RATED PG
Benny sat in the front passenger seat of the Riv, staring out the window as the dark night slipped past him. He had been to the Vecchio home for his usual Sunday dinner visit, and Ray was driving him home.
"Hey, Benny, you all right? You've been awfully quiet tonight."
Benny turned towards his lover with a smile. "Yes Ray, I'm fine. I'm just tired."
"I bet you are. You've been working too damn hard lately, Benny."
"Ray, the extended hours are normal this time of the year at the Consulate. Many Canadians are visiting the states for the holidays, meaning more people need our help. On top of that, we have the month-end as well as year-end reports we need to work on."
"I know," Ray sighed, turning the corner onto Racine, "but it doesn't seem fair that Canada can steal away all our time together."
"We still have Sundays together Ray," Benny smiled, "and the Consulate will be closed for Thanksgiving."
"It's a damn good thing, too. I'd hate to have to bust in and break you out of there. The annual Vecchio turkey feast is on; and you're definitely invited, Benny."
Benny turned to look out the window again. "Right."
Ray frowned. Benny seemed more than tired to him. For the last week or so he had seemed downcast and depressed; but whenever Ray tried to talk to him about it, Benny had brushed the topic aside, claiming that he was merely tired from work. "Benny?"
"Ray!"
"Oh, shit." Ray had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he had driven right past Benny's building. He pulled the car into a u-turn and headed back up the street.
"Ray, are you sure you're all right?" Benny asked, a genuine grin crossing his face.
"Very funny." Ray pulled the Riv to a stop across the street from Benny's building. "You need a ride to work in the morning?"
"No thank you, Ray. I'll be going in early."
Ray sighed. "And you'll be working through lunch again, right?"
Benny nodded. "I'm afraid so. But at least I'll have plenty to eat." He held up the paper bag containing the leftovers Rosa had insisted he take home.
"I'm not sure why your mother had me take so much food home, Ray. I'll be there in just a few days for Thanksgiving."
"I know, but if Ma doesn't send you home loaded down with food, she thinks you're going to starve to death."
"Ah," Benny smiled. "Do you want to come up for a while, Ray?"
"Nah. I think you'd better get some sleep, Benny. I'll call you tomorrow at work, okay?"
Benny nodded. "All right. Good night Ray."
"Good night, Benny." He watched as Benny got out of the car and slowly crossed the street. Once Benny was safely in his building, Ray pulled away from the curb and headed for home, his thoughts troubled.
Benny entered his apartment and turned on the light with a tired sigh. He smiled as an eager Dief trotted up to him, his tail wagging. "Yes, I brought home some leftovers, and yes, you may have some."
He spooned some of the beef stew into Dief's food dish, then sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and stared out the window, deep in thought.
He didn't know what was the matter with him lately. He had never really believed in the "holiday blues", but that is what seemed to be bothering him now.
Maybe his father had been right. Maybe all those years of living with his grandmother had made him soft; made him too emotional. What else could explain the fact that he was feeling so depressed at a time when he should be on top of the world?
He had Ray. Not just as a best friend and partner, but as a lover; as the love of his life. Ray's family knew about and accepted their relationship, and Benny was still a welcome guest in their home.
Benny sighed again. That was part of the problem. He was still welcome in the Vecchio home- welcomed, accepted and cared about- but as a guest, not as a member of the family.
He had somehow always held on to the hope that once Ray's family got past their initial shock and reservations over their relationship that he would become an official member of the family, included and thought of as "one of the Vecchios". Perhaps that had been selfish of him, too much to ask for.
Certainly, things could be a lot worse. He could have been cut off from the family entirely- so could Ray for that matter- but that hadn't happened. Instead he was still treated with the same affection and acceptance he had always received from the family.
He was very grateful for that, but sometimes it hurt to feel like he was on the fringes of the family, not really included. Like when Ray had made it a point to say that he was invited to Thanksgiving dinner. Benny longed for a time when he would be automatically included in the dinner plans, and not need a special invitation.
Benny sighed harshly, irritated with himself. This self-pity was very unattractive, and he was most ungrateful. There had been a time in his life-years and years- when he truly had been alone, with no family whatsoever to be included in at all. He should be offering prayers of thanks that he had so many people that cared about him, that wanted to include him in their lives, instead of trying to dictate the way those people accepted him.
Benny shook himself, then looked down at Diefenbaker,who had finished his dinner. "Come, Dief, I may as well take you for your walk."
