approached Benny and told him he had another present for him.
"Ray, really. You've given me enough already." Ben had said.
"No, Benny, this one's going to be great!" Ray had said, an excited gleam in his eye. "Come on, get your coat on, we're going for a drive."
"A drive where?"
"To your present!"
Getting a sleepy and reluctant Dief from the kitchen, the two men had headed outside to the car. Ray stopped Ben before he could enter the vehicle. "Just one thing, Benny. You need to wear this."
Ben had looked at Ray in complete surprise. Ray was holding a blindfold.
"Why do I need to wear that?"
"So you don't spoil the surprise."
"What surprise?"
Ray just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Get over here." Quickly tying the blindfold over Fraser's eyes, he had helped him into the car, loaded up Dief and driven off.
They had been driving for about 1 1/2 hours as far as Ben could tell, and he was becoming more and more curious as time went by. Ben frowned as a thought occurred to him. "Ray, you don't have Dief blindfolded as well, do you?"
"Of course not, Benny. That would be stupid."
"Well, that's good. I'd hate for him to be without two major senses."
"Whatever, Benny." Ray decided that Christmas was not the time for him to share with Benny his theory about Diefenbaker's "deafness."
Just a couple more minutes passed before Ray slowed the car and made a turn, and Ben felt the surface under the wheels change from smooth pavement to a bumpy, unpaved road.
After another minute or so, Ray pulled the car over to the side of the road and cut the engine. "Stay there a second." He said.
Ray jumped out and ran around to the passenger door. As soon as the door was open, Diefenbaker jumped into the front seat and ran over Ben and out the door. Ben could hear Dief's happy barking fading rapidly in the distance. "Ray, where is my wolf going?"
"Don't worry, he'll be fine." Ray said casually. "Come on." Taking Benny's arm, he guided him out of the car. "Keep the blindfold on."
"For how much longer?"
"Just a little while. Come on." Adjusting his grip on Ben's arm, Ray led him up a steep hill. They stopped at the top, and Ray started untying Ben's blindfold.
"Keep your eyes closed for a minute, Benny." Ray said, and Ben sighed.
"Oh, don't be such a baby." Ray said.
"I am not a... okay, fine. My eyes are closed."
"Thank you kindly." Ray finished removing the blindfold and shoved it into his jacket pocket. "Okay, Benny, you can open your eyes now. Slowly."
Ben cautiously opened his eyes,and then blinked several times in the sudden brightness. The sun was glinting off the snow. The snow... As Ben's eyes adjusted, he looked around him in surprise and delight.
They were standing at the top of a hill, looking out over a field dotted with trees and buried in snow. Pure white snow sparkling under the afternoon sun, unmarred by anything save a few wolf prints. Ben looked around, drinking in the view.
Ray watched Fraser closely, and when he saw the happy smile light up his face, he smiled himself. Finally, Ben turned to face his friend. "Ray, where are we?" Ben asked in wonder.
"We're actually not that far outside of Chicago, Benny. I know it's not like being home for you, but it's as close as I could get."
"No, Ray. This is perfect." Ben felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Darn that bright sun!
"Here." Ray handed Ben a pair of snowshoes, then dropped a second pair on the ground in front of himself. After they had strapped the shoes on, Ray turned to Ben with a slightly nervous grin. "You're going to have to help me out here, Benny. I haven't done this in a long time."
Ben smiled. "Don't worry, Ray. I won't let anything happen to you."
As the sun started to fade from the sky, they reluctantly headed back to the car. When they got to the Riv, Fraser stopped and looked at Ray. "We can't leave yet."
"What? Why not?"
"Dief's not back."
Ray groaned. "I knew I should have put a leash on that mutt."
"Ray, he'll be back soon, don't worry. I'm betting that we'll see him as soon as it's fully dark."
"An arctic wolf afraid of the dark? That's a new one on me, Benny."
"What can I say, Ray?" Ben shrugged. "It's the city. It's making him
soft."
"Well, I guess it's a good thing I brought him out here then, isn't it? Maybe It'll toughen him back up." Ray grinned.
"It's good you brought us both out here, Ray. This is the best Christmas present. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Benny. I told you, I just want you to be happy."
Ray was surprised when Ben abruptly turned his back. "Benny? What's
wrong?"
"It's nothing, Ray."
"Oh come on, don't start that with me again, Fraser. What's wrong?" Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder, and Ben started, then went absolutely still.
"You're my best friend, Ray."
"I know. You're my best friend too, Benny. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"
Slowly, Ben turned to face him. "I wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt our friendship; or hurt you, Ray."
"I know, Benny."
Ben took a deep breath. Oh, God. He was actually going to tell Ray. He was going to tell him. One way or the other, this was going to be a Christmas he never forgot. "It's just... I... I love you, Ray."
