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***RECAP: She recalled her mom saying something about them two going out for dinner that night, so she figured she had better finish early and call her mom for arrangements. 'Maybe that's just what I need,' she mused to herself, 'a nice, quiet dinner with Mom....that will definitely help me relax.'***
"Can I take your order?" the waiter asked, as Lauren and her mom sat in the restaurant gazing at their menus.
The two placed their order, and handed him the menus. "So, how was work today, sweetie?" Joan, her mom, asked. Lauren shrugged, as she fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. She didn't want to tell her mom that she was bored at times with her job...she knew that she would get a lecture about how lucky she was to have been offered this job at such a young age and she should be grateful.
"You seem quiet today," her mom commented, "is everything okay?"
"Yeah Mom, I'm fine," she said in her most convincing voice. However, twenty years of being her mom only came with experience. "Lauren, I know something's wrong...come on, you know you can tell me," Joan said.
Lauren and her mom had been very close with each other over the years....they were really all each other had. Joan had dated a couple times, but never remarried. She hadn't really even had a serious relationship.
But Lauren just shrugged again. Joan gave her an unsatisfied look and shook her head. "Ya know," she countered, "sometimes you are just so stubborn......just like your father."
Lauren, who had just been taking a sip of her water, stopped mid-sip and stared at her mother. "My father....?" she trailed off, her eyes not blinking.
Joan nodded calmly and folded her hands in her lap. "My father?" Lauren said, more loudly this time, "what do you mean?"
"I mean that your father was stubborn too, so I was just saying...." her mom started, but was immediately cut off by Lauren, "I KNOW what you said, Mom, I was just wondering why, after twenty years of me being alive in this world, you picked this exact minute to talk about my father!"
Joan shrugged calmly, as a faraway look in her eyes appeared. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think it's time you knew who your father was," she said.
Lauren nodded and swallowed hard. This was the moment she had been waiting for, for as long as she could remember. Now, the only thing going through her head was, 'Maybe it's better that I not know.'
Her mom looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Are you sure you're ready for this, Lauren?"
Lauren nodded again as her hands began to tremble. Then, her mom continued: "Well, honey, when I was 24 years old, I lived in