Diefenbaker jumped up eagerly and led Benny from the apartment. As he walked down the stairs leading to the lobby, Ben could hear angry voices raised in argument.
He entered the lobby to see a small crowd watching Bill Evans from apartment 2E in a fierce argument with another man, whom Benny had never seen before.
Fraser sighed to himself. Bill Evans was a young man in his early twenties. He had moved into the building about six weeks ago, and he had caused nothing but trouble since.
He had people streaming in and out of his apartment at all hours of the day and night, and Ben strongly suspected that much of the activity that went on in Bill's apartment was not legal.
Fraser approached the two men, and as he did so, Dief stepped closer to his leg, whining quietly. "What seems to be the problem?" Ben asked calmly.
"This son of a bitch owes me fifty dollars and he won't pay up!" Bill said.
"Okay gentlemen, why don't we all calm down and talk things out quietly, and I'm sure the two of you can come to an agreement."
"Who the hell are you?" snapped the other man.
"My name is Benton Fraser. I'm a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and I'm also a neighbor of Mr. Evans'."
The young man looked at him, his eyes narrowing. "You're a cop?"
"Yes." "A Canadian cop. Why don't you go back to Canada and arrest a beaver and leave us the hell alone?"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, son. I-"
Bill lunged forward suddenly, grabbing the man he had been arguing with by the shoulders and slamming him against the wall. "Pay up, dammit!"
The two man started physically fighting, throwing punches and curses. Ben sighed as they circled each other. He could call for the police, but he knew from personal experience that it would take them a long time to show up in this neighborhood. It was up to him to put a stop to this.
"Gentlemen, please," he said, stepping forward and putting a hand on Bill's shoulder. "Back off!" Bill yelled, turning around and punching Ben in the abdomen. Benny stumbled back a few steps and landed against the wall. He heard gasps and a couple of cries from the onlookers.
"Oh my God!" shouted the second man, whose name Benny still didn't know, "What did you do? What the fuck did you do, Bill?"
"I didn't mean to! He came up and grabbed me! Shit!" He whirled around and ran from the building, pushing his way through the crowd, followed closely by his "friend".
Benny knew he should chase after them, but he couldn't find the energy to do it. He felt very weak, and his legs were very shaky beneath him. What was wrong with him that he couldn't take a simple punch anymore? He slid down the wall into a sitting position.
Suddenly Dennis was there, kneeling in front of him. "It's all right Fraser, Mr. Mustafi is calling for an ambulance, okay?"
An ambulance? What was he talking about? Ben blinked a couple times as he noticed a burning sensation in his left side where he had been punched. He looked down and saw a bloodstain in the area, spreading rapidly. Oh dear.
"Fraser?" Dennis was speaking to him again, but it was hard to make out what he was saying. His voice was getting lost through the roaring in Ben's ears.
With an effort, Ben looked back at Dennis and tried to concentrate on what he was saying. "Okay, Fraser..." he could hear dimly. "ambulance... soon... okay..."
Dennis' faint voice was the last thing Fraser heard as the darkness overtook him.
Ray was nearly home when he pulled the Riv over to the side of the road with a muttered curse. Dammit! Damn Benny, Damn himself. Something was bothering Benny; had been bothering him for days now. Benny could talk about his busy schedule at work all he wanted, but Ray knew it was more than that.
He never should have let Benny get out of the car tonight without talking about it. He shouldn't have let Benny brush him off so easily. Ray glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was still fairly early; Benny wouldn't be asleep yet. He was going to go over to Benny's apartment and make him tell Ray what was bothering him.
He could pull that stupid stoic Mountie bullshit all he wanted; Ray wasn't going to put up with it. He was going back to Benny's and he wasn't going to leave until they had talked. Really talked.
Ray pulled the car back into traffic and headed back towards the other side of town.
As Ray approached Benny's apartment building, he sighed heavily. There were several police cars parked outside the building, lights flashing. Cop cars at Benny's building. That was something new, he though sarcastically. Ray wondered what was going on this time- and how deeply Benny was involved in it. When there were cop cars around, nine times out of ten Benny was involved in the incident somehow.
As he got out of his car and approached the building, Ray felt the first feelings of apprehension. There was an ambulance there among all the police cars. "Dammit Benny, you'd better be okay," he muttered.
As he opened the door of the building, he literally bumped into Dennis, who was walking out. "Detective Vecchio, I'm glad you're here."
