RATED PG
Alliance owns these characters, but that doesn't mean I can't borrow them. No copyright infringement intended and trust me, no profit will be made.
WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE
Time was a very funny thing. Usually, it just slipped by without you really noticing it. Seconds leading into minutes leading into hours.
But sometimes, you definitely noticed time passing, each moment standing out crystal-clear, frozen in place and clearly separated from the moments preceding it and following it.
As Ray walked down the sidewalk outside the courthouse, bitching about yet another futile hearing, the phenomenon happened to him. One moment he was walking along, time behaving itself normally; then he saw a suspicious movement to his left.
As Ray turned, he saw the thief whom he had testified against pull a gun, and time slipped into that slow, frame-by-frame quality. As the man pointed his gun at him, Ray saw the look on his face- a contemptuous sneer. Ray even had time to wonder how the hell a suspect had managed to smuggle a gun into and out of the courthouse.
Ray pulled his own gun, knowing even as he did so that it was too late.
Ray's gun cleared its holster and he aimed it towards the suspect, whose own gun was centered squarely on Ray.
Suddenly Ray felt something hit him. Not a bullet; something much larger and heavier and more solid. He went sprawling towards the pavement.
Ray landed on his shoulder with a heavy thud, and time resumed normal speed again.
From above him, Ray heard three shots as other police officers returned fire; then shouting voices and pounding feet as they ran to check on and possibly subdue the fallen man.
Looking down, Ray saw Fraser lying half on him; half next to him. "Thank you kindly, Benny."
"No problem."
Ray wriggled out from under Ben and sat up slowly, rubbing his shoulder. "You okay?"
"I'm all right, Ray."
Something in Fraser's voice made Ray look down at him sharply. Ben rolled over onto his back, and Ray gasped. "My God, Benny! Oh my God!"
Ben's jacket had fallen open, and a bloodstain was spreading rapidly over his right shoulder, clearly visible against the tan fabric of his shirt. Ben slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position, braced by both hands.
"Let me see," Ray said quietly, loosening Ben's necktie.
"It's not that bad, Ray."
"Just be quiet, Benny." Ray undid the top few buttons of Ben's shirt and pulled it gently open. He drew a sharp, hissing breath between his teeth. Nearly all of Ben's undershirt was covered in blood already.
Slipping behind Ben, Ray lifted the collar of the shirt and looked inside. "There's no exit wound," Ray muttered, "the bullet must still be in there."
Benny swayed suddenly, and Ray wrapped his arms carefully around Ben's waist, drawing him back to rest against Ray's chest.
"It's all right, Benny," Ray whispered. "You're going to be okay."
Suddenly Huey was there, kneeling next to them. "Shit," he said when he got a look at Fraser.
Huey looked up as a uniformed officer ran over to them. "Get an ambulance here. And tell them we've got an officer down!"
The uniformed officer nodded and hurried away, already speaking into his two-way radio.
Jack slid off his jacket, folded it, and pressed it against the wound in Ben's shoulder. Ben gave a slight gasp, then fell silent.
"You hang in there, Fraser," Jack said, "help is on the way."
Ben nodded, and then a tiny smile crossed his face. "Well, Ray, this is something different," he said, his voice noticeably weak.
"What, Benny?"
"I've ruined someone else's suit for a change."
Ray couldn't hold back his grin.
"You two are a couple of comedians," Huey said.
Ray was about to reply when he felt Ben sag in his arms. "Benny?"
There was no answer. "Benny!"
Ray looked into his lover's face. Fraser was chalk-white, and sweat had broken out on his face. He lay limp and unmoving in Ray's arms.
Ray tightened his grip around Benny's waist, holding him even closer. "Where in the hell is that ambulance?"
Ray watched the number panel in the elevator with barely contained impatience. He had spent the better part of the afternoon and evening waiting. Waiting for Benny to be examined by the doctors, waiting while Benny was in surgery, waiting until Benny could be moved from the recovery room to a regular room.