Ray looked totally surprised for a moment, then a look of disbelief crossed his face. Finally, though, he smiled at Fraser. "Oh, Benny. I love you too."
"No, Ray. I don't mean it like that. I don't mean that I love you as my best friend, or even as a brother. I love you like..." His voice trailed off and he looked at Ray helplessly.
Ray's smile deepened, and he took the one step needed to close the distance between himself and Fraser. "You love me like what, Benny? You love me like this?" Ray leaned forward and kissed Benny.
For a moment, Ben could feel nothing but complete surprise, but then a wave of other emotions washed over him- relief, passion, joy. Ben closed his eyes to better feel the sensations. To better feel Ray.
Ray's lips were warm. It was freezing out here, how could Ray's lips be so warm? Was this really happening? Finally, reluctantly, Ben broke the kiss. He needed to see Ray. To make sure this was real.
It couldn't really be real, could it? Things like this did not happen to Benton Fraser. His life never worked out this well. But when he pulled away, Ray was still standing there, right in front of him, and he was smiling. "I love you, Benny."
Ben smiled. "Oh, thank God." He drew Ray into an embrace and held him
tightly.
"Benny?"
Ben pulled away just enough to look into his face again. He reached down and took Ray's hands, but was hindered by the fact that Ray was wearing thick thermal gloves.
Ben pulled the gloves off and let them fall to the ground, then took Ray's hands into his. He looked at those beautiful hands that he so loved, running his own hands over them lightly. He placed a kiss on each long, elegant finger, then on the back of Ray's hands, than brushed a feather-light kiss against each palm.
Ray pulled his hands free, and ran them lovingly over Benny's face. Light fingers traced gently over his eyebrows, his thumbs traced the line of Benny's nose, he traced the outline of Benny's lips with his index finger, both hands caressed Benny's cheeks.
Ben sighed and closed his eyes, and a gentle kiss was placed on each eyelid, then Ray lovingly captured Benny's mouth in another kiss.
Ben wrapped his arms tightly around Ray's waist and leaned into him. He had imagined this scene so many times, and in his mind it had always gone one of two ways. Either Ray had rejected him and stormed out of his life forever, or they had fallen into a desperate, passionate, groping kiss.
Never had he dreamed that it could be like this. This gentle, loving exploration of one another. Ray's tongue was in his mouth, lightly teasing and darting over Ben's own tongue and around his mouth and even over his teeth.
Ben firmly yet oh so politely nudged Ray's tongue aside with his own and entered Ray's mouth for a little exploring and tasting of his own.
The excited barking of the approaching wolf barely penetrated the men's consciousness, but they definitely noticed when Diefenbaker jumped up on them and began happily licking both their faces. The men broke apart with a laugh.
"Now he shows up." Said Ray.
"He does need to work on his timing."
Ray smiled at him and reached up to touch Ben's face again. "Benny. I want to take you home now- to your home- and make love to you."
"Oh, please, Ray."
A beautiful smile lit up Ray's face, and he pulled out his car keys. "Come on, Benny. Let's go."
The door to the apartment opened and the two men walked slowly through it. On the drive back to the city it had seemed like they couldn't get there fast enough. For once, Ben had not complained at all about Ray's bending the traffic laws.
But now that they were actually in the apartment, both men seemed hesitant, almost shy.
They took off their jackets and hung them carefully in the closet, then just stood there looking at each other.
Finally Ray reached out and gently touched Ben's face. Ben smiled and took Ray's hand and led him over to the bed, and they sat down next to each other.
"Yup, it's just like I always thought it would be."
"What is, Ray?"
"This bed. I always thought it looked as hard and uncomfortable as a rock, and I was right."
"Oh. Oh dear." Ben looked at Ray for a moment, then lay down on the bed, pulling Ray down to lie on top of him. "Is that better?" He asked.
"Oh, yes, Benny. Much better." He kissed Ben, and Fraser sighed
happily.
For the next few minutes they lay there, content to just kiss and stroke each other, growing more relaxed and comfortable.
"What next, Ray?"
"What?" Ray blinked, confused.
"What's going to happen now? I mean, how exactly are we going to..." Ben's voice trailed off and he was blushing.
Ray laughed softly and gave Ben a kiss on the cheek, then sat up.
Ben sat up next to him. "I've never even done... this... with a man."
Ben said. "Have you?"
"Yeah. A few times."
"Ah."
"Does that bother you, Benny?"
"No. Actually I'm relieved that at least one of us will know what they're doing."
Ray laughed. "Don't worry, Caro. It will be fine. It will be better
than fine."