"What is it this time?" Ray asked. Dennis' eyes widened slightly. "You mean no one called you?"
"No," Ray said, his apprehension increasing.
"Oh, God," Dennis muttered with a sigh. "Detective Vecchio, it's Fraser."
Ray looked over at the ambulance, then back at Dennis, his stomach suddenly tied up in knots. "What's Benny?" he asked as calmly as he could.
"There was a fight, and Fraser tried to break it up. One of the kids stabbed him."
"Oh my God," Ray whispered, "is he..."
"The paramedics are working on him right now."
Ray nodded and rushed into the building. He stepped into the lobby and came to a halt, staring at the scene before him as if watching a nightmare.
Benny was lying unconscious on the floor of the lobby as two paramedics worked over him. An oxygen mask was already covering his face, and an IV was running into his arm; and one of the paramedics was hooking up some kind of monitoring device.
Ray stood frozen in place, unable to move, barely able to breathe. As the paramedics lifted Benny onto the stretcher and headed towards him, however, Ray forced himself to move.
He stepped towards them and realized to his surprise that he recognized one of the paramedics. They had bumped into each other on cases a few times before. Ted, his name was. Or maybe it was Todd.
The paramedic recognized him as well. "Detective Vecchio!"
Ray fell into step beside them. "How is he?" He asked, looking down at the stretcher. Surely that person wasn't Benny. It was someone who resembled Benny, but the man lying on the stretcher so still and pale and helpless- that wasn't his Benny.
"We've got him stabilized and we're taking him to Memorial." Ted- his nametag said Ted- informed him.
Ray felt like screaming. Stabilized? What in the hell did that mean? It was doctor talk, like "as well as could be expected" or "wait and see".
"I'm riding with him," Ray said, in a voice that left no room for argument.
Ted nodded. "Of course; this guy is your partner, right?"
Ray nodded. Ted remembered him, all right.
Ray looked down at the sound of an upset whine. Diefenbaker. Oh, man...
Mr. Mustafi stepped forward from the crowd. "It's all right, Detective, I'll take care of him."
"Thank you," Ray said gratefully, then knelt down in front of the wolf. "I'm going with Benny, Dief. I'm going to take care of him."
Dief whined again, but stood quietly as Ray stepped into the ambulance.
Ray sat down on the bench in the ambulance and took one of Benny's hands. "Benny? I'm here. It's okay, Benny, I'm here. We're taking you to the hospital, and you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay."
Ray repeated the words over and over, praying they were true.
Ray clung to Benny's hand the entire ride to the hospital, talking quietly to his lover, even though he knew Benny couldn't hear him.
When they got to the hospital, Ray followed Benny's stretcher from the ambulance into the emergency room, but he was stopped at the doors leading into the treatment room.
Ray gasped as Benny's hand slipped from his, then turned to look at the nurse standing next to him. "I'm sorry, did you say something to me?"
The nurse smiled at him sympathetically. "I'll need you to fill out these forms for your friend; and if you'll take a seat in the waiting room, one of the doctors will be out to talk to you as soon as they know anything."
Ray nodded mutely and took the clipboard the nurse was holding out to him. He walked into the waiting room and sat down in the first empty chair he found. He started filling in the forms; grateful for something, anything to do.
He filled out the first questions on the form quickly. They were easy: patient's name, address, age. He paused when he got to the question asking the patient's relationship to him. What was he supposed to put? 'My heart'? 'My soul'? 'The reason I get out of bed in the morning'? Finally, Ray put the simple truth. In the box on the form he wrote 'Partner'.
Once Ray had completed the forms he took them up to the desk and then returned to his seat to continue the agonizing wait. He could hear the voices of the other people in the waiting room, some speaking in low conversation, some crying, some whispering prayers. He felt lost and afraid and very alone.
Ray got up and walked to the pay phone on the oppostie wall; plugging some coins into the slot and quickly dialing a number. "Ma? It's me. No, I'm not okay. Ma, I need you..."
Ray paced back and forth nervously. They had taken Benny up to surgery about twenty minutes ago, and Ray had been sent to the surgical waiting room. It was much better than the crowded, noisy emergency room. In fact, Ray was the only one in the room at the moment.
The only problem was that he had nothing to distract him from his thoughts. 'Ma will be here soon,' he kept reminding himself. 'Ma will be here soon.'
"Raimondo?"
Ray whirled around to see his mother standing in the doorway. "Ma!" Ray rushed up to her and Rosa drew him into a fierce hug.