Now at last he had been given permission to visit his lover, although he had been warned that Benny would probably be asleep. That didn't matter to Ray. He just needed to see Benny, to be near him. To make sure for himself that Benny was okay.
The doctors had assured Ray that the operation had been a complete success. The bullet had not caused any major damage, and they had been able to remove it easily and stop the bleeding. When he had healed a little, Benny would need a few sessions of physical therapy, but after that he would be as good as new.
Ray entered Benny's room quietly and slowly walked over to the bed. As the doctor had predicted, Benny was sound asleep. Ray sat down in the chair next to the bed, eyeing his lover carefully. Benny appeared to be resting easily, but he was still just as pale as he had been earlier.
There was a large bandage covering the bullet wound, and Benny's right arm was taped to his chest. He had two IV tubes running into the back of his left hand; and various machines to monitor his heart rate, blood pressure, and pulse were hooked up to him. All this combined to give Benny an air of fragility that Ray was not used to seeing.
Ray took Ben's left hand into his own. "Oh, Benny," he whispered. He reached out and gently brushed the hair back from Ben's forehead, then paused, frowning. Benny felt hot. Ray sighed. The doctors had told him that Benny had a slight infection and was being given antibiotics through his IV.
Ray shook his head. "Oh, Benny, why did you do it? What were you thinking? What is that, some sick thing they taught you in Mountie school? I don't know how things work up there in the frozen tundra, Fraser, but here in Chicago if someone is shooting, you duck. You hide. You do not throw yourself in front of the bullet."
Ray squeezed Benny's hand a little more firmly, and ran his fingers lightly over the bruise that was forming around the IV needle. Ray had been sitting quietly for a few minutes when he felt Benny's hand move in his. "Benny?"
Benny sighed and moved in the bed.
"Benny?" Ray repeated.
Benny's eyes flickered open, and he looked over at Ray. A happy, tired smile lit up his face. "Ray," he whispered.
"I'm here, Benny."
Ray brushed his fingers lightly over Benny's cheek, and Benny sighed. "Ray," he whispered again. Benny relaxed back into the pillows, and was soon fast asleep again.
About fifteen minutes later, Ray was startled by a quiet voice behind him. "Detective Vecchio?"
Ray turned towards the doorway and saw a nurse standing there. Ray remembered her as the one who had shown him to Benny's room. "Hi again, Angela," he smiled.
"I'm sorry, Detective, but visiting hours are over."
Ray turned back to look at Benny, feeling a tug at his heart. "Can't I stay with him? Please?"
"I'm sorry, Detective Vecchio, but the patient needs his rest." Angela smiled at Ray. "And it probably wouldn't hurt you to get a good night's rest, either. You can come back in the morning when visiting hours start again."
Ray gave a very reluctant nod. "All right. I'll just say good night, then I'll leave."
The nurse smiled in understanding. "All right. Good night, Detective."
"Good night."
Ray stood up with a sigh. "I have to go now, Benny. But I'll be back as soon as I can tomorrow." He reached down and ran his fingers through Benny's hair.
"Sleep well, Benny. I love you." Leaning down, Ray placed a kiss on Benny's forehead, then slowly left the room and headed for home.
Ray leaned his elbows on his desk and buried his face in his hands with a deep sigh. Today had been a long, draining day. It was only 4:00 in the afternoon, and Ray already felt completely exhausted.
He had been to see Benny in the hospital that morning. Benny had been awake and far more alert than he had been the night before. While Ray had been there the doctor had come by to examine Benny; and had announced that if he continued to improve, Benny would be able to go home that evening.
Ray had then gone to work, only to be faced with interviews and reports regarding the incident from the day before. Ray had been forced to relate the shooting over and over again, and relive the moment when Benny had been shot.
Rather than improving as time passed, Ray's fear seemed to grow, as he realized what a close call Benny had, and how badly he could have been wounded- or worse.
The phone on Ray's desk rang, and he jumped. Grabbing the receiver, he snapped "Detective Vecchio."
