This is an apology by way of story for my beloved Silvina, whom I would never intentionally upset in any way. Someone with such a lovely name should never be unhappy!
This is an angsty sap (or is that sappy angst?) story, and it is rated PG.
Alliance owns these characters, and I claim no legal right to them, nor will I make any money from this story.
ONE STORMY NIGHT
The lightning split the sky outside, followed closely by a loud clap of thunder. Inside his apartment, Ben jumped slightly and looked up from the sofa and the book he was trying to read to stare out the window at the pounding rain.
He turned back to his book, but found himself unable to concentrate. Finally, he tossed the book onto the coffee table with a restless sigh and stood up and walked into the kitchen, checking the time on the clock against his watch.
He frowned slightly. Ray had been at a police seminar today, held in Milwaukee. He had, of course, insisted on driving by himself, in the Riv. Ben glanced back up at the clock again. Ray was late. He should have been home a little over an hour ago.
Ben walked back into the living room and stared out at the storm. It was the worst storm he had experienced since living in Chicago; and according to the news reports, one of the worst in the past ten years.
The weather report that morning had predicted rain, even thunderstorms, but the severity of the storm had caught everyone by surprise. It was also a very large storm, stretching practically to Milwaukee, where Ray was.
Ben took a deep breath and trailed his fingers lightly over the window pane. It was perfectly reasonable that Ray would be a little late in returning. This storm was enough to delay anyone; and under these weather conditions, Ray would be especially careful. Ray was fine. He was fine.
It was even possible that the seminar had run overtime. The speakers at these things usually loved the sound of their own voices, and tended to ignore their time limit. Ben grinned, remembering a few of the conferences he had attended.
He walked back into the kitchen and picked up the notepad from the counter. Ray had left the number of the hotel where the conference was being held; and Ben dialed the number now.
A few minutes later, Ben hung up the phone, far more worried and upset then he had been. According to the manager at the hotel, the conference had actually let out early due to the storm. Even accounting for the bad weather, Ray should have been home over three hours ago.
Ben stood numbly by the phone for a few minutes, then got out the phone book and paged through it with shaking hands. Finding the number he wanted, he called the highway department and checked on the condition of the roads.
The woman on the other end of the phone reported minor delays, but nothing that would account for Ray being as late as he was. Benny automatically thanked the woman, then hung up the phone and walked back into the living room and dropped onto the sofa.
Ben tried to think calmly and clearly past the sudden pounding of his heart. He needed to think clearly now. There had to be some perfectly rational reason why Ray was so late.
Maybe he had run into a delay on the road that hadn't been reported to the highway department yet. Or maybe Ray had decided to stay over at the hotel and wait out the storm. But if that were the case, why hadn't Ray called him? Hurrying back into the kitchen, he called Ray's cell phone, only to receive a message that his call was not able to be completed due to service difficulties.
Ben hung up the phone and started pacing the apartment. He needed to get control of himself. Ray's cell phone was probably out due to the weather conditions. It didn't mean that Ray was... Ray was fine.
Ben roamed through the apartment that seemed suddenly empty and barren. He and Ray had moved into the apartment together four months ago, after a long and frustrating search.
Either the apartment had been too large for Benny, or too small for Ray. If the apartment was right, the neighborhood was not suitable for one man or the other. Finally, with a sense of happiness mixed with strong relief, they had found this place, which was perfect for both of them.
As Ben wandered through the apartment, he could see Ray everywhere. From the kitchen, stocked with every pot, pan and cooking implement available, to the television and stereo in the living room, and the family pictures on the mantle of the fireplace.
Not only were the Vecchio family pictures there, but there was a double frame with a picture of Bob Fraser in full dress uniform in one half, and Benny in full dress uniform in the other half. There was also an old picture of Bob, Caroline and a very young Benton Fraser, which Ray had dug out of Ben's trunk and had restored and framed as a special house-warming gift for Benny.