"Caro, what is happening? I went to the emergency room, and they sent me up here. They said that Benton is already in surgery?"
"Yeah," Ray nodded, "they took him in just a little while ago. He's bleeding internally and they need to stop it. They said they won't even know for sure how much damage there is until they get in there."
Rosa took Ray's hand into hers and squeezed it lovingly, then led him over to the chairs and they both took a seat. "Ray, how did this happen?"
Ray shook his head. "There were these two loser kids fighting in Benny's building. He tried to break it up, and one of the little bastards stabbed him."
"Poor Benton!" Rosa shook her head. "Did they find the person who did it?"
"I don't know." At the moment, Ray didn't even care if an arrest had been made yet. He knew that at some point he would care- very much- but for now all he wanted was for Benny to be all right.
"Oh, Ma, this should never have happened."
"I know, Caro."
"No, I mean, I should have been there. I should have been there for Benny and I wasn't."
"Ray, don't do that to yourself. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen."
Ray shook his head. "No, I don't mean that, Ma. Something was bothering Benny. I knew something was bugging him, but I just let him brush it aside, let him tell me it was nothing. I just drove away and left him alone. If I hadn't done that, this probably would never have happened."
"Ray..."
"No Ma. No matter how you look at it, I wasn't there for Benny when he needed me."
"Raimondo, stop it! You told me that you went back to Benton's apartment, no? You were going back there because you knew Benton was upset, and you were going to talk to him. You were there for him, Caro. You were."
"Not soon enough," Ray said.
"Oh, Ray, don't. You have always been so hard on yourself. This is not your fault in any way, no matter how hard you try to make it your fault.
"Blaming yourself for this isn't going to help anyone. It's not going to help Benton, and it certainly isn't going to help you."
"Oh God, Ma," Ray said, burying his face in his hands, "I just want Benny to be okay."
"I know, bambino, I know." Rosa pulled Ray into her arms, resting his head against her shoulder and rocking him gently.
"He's... he's everything Ma. I can't... I don't..." Ray pulled away and gave a shaky laugh.
"How the hell did this happen? I spend years and years building myself up, telling myself that I'm strong and independent and don't need anyone, and then along comes this Mountie, this... amazing and quite possibly insane person and he blows away years of effort in no time at all."
Rosa was smiling at him. "Love is a very funny thing,is it not?"
Ray shook his head. "Love sucks."
"Oh Raimondo, that is not true. Love always involves risk, but the rewards are well worth it. I know you are afraid and feeling pain now, but would you change it if you could? Would you give up all the other things Benton has made you feel?"
Ray looked at his mother and slowly shook his head. "No Ma, I wouldn't. I couldn't."
Rosa smiled. "Exactly. I have seen so many wonderful changes in you since Benton has come into your life. You are so much happier, so much more relaxed. And it is wonderful to see you believing in the good man that you always were."
"Ma.." Ray whispered, his voice choked.
"And you have been just as good for Benton. I have seen it. When I first met him, I thought he was a very nice boy, very well mannered and polite. But he seemed so withdrawn and reserved and uptight.
"But since you have been together, it's like he's a whole new Benton. He seems relaxed and happy and at ease. And even at gatherings with the whole family, he seems much less..."
"Terrified?"
"Yes," Rosa said, and the two laughed.
"I hope so Ma. I hope I've helped him. I want to make him happy."
"You do, Ray. I have seen it. Benton is a very lucky man. He deserves the best, and he has received it."
Ray shook his head. "How do you do that, Ma? How do you take one of the worst nights of my life and make me feel so good?"
"I am your mother, Raimondo. If I can't help you, what is the point?"
"I love you, Ma."
"I love you too, son."
The hours dragged slowly on, and Ray and Rosa sat side by side in the waiting room holding hands. Sometimes they would talk quietly, but more often than not they were silent, lost in their own thoughts.
It was nearly midnight when they heard someone else enter the room, and the two looked up expectantly. A man who appeared to be right around Ray's age approached them. He was wearing rumpled surgical scrubs, and he looked fairly tired. "Are you relatives of Benton Fraser?" He asked.
"Yes," Rosa replied "we are his family."
"I'm Dr. Burns, the surgeon who operated on Mr. Fraser."
"How is he?" Ray asked. It was hard to get the words out, his mouth was suddenly bone-dry.