"Hello, Ray. Did I call at a bad time?"
"Benny! Of course not. How are you doing?"
"Very well, Ray. As a matter of fact, Dr. Kerry said I could go home anytime, as long as I had someone to stay with me."
Ray grinned. "You have someone to stay with you, Benny. I already cleared the time off with Welsh."
"You did?"
"Yes, I did. You sit tight Benny, I'm on my way."
As they drove from the hospital to his apartment, Benny was amused to note that Ray drove a consistent three miles under the speed limit, stopped for yellow lights, and came to a full and complete stop at each and every stop sign. Finally they arrived at West Racine, and Ray rushed to help Benny from the car.
"What are you doing?" Ray hollered indignantly as he saw Ben reaching for the bag containing the things he had brought home from the hospital.
Benny looked at him in surprise. "Ray, it's not that heavy."
"Don't touch it," Ray snapped, grabbing the bag and removing it from the car. He helped Benny from the Riv and the two men walked into the apartment building.
As they approached the elevator, they saw a sign hanging on the doors, declaring it out of order. Ray cursed violently, and Benny grinned.
"Benny, you need to move out of this dump."
"Yes, Ray."
Ray moved to Ben's left side and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Come on, we'll just take it slow, all right?"
"Yes, Ray. I'll be fine."
By the time they got up to the third floor, however, Benny was leaning heavily against Ray. They entered the apartment and Ray led Ben over to a kitchen chair. "Sit down, love," he said, then headed towards the bedroom with the bag.
Diefenbaker walked slowly over to Benny, whining softly. "I'm all right, boy. I'm fine." Ben told the wolf, bending down to scratch him between his ears.
Reassured, Diefenbaker wagged his tail and headed back to his corner to lie down. Ben straightened back up, and the room swam dizzily around him.
Suddenly Ray was at his side, grabbing his good arm and pushing him gently down into the chair. Benny smiled shakily up at Ray. "I guess I stood up too quickly."
Ray turned away, then strode over to the window and stood staring out. After a minute, he turned back around, and his face was filled with pain.
"Dammit Benny," he said, all the guilt and fear and even anger of the last twenty four hours clear in his voice, "why did you do it?"
Benny glanced over at Dief, confused. "Why did I-"
"Why did you jump in front of the bullet, Benny? What on earth were you thinking?"
"I wasn't thinking, Ray. I was reacting."
"Excuse me?"
"It all happened so fast that there wasn't time to think things through and formulate a logical plan of action. I was acting purely on instinct."
"And your instinct is to jump into the path of a bullet?"
"If you're in the way? Yes."
Ray's strength gave out suddenly, and he leaned heavily against the window. "Benny..." he whispered.
Benny looked back at him, his expression serious. "You were going to be hurt, Ray. That can't ever happen."
"Jesus," Ray whispered weakly, and brought shaking hands up to cover his face.
"Ray, it's all right."
"All right? All right?! No, Benny; this is not all right. It is far from being 'all right'."
"Ray..."
"No, Benny. You got shot because of me. Me, don't you get that?"
"It's not because of you, Ray. It's the fault of the man who shot me."
"That's not what I meant and you know it. You got shot trying to save me and protect me. How do you think that makes me feel, Benny?"
"Ray," Benny said, holding out his hand, "come here."
Ray slowly crossed the room. When he reached Benny he took his hand and knelt on the floor in front of him.
Benny smiled at him. "You think I'm far more noble than I really am. My actions were entirely selfish."
Ray's eyes went wide. "Selfish? You take a bullet for me and that's selfish?"
"Yes, Ray. Completely. I have lost more than enough people I love for one lifetime. I don't want to ever have to go through it again. Especially you, Ray."
Benny reached out and placed his hand on Ray's cheek. "You, who I love more than I have ever loved anyone before in my life. I love you more than I thought I was capable of loving someone. I never dreamed that I would allow myself to love someone as much as I love you. Be able to trust them, and open myself up to them so much.
"And if anything ever happened to you, Ray; if I ever lost you- it would be unbearable."