Ben gave him another kiss, and Ray smiled at him. "What do you want
to do, Benny?"
"Everything. I want to do everything with you, Ray."
Ray's breath caught in his throat. Oh my God... "You will, Benny. You
will."
Ben smiled. "Let's just figure it out as we go along, okay?"
"Okay." Ray drew Benny into another kiss and was quite happy and content until he heard a soft whine. Ray broke the kiss and looked over to the side of the bed, where Diefenbaker sat watching them with a great deal of interest.
"Oh no, Fraser!" Ray said. "We are not going to do this with your wolf
watching!"
"Yes, Ray."
Ray got up and crossed into the kitchen. "Come here, Dief." The wolf
looked at him, but did not move.
Ray picked up a plate from the counter. "Here, Dief! Cookies!!"
With an excited bark, Diefenbaker jumped up and ran into the kitchen, his tail wagging happily.
"Ray..." Ben moved into the kitchen as well.
Ray gave Benny a look. "It's either this or he goes out into the
hallway."
Ben held back a sigh. "Fine." He turned to face Diefenbaker. "But this is only because it's Christmas. Don't think this is going to become a habit."
"And stay in here when you're done." Ray added.
Dief wagged his tail harder, twitching slightly. Ray dropped the cookies into Dief's dog dish, and Dief began happily devouring them.
Taking Ben by the hand, Ray led him back over to the bed, but stopped next to it to give him a kiss. Slowly, almost shyly, Ben pulled Ray's sweater from the waistband of his pants, and Ray let go of Benny long enough to help in its removal. Ray then devoted himself to removing Ben's flannel shirt, and the t-shirt he wore underneath it.
Ben stood looking at Ray standing bare-chested before him, and he smiled. Ray was so beautiful. He looked at the tufts of hair on Ray's chest and slowly reached out and ran his fingers through it, all the while admiring the olive skin showing off darker nipples.
Ben found himself wondering what those nipples tasted like, so he decided to find out. He covered one with his mouth, running his tongue over it before giving it a gentle nip; and Ray jumped and gasped.
Ben pulled away and grinned at him playfully. "You don't mind me
tasting things now, do you, Ray?"
"No, Benny, not at all."
Ben smiled and then bent down to take the other nipple into his mouth. After a moment, Ray gently pulled him away. "My turn now, Benny." He whispered.
Falling to his knees, he kissed first one of Benny's nipples, then the other, then kissed and licked his way down Ben's body until he was stopped by the waistband of Ben's pants.
He looked up at Ben. Ben looked nervous, but he smiled and nodded, and Ray gratefully undid Ben's belt, then unfastened and pulled his pants and underwear down to pool around his ankles.
Ray stared at the cock so tantalizingly close to his face and smiled. He leaned closer and placed a kiss on it, and Ben gasped. It sounded very loud in the quiet room.
Ray kissed the cock again and again as it hardened, then ran his tongue over it before taking it into his mouth entirely. Ben's breath was coming in short, high-pitched gasps.
Ray began a series of long, slow sucks on Benny's cock, gradually increasing in speed and strength. Ben's breathing changed from gasps to low moans to loud cries until he finally screamed out Ray's name and came into his lover's mouth.
Time seemed to freeze for an endless moment, and then Ray let the spent cock slip from his mouth. Ben's knees suddenly gave way and he would have fallen to the floor completely, but Ray was there to catch him and ease him to the ground.
Ray lay down on the floor with Benny sprawled across his chest, and both men lay for a few minutes, breathing harshly and feeling their heartbeats return to normal.
Finally, Ben stirred slightly and spoke. "Would you like me to do
something for you now, Ray?"
"That's all right, Benny. We can wait awhile. In fact we probably have to wait awhile."
It took a few seconds for the meaning of Ray's words to sink in, and then Ben glanced down at his new lover's crotch and smiled. "Really? Wow." He gave Ray a lingering kiss.
"Let's just nap for a little while, okay, Benny?"
"Mmmm. We should probably move off the floor though, Ray."
"Yeah, it is kind of cold down here."
Neither man moved a muscle. Finally, Ray reached up and grabbed a pillow and the blanket from the bed. Slipping the pillow under his head, he pulled Benny down to rest against his chest, then covered them both with the blanket.
Ben mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "Thank you kindly", and Ray smiled.
"I love you, Benny."
"I love you too, Ray. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas."
Ray was asleep almost instantly, but Ben had a harder time drifting off. A sudden thought kept him awake, smiling happily. 'I'm home.'
Ben lay there, perfectly content between the harsh RCMP issue blanket and the soft warmth of his lover's skin. He smiled as he thought of what he would do for Ray when they awoke from their nap, and after awhile he followed Ray into sleep.
THE END
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