"Mr. Fraser is a very lucky man," Dr. Burns said, and Ray felt his heart start to pound. "He did have a fair amount of internal bleeding, and there was some damage to his spleen. We had to remove his spleen, but we did get the bleeding stopped completely.
"We were worried that there had been damage done to his large intestine, but that was not the case. With the intestine not being damaged, the risk of serious infection goes down substantially. Nevertheless, we will be starting Mr. Fraser on a course of antibiotics as a precautionary measure."
"But he's going to be all right?" Ray asked, latching onto the most important part of what the doctor had said.
Dr. Burns smiled at him. "Well, he did lose a great deal of blood, and he is quite weak right now, but Mr. Fraser is a young man in good health- other than his injury- so we expect that he will make a full recovery."
Ray and Rosa each let out a relieved breath. "When can I see him?" Ray asked.
"He will be in the ICU at least overnight. We want to be able to keep a close eye on him until his vital signs have fully stabilized. Only family will be allowed to see him."
"Doctor, I'm his partner."
"Yes," Dr. Burns said, glancing down at his clipboard, "I noticed that you and Mr. Fraser are both police officers. However-"
"No, I didn't mean that. I meant he's my partner."
"Oh, I see."
"Does that count as family?"
"It does in my book," the doctor smiled. "I'll let the staff know. Mr. Fraser is still in recovery, but he should be moved to his room within the hour. Someone will let you know when you can see him."
"All right. Thank you Dr. Burns, thank you," Ray said, shaking the other man's hand.
"Thank you doctor," Rosa echoed.
"You're welcome," Dr. Burns smiled and left the room.
Ray turned to his mother and grabbed her and clung to her tightly. He felt like laughing. He felt like crying.
Rosa felt Ray shaking against her and she sat them both down. "Ssh, Caro, everything is all right," she murmured.
"Benny's going to be okay, Ma," Ray said, wrapping his arms more firmly around her, "he's going to be okay."
It was almost an hour later when a nurse came to get Ray and show him to Benny's room. Rosa gave Ray a final hug. "Give Benton my love, Caro. And try to get some rest for yourself."
"I will. Thanks for coming down here, Ma. Thanks for everything."
Rosa smiled and patted his cheek, and Ray turned and followed the nurse to Benny's room. Ray entered the room and approached the bed quietly. As he looked down at his lover, Ray felt some of his happiness drain away, to be replaced by fresh worry.
Benny was lying so still in the bed, his white face almost indistinguishable from the pillowcase. Ray counted three separate IVs leading into Benny's arm and several monitors were keeping track of his vital signs.
Ray took one of Benny's hands into his own. "Oh, Benny, just look at you. Always having to be the Boy Scout, always trying to help everyone; whether they deserve it or not."
He reached down and brushed a few strands of hair from Benny's forehead. "But that's one of the things I love most about you. It's one of the the things that made me fall in love with you in the first place.
"The rest of the city, the rest of the world, can go on being as cynical and cold hearted as they want, but you don't care. You don't let it affect you. You just keep on looking for the good in people, and trying to make things better.
"And I would never want you to change that, Benny. I'd never want you to stop trying to help people. But maybe you could stop charging headlong into situations unless I'm there to back you up.
"You spend all your time looking out for everyone else, Benny. You need someone around who's going to be looking out for you." Ray smiled softly and bent over to place a gentle kiss on Benny's forehead.
Ben sighed quietly. He needed to wake up. It shouldn't be that difficult a task to accomplish, but for some reason it was. He felt as if he were fighting through a thick fog, and his eyelids felt unbearably heavy.
He shifted slightly and gasped at the sudden pain in his side. Ben lay still as the memories started to come back to him. There had been a fight, and he had been hit.
Finally forcing his eyes to open, Ben frowned. Where was he? Then he noticed the IV tubes in the back of his hand and heard the monitors. He was in the hospital, then. Fraser's heart picked up pace slightly as fear began to overtake him. What was happening?
He turned his head and he instantly relaxed, a faint smile crossing his face. Ray was there, in a chair that had been pulled up right next to the bed. Ray was slumped over in the chair, sleeping in what looked like a very uncomfortable position.
Benny reached out and brushed the back of his fingers over Ray's cheek, and Ray awoke with a start. "Benny!" He exclaimed when he saw his lover looking at him.
Ray took hold of the hand on his face, placing a kiss against the back of the hand then rising to his feet. "How do you feel?"
"Tired."
"Yeah, I bet."
Ben shifted in the bed, and gasped quietly again. "My side hurts."