But the picture that held the place of prominence was a picture of Benny and Ray. It had been taken by Rosa, with neither man aware that they were being photographed. They were standing in the backyard of Rosa's home, their arms around each other, laughing. They both looked very happy and carefree and very much in love.
Ben smiled and ran his finger over Ray's face in the photo. Suddenly, he whirled around and went back into the kitchen and picked up the phone, then slowly placed it back in the cradle. He couldn't think of who to call.
He didn't want to call Rosa. If Ray had talked to his Mother, Ben would have heard from Rosa by now, and he didn't want to cause the woman any undue worry.
Ben sighed and picked up the phone. Maybe he should try Ray's cell phone again. As he brought the receiver to his ear, Ben frowned. Instead of getting a dial tone, he heard a burst of static. The phone lines were down.
Hanging up the phone, Ben walked slowly into the bedroom, the feeling of dread stronger than ever. Another loud clap of thunder shook the walls, and Ben jumped. Ray had to be all right. He had to be.
Ben entered the bedroom and walked over to the closet. Opening the door, he grinned. If anything could sum up the differences between he and Ray quickly and succinctly, it was their closet.
He ran his hands over the elegant, tailored suits and silk and 100% cotton shirts hanging next to the serge uniforms, flannel shirts and cable-knit sweaters.
Reaching up onto the shelf, Ben pulled down a plain grey sweatshirt. This was his favorite article of Ray's clothing. He wore it when they went running, or when they played basketball or football in the park. Ben pressed his face into the shirt and breathed in deeply. The shirt smelled of Ray, and Ben smiled.
He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, still clutching the sweatshirt. There was another violent flash of lightning and a huge thunderclap, and the lights flickered and went out.
"Oh, God." Ben whispered, and lay down on the bed, holding the sweatshirt against his chest. Ray had to be okay. He had to be. He couldn't go back to the way things had been before Ray had come into his life.
Ben rolled over onto his side and ran his hand slowly over Ray's half of the bed. Ray had shown him a whole new world- a world of light and color and laughter. And all that had happened before they had even become lovers.
Since that had happened- since Ray had become his partner in every way- Benny had experienced things he had never known before. The wonder of having someone know you better than anyone else- all your strengths, as well as your frailties and your flaws- and love you anyway.
Thanks to Ray, he knew that it was all right to have a difference of opinion- to have an argument even- and it didn't take away from the love and respect you felt for the other person. And the making up wasn't bad, either.
And he found that spending an entire Saturday just being with his lover and doing nothing special- something that in the past he would have referred to as "wasting an entire day" he now thought of as "a day very well spent."
Diefenbaker came into the room and laid his head on the bed next to Ben, whining softly, but Ben barely registered his presence.
Ben lay on the bed, trying to think positive thoughts. His rational mind told him that of course Ray was all right, that he had just been delayed somehow by the storm. But another part of his mind, and his heart, was telling him that a horrible pattern in his life was about to repeat itself.
"Oh, God." Benny whispered. "I can't lose Ray. I can't. I can't be alone again."
Ben lost all track of time as he lay on the bed, holding Ray's shirt and praying for him. Suddenly, Dief raised his head with a little whine. Ben looked over at him. "Diefenbaker?"
With a burst of happy barking, Dief ran from the bedroom into the living room. Ben sat up on the bed, his heart pounding.
Ben heard a key in the lock, followed by the door opening and closing. "Hey, why is it so dark in here? Benny, you home?"
Ben stood up and hurried from the room, dropping Ray's sweatshirt on the bed as he went. As he moved through the apartment, he could hear Ray moving around in the kitchen.
Ben walked into the kitchen just as Ray lit one of the kerosene lanterns Ben had insisted upon keeping.
"Guess these were a good idea after all, huh, Benny?" Ray grinned. "Geez, why were you sitting around in the dark?"
Ben stared at his lover in disbelief. "Ray, where were you?"
"God, Benny. You would not believe the time I had getting here."
"Ray, where were you?" Ben repeated, more insistently.