Ray found it impossible to speak past the sudden very large lump in his throat, so he just buried his face in Benny's lap. Benny ran his hand over Ray's back, soothing the shaking man.
Finally, Ray looked up at Benny, his face anguished. "What about me, Benny? What do you think would happen to me if I lost you? How do you think I would feel? Did you ever stop to think about that?"
Benny gave him a small smile and shook his head. "As I said, Ray, my motives were selfish."
"I can't lose you, Benny. I can't." Ray pulled Ben into an embrace, being very careful of Benny's injured shoulder.
They held each other silently for a minute, until Benny started laughing. Ray pulled away to stare at him in surprise.
"What's funny about this, Benny?"
"Well, it would seem that we have chosen the wrong profession, Ray. Perhaps we should go into a new line of work."
"Really?" Ray was grinning at him.
"Yes, we could start our own business. Open a bakery or something."
"A bakery?"
"Yes, think about it. You could do the actual baking, and I'd be out front doing the sales and customer service."
Ray snorted. "You'd perform customer service, all right. Once all the women in the area found out who was working the counter, we'd have more business than we could handle."
"We'd be rich," Benny smiled.
"Yeah. Rich and bored. Honestly, Benny, how long do you think you would last before you ran screaming from the building?"
Benny shrugged. "A day and a half?"
"More like an hour and a half. Face it, Fraser, we're destined to be cops."
Benny smiled at him. "Well, as long as we're there to look after one another, we should be just fine."
Ray sighed. "Hell of a job I do looking after you, Benny."
"You do look out for me, Ray." Ben said. He trailed his fingers lightly over Ray's shirt, caressing the shoulder that bore the scar from its own bullet wound.
"Is that what this is?" Ray asked. "Some weird kind of 'Even Steven' thing?"
"No. It's an 'I don't want anything bad to happen to Ray' thing."
Ray looked at Benny, at a total loss as to what to say. Finding the right words had never been his strong suit anyway. Finally, he said the only thing he could think of. "I love you, Benny."
A huge smile lit up Benny's face, and Ray smiled in return. Maybe he had said the right thing after all.
"I love you, Ray."
Ray gave Benny a kiss, then pulled away, smiling at his lover. As he looked at Benny, Ray's smile slowly faded, a concerned frown taking its place. "Are you all right, Benny? You look really shaky."
"I feel a little bit shaky."
This was a major admission for Benny, and Ray became even more worried. "All right,let's get you over to the bed. Slowly."
He helped Benny to his feet and over to the bed, then eased him down and removed his sneakers and his sweatpants. Benny lay back against the pillows, and Ray covered him with the sheets and a blanket, then sat down next to him.
"You comfortable, Benny?"
"Not entirely, Ray."
"What's wrong?" asked Ray, jumping up from the bed. "Are you in pain? You want me to get you a pill?"
"No, Ray. I don't need a pill. There's just something I can't quite put my finger on..." Benny ran his hand over the empty side of the bed next to him.
"Oh," Ray grinned, "Well, why don't I see if I can do something about that?" Kicking off his shoes, Ray hurried around the bed and slipped under the covers.
Once he was lying down, Ray carefully eased Benny over until he was lying on Ray's chest. "Is that better?"
"Oh, yes, Ray. I'm completely comfortable now."
"Good." Ray kissed the top of Benny's head. "You get some sleep now, Benny; and when you wake up I'll cook you some dinner."
"All right," Benny agreed readily.
After just a few minutes had passed, Ray could tell from Benny's relaxed posture and deep, even breathing that he was asleep; and Ray slowly began to let go of his tension.
He tried to stifle a yawn but failed, suddenly feeling utterly exhausted. He hadn't been able to get much sleep the night before, and the little sleep he had managed had been plagued by nightmares.
Ray tightened his arms around his lover. Maybe he would just lie here for a little while longer. For Benny's sake.
Soon the sound of Benny's breathing was mingled with the noise of Ray's quiet snoring.
THE END
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