"I'm sure it does. Do you remember what happened to you?"
Benny's eyes drifted closed as he chased down the memories. He remembered Dennis, and something about an ambulance, and... "He stabbed me? I was stabbed?"
"That's right," Ray said quietly.
"Am I all right?" With an effort, Benny opened his eyes.
"Yeah Benny, you're all right." Ray placed another kiss on the back of Benny's hand. "You had a lot of internal bleeding, and they had to take out your spleen; but no other organs were injured and no major infections. You're going to be fine."
"Good." Benny's eyes drifted closed, and he forced them open again.
"No Benny, don't fight it," Ray ran a soothing hand through Benny's hair. "You need to sleep, Benny. Just let yourself fall asleep."
"Okay." Benny's voice was barely a whisper.
Ray stepped away from the bed, and Benny's eyes flew open. "Ray?"
"It's all right, Benny, I'm not going anywhere," he sat down in the chair. "I'll be right here all night."
Benny smiled and let his eyes close again. He tried to say "thank you kindly", but he fell asleep halfway through the sentence.
Monday morning Dr. Burns came by to examine Benny and pronounced his condition improved enough to move him to a regular room.
Very soon thereafter Benny was settled into bed in a room on the fifth floor, with Ray settled in the chair next to the bed. Benny looked at Ray, took his hand, gave him a smile and fell back asleep.
He didn't wake up again until almost 7:00. He looked over at Ray with a sleepy smile and rubbed his eyes. "Hello, Ray."
"Hey Benny. How are you feeling?"
"Better." Benny's voice broke and he cleared his throat.
"Here." Ray poured some water into a glass, stuck in a straw and held it out to Benny. "Just a little bit, okay?"
Benny nodded and took a couple small sips. "Thank you," he smiled, relaxing back into the pillows. "What time is it?"
"Seven o'clock."
"On Monday?"
"Yes," an amused Ray answered.
"Oh." Benny looked at Ray, eyeing him critically. "Ray, are you all right?"
"Am I all right?"
"Yes. You look very tired."
"I'm all right, Benny."
"You should go home and get some sleep."
"Benny, I'm fine."
"You've been here for nearly twenty four hours straight. Much of that time in a small uncomfortable plastic chair. You should go home to your comfortable bed and get some sleep."
"Benny, I'm going to stay here with you."
"There's really no need, Ray. I'm just going to be going back to sleep. I'm fine now, really. Your staying here would serve no other purpose than to exhaust you further."
"Benny..."
"I don't want you to fall ill because of me, Ray. Go home now. You can come back in the morning for regular visiting hours."
Ray stared at his lover, a grin slowly crossing his face. Benny ignoring what he said and stubbornly insisting on having his own way? He was definitely more like his old self. "All right, I'll go home. But I'll be back first thing in the morning."
"Thank you Ray." Benny smiled up at him, looking sleepy and sexy and innocent all at once, and Ray felt a tug at his heart.
He bent down and placed a light kiss against Benny's lips. "I'll see you in the morning, Benny. Get some more sleep, okay? I love you."
"I love you too, Ray. I'll see you tomorrow."
Ray left the room and headed for home, feeling himself really relax for the first time since the previous night.
Over the next two days, Benny continued to improve rapidly, doing little but sleep and eat. Each time Dr. Burns examined him, he would announce his surprise and pleasure at the rate of Ben's recovery, and Benny would smile happily.
When the doctor had finished his examination of Ben on Wednesday morning, Benny asked him the question that had been uppermost in his mind since being moved from the ICU. "Will I be able to go home tomorrow?"
Dr. Burns looked at him in surprise. "Tomorrow? No, I want to keep you here at least through the weekend."
Benny looked totally deflated. "But I thought I was improving."
"You are, Mr. Fraser. I am quite pleased with your progress, but you're still not strong enough to go home."
Benny looked over at Ray, who was in his customary seat next to the bed. "But I had hoped to be home in time for Thanksgiving." Ray reached out and squeezed his hand.
"I realize that, Mr. Fraser, and I am honestly sorry that you won't be home for the holiday, but we don't want to rush your recovery."
"But I won't be doing anything at home other than resting, the same as I'm doing here."
"The difference is that here you are still under the supervision of the medical staff. There is still the possibility for setbacks, no matter how slight, and we really don't want to send you home until you're a bit stronger.
"If I thought it was safe to send you home at this point, I would release you; but right now I have to say that it is not advisable."
Benny nodded. "All right," he said quietly, and turned to look out the window.
"I'll be back to examine you again this afternoon," Dr. Burns said.
Ray looked up at the doctor with a faint smile. "All right, thank you."
Benny didn't appear to have heard him at all.
Ray watched the doctor leave the room, then turned to look at Fraser. "Hey, Benny, it will be okay. I wish you could be home with us for Thanksgiving, but we'll have a great day anyway. I'll come over here in the afternoon with some turkey sandwiches and we'll watch some football games together. That's always the best part of the holiday, anyway."
"Yes, Ray." Benny nodded and turned to Ray with a smile. The smile obviously took so much effort that Ray felt his heart aching.
"Oh, Benny," Ray sat on the bed and pulled Benny into his arms. "In the meantime, I am going to spend every second of every minute of the day being thankful that you're here for the holiday at all.
"I could have lost you, Benny. I thought I might-" Ray broke off and cleared his throat.
"Oh, Ray." Benny moved closer, wrapping his arms around Ray's waist and snuggling his head onto Ray's shoulder. "I'm here Ray. It's all right. We have plenty of Thanksgivings ahead of us to be together."
Ray's throat was so tight that it was impossible to answer, so he just leaned back against the pillows, holding Benny close to him.
Benny turned off the small television set above his bed with a sigh. It was 2:00 on Thanksgiving afternoon, and so far his holiday had left much to be desired.
He had watched the parade on TV, but it had not been as enjoyable as it was other years. It was just not the same as it was watching it in the living room of the Vecchio house with excited kids everywhere, running in and out of the room and perching occasionally on his lap; and the wonderful smells of Rosa's cooking slowly growing stronger and stronger.
Benny shook his head and sighed. This is what he got for feeling sorry for himself. He had been so full of self-pity a few days ago, wishing he had a "real" family that he had neglected to remember just what he had- how lucky he was. Well, he was being rather harshly reminded of that now, and he was not likely to forget the lesson again.
Benny looked out his window at the gray cheerless sky. Moping now was not going to solve anything, either. He still had much to be happy about. Ray was going to be here later, and that was something to be thankful for on any day.
The door to his room clicked open, and Benny turned his head. "Ray!" He exclaimed in surprise. Ray strode into the room, grinning. He was already dressed for dinner, in charcoal gray woolen pants and a cream sweater worn over a green shirt that matched his eyes. Ray looked beautiful, and Benny found his mood instantly improving.
"Ray, shouldn't you be getting ready for dinner?"
"Yup," Ray said, bending down to give him a quick kiss. "I just had to be sure that you were awake and dressed."
"What?" Ben asked in confusion, looking down at his sweat suit; but Ray was already across the room and out the door. "Ray?"
Just a few seconds later, Ray came back into the room, walking slowly backwards. As he entered the room, Benny could tell he was carrying something. It soon became evident that the something was a long, folding table, the other end of which was being carried by Tony. The men were followed by Rosa, Maria, Frannie, and Ray's nieces and nephews, all of whom were carrying folding chairs.
"Ray, what is going on?" a confused Benny asked.
"Thanksgiving dinner!" Ray said, happily unfolding the legs of the table and helping Tony set it upright.
Tony began setting the chairs around the table as the women and children left the room.
Ray crossed over to the bed. "We're having Thanksgiving dinner here, Benny."
Benny blinked at him, for once at a total loss for words.
"Don't worry, Benny, I cleared it with your doctor. He said that as long as you didn't overdo it or stuff yourself too much, it would be fine."
"All right Ray, thank you," Benny said, still a little dazed. "And thank you for doing this."
"Oh I'd love to take the credit for this, Benny, but I can't. It was Ma's idea."
"It was?" Benny looked back over at the door as Rosa and her children and grandchildren re-entered the room, carrying boxes containing a tablecloth, napkins, plates, glasses, silverware and food.
"Yup. When Ma found out you wouldn't be home in time for Thanksgiving she said it wouldn't really be a holiday if the whole family wasn't there. So she decided that 'if Benton can't come to the family, the rest of the family will come to Benton'."
"She said that?"
"Her exact words," Ray nodded.
Benny looked over at Rosa, who was busily setting food on the table while talking and smiling with her children.
"Hey Benny," Ray said, and Benny looked over at him, blinking back the tears that had come to his eyes.
"Let's get these on you, okay?" Ray asked, holding up Benny's slippers.