"You won't believe it, but the Riv picked today of all days to break down. I had to have it towed to some repair shop all the way back in Milwaukee, and then had to wait while they found me a loaner, which of course is a piece of crap, and then I had to drive that one all the way home in the storm."
"Why didn't you call me, Ray?" Now that his worry and fear was over, Ben found himself growing more and more angry by the moment.
"Geez, Benny, I tried. But the phone in the repair shop was out because of the storm, and I couldn't get through on my cell phone, either."
"And you didn't pass one single pay phone between here and Milwaukee? Not one rest stop or service station where you could stop and call me to tell me you were okay?" Ben's voice was rising steadily.
"God, Benny. Lighten up."
"Lighten up? Ray, how could you have been so thoughtless?"
"I wasn't being thoughtless, Benny! I was staying on the highway because I was afraid to get off. I was trying to get home. I didn't think I had to inform you of my progress every step of the way."
"Ray!" Ben broke off as he noticed something. "Ray, you're shivering."
"Yeah, to make the day complete, I had to park the rental three blocks from here and walk back through the pouring rain."
Ben sighed. "For God's sake, Ray, go dry yourself and put on some warm, dry clothes."
"Benny..."
"Go, Ray."
Ray left the kitchen and headed for the bedroom, and Ben sank down into a chair at the kitchen table and buried his face in his hands. He didn't even notice when the lights came back on.
"Benny?"
Ben jumped and looked up at the sound of his lover's quiet voice, and squinted at the unexpected brightness. Blowing out the kerosene lantern, he put it back in the cupboard under the sink and closed the door with a slam.
He started back towards the living room, but was stopped by Ray stepping in front of him and taking his arm.
Ben pulled his arm free and stepped around his lover.
"Benny, come on. Talk to me. Okay, okay, I should have found a way to call. I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry. But don't you think you're over reacting a little?"
Ben kept his back to Ray and didn't answer.
"Benny, come on. Why are you really so upset?"
Ben turned around to face him. "I thought you were dead, Ray."
Ray looked absolutely stunned. "You what?"
"You were an hour overdue, and I was getting a little worried, so I called the hotel, to see if maybe the conference had run over and you were still there. They told me you had left early."
"Oh, Benny." Ray looked stricken. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea you would do that, or I would have found some way to call you for sure. But you didn't really think... you couldn't have really thought that, Benny."
"Logically, I didn't, I thought there had to be some rational explanation. But I wasn't thinking rationally, Ray. I thought that I had lost you. Just like I've lost everyone else."
Ray was across the room in three quick steps and had Benny in his arms. "No, Benny. No. You didn't lose me, and you're not going to. I'm here love. I'm right here; and I wouldn't leave you. What did I promise you, Benny?"
There was no answer.
"Benny? What did I promise you?"
"You promised me forever, Ray."
"That's right. Have I ever broken a promise to you, Benny?"
"No, Ray."
"That's right. And I'm not about to start on something this important."
"Sometimes people leave whether they want to or not, Ray."
Ray tightened his arms around Benny and cupped the back of his head in his hand, running his fingers lightly through Ben's hair.
Silently, Ray cursed. Cursed himself, cursed the bad weather, cursed the phones for not working, cursed the Riv for breaking down, but most of all, he cursed everyone who had ever left Benny, if they had meant to or not.
Finally, he pulled away to smile into Benny's face. "Benny, I do have some control over the situation, you know. Say a tree had fallen on the car and squished me today. You know what would have happened?"
Ben shook his head.
"I would have gotten up to the Pearly Gates and raised such a stink that they would have sent me back to Earth- back to you- just to shut me up and get rid of me."
Ben laughed. "I can see that happening."
Ray grinned at him. "See, Benny? No way am I leaving you. Ever. For any reason. So you damn well get used to the idea that I'm going to be around for a long, long time."
Ben cupped Ray's cheek in one hand, and leaned in for a kiss. "I can live with that." He smiled.
Taking Ray's hand, Benny led his lover into the bedroom.
THE END
Return to Home Page
Get your own Free Home Page