These are the first two of (I hope) many Aladdin related Top Ten Lists!
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The Top Ten Reasons NOT to date Aladdin OR Mozenrath!
by Jill Weber
10- When Aladdin is first seen, he's stealing food from the marketplace.
(Translation, you get potluck.)
When Mozenrath is first seen, *he's* stealing
food from the marketplace. (More potluck, *sigh*)
9 - Aladdin does not have a steady income
Neither does Mozenrath
8- Aladdin lives in a depressing hovel
Mozenrath lives in a depressing citadel
7- Aladdin has a smelly pet monkey
Mozenrath has a smelly pet eel
6- Aladdin has a quick temper
Mozenrath has a quick temper
5- Al can't take you to restaurants.
("No shirt, no shoes, no service")
Moze can't take you to parties.
(He never gets invited)
4- Iago
Mamluks
3- Aladdin's always running around trying to save the world.
Mozenrath's always running around trying to
conquer the world.
2- Aladdin's home gets invaded a lot.
(Can you say "Mozenrath?")
Mozenrath's home gets invaded a lot.
(Can you say "Aladdin?")
And the #1 Reason to NOT date Aladdin OR Mozenrath...
1- Your main rival for Aladdin's affection
(Jasmine) owns a flesh eating tiger
Your main rival for Mozenrath's affection
(Mozenrath) owns a flesh eating glove.
Top Ten Reasons NOT to date Sadira OR Jasmine!
by Jill Weber
10- When you first see Sadira, she's stealing food from the marketplace. (Sigh, more potluck.)
Jasmine doesn't steal food in her first scene, but she gets around to it as soon as she makes it to the marketplace.
(Hasn't ANYBODY in Agrabah heard of menus?)
9- Sadira doesn't have a steady income.
Jasmine is rich, but she never remembers her money.
8- Sadira lives in a depressing ruin.
Jasmine lives in such a beautiful palace it will make your place look depressing.
7- Sadira doesn't have a smelly pet (how could Disney have overlooked that?) but her potions are smelly.
Jasmine's pet tiger isn't smelly, but he's bigger than you are.
(Much bigger.)
6- Sadira has a quick temper.
Wow, clean sweep! Jasmine has a quick temper, too!
(And a tiger.)
(Who is much bigger than you are.)
5- Dinner at Sadira's is likely to change you into a timepiece.
Dinner at Jasmine's is likely to try to eat you.
(And so is her tiger.)
(Who is MUCH bigger than you.)
4- The guards are always chasing Sadira.
The guards are always following Jasmine.
3- Sadira spends a lot of time trying to capture Aladdin.
Jasmine spends a lot of time trying to rescue Aladdin.
2- Sadira's home gets invaded a lot. (Can you say Witches of the Sand?)
Jasmine's home gets invaded a lot. (Pick a villain, any villain.)
And the #1 Reason to NOT date Sadira OR Jasmine...
Jasmine has Rajah.
(Who is much bigger than you are.)
Sadira has a Sand Beast.
(Who is much bigger than Rajah!)
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