Benny nodded and Ray helped him put on his slippers, then eased him off the bed. "Okay Benny, we're going to take it nice and slow now. Just lean on me, all right?"
Benny nodded and the two men made their way over to the table, where Benny took the seat of honor on Rosa's left with Ray sitting on his left.
After they had all been seated, Ray offered a blessing on the food, and then they observed the Vecchio tradition where each member of the family took a turn stating what they were thankful for.
When it was Rosa's turn she smiled around the table at everyone gathered there. "I am thankful that I have such a wonderful, loving family, and that we could all be together today.
"I am especially grateful that Benton has become a part of this family, and that he could be here with us today.
"Well, not here, exactly," Rosa said, waving her arm around the hospital room as the others laughed, "but I am very glad that you are with us, Caro."
The others voiced their agreement, and then it was Benny's turn. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "I'm afraid I must start with a confession. The past week or so, I have been feeling very sorry for myself. As the holidays approached, I told myself that I had no "real" family, that I was only on the fringes of someone else's family. I believed that, and had quite a time of it, moping about.
"But what you did today- packing up the entire Thanksgiving meal- even the dishes and furniture- and moving it across town so I wouldn't miss out on the meal. That is not something you do for a friend- even a very close friend. That is something you do for a member of the family.
"And I realize now that I have been a member of this family for quite some time now, and I was just too thick headed to notice it. But I am very thankful- and very proud- that you are my family, and I promise you that I will not take you for granted again."
It was Ray's turn and he had to clear his throat before he could speak. "I'm thankful for my family, too. You are always there for me, you help me through the bad times, and I don't know what I would do without you.
"And most of all, I'm thankful for you, Benny. I'm thankful that for whatever reason, you fell in love with me; and I'm glad that you're here today. That you're okay, and..." Ray stopped and cleared his throat again, then shook his head and sat down.
"Amen," Rosa said quietly. "Well, everyone, shall we eat?"
A chorus of hearty agreement went around the table, and everyone dug into the food.
Half an hour later, the last plate was pushed aside with a happy groan, and all was quiet around the table.
Rosa smiled at Ben. "Caro, did you have a good meal? You didn't seem to eat that much."
"Oh, yes, everything was quite delicious. I just don't have that much of an appetite yet," Benny said apologetically.
"That's all right, Benton, as long as you got enough."
"Yes, I did," Ben smiled back at her.
"Good."
"Come on Benny," Ray said from his other side, "you look beat. Let's get you back to bed."
"All right," Ben agreed. He looked around the table, smiling at his family. "Thank you for doing this, everyone. It really means a lot to me."
"Well, this is one Thanksgiving we're sure to remember." Maria smiled at him.
Ray helped Benny back over to the bed and got him settled. "I'll be back in a few minutes Benny, I'm just going to help with the cleanup."
"All right." Benny watched as the leftover food and the dishes were packed away and the table dismantled and carried out.
When the last box was carried out, Rosa came over to the bed to say goodbye. "Be sure you get some rest, Caro; you look very tired."
"I will," Benny smiled.
"Good."
"Rosa, I just want to tell you that even though I'm in the hospital, this was probably the best Thanksgiving I've had. Thank you."
Rosa smoothed the hair back from his forehead, then leaned down to give him a kiss. "Happy Thanksgiving, mio figlio."
"Happy Thanksgiving... Ma."
Rosa gave him a huge, happy smile; then with another kiss she was gone.
Benny lay in quiet thought for a few minutes, then turned on the television and started looking for a football game.
A few minutes later Ray came back into the room. "Well Benny, the last box is packed up and everyone is on their way home. It's just you, me, and the football games."
"Good," Benny smiled. He moved over on the bed and Ray lay down beside him. "Oh, you're cold, Ray."
"Sorry."
Ray started to move away, but Benny stopped him. "No, I like it."
"Really?"
"Yes, your cheeks are nice and rosy. So is your nose."
"With this nose, that must be quite a sight."
"It is. A lovely sight." Benny placed a kiss on Ray's nose to emphasize his point.
"Which game are we watching, Benny?"
"I don't know."
Ray laughed, then settled down to watch the game, whichever one it was. He slipped an arm around Benny's waist and started stroking his hip lightly.
A few minutes later, when the game went to a commercial, Ray turned to Benny. "Didn't I tell you this was the best part of the day?"
There was no answer. Benny was sound asleep against his shoulder.
Ray smiled at him and kissed him on top of the head. "Happy Thanksgiving, Benny."
THE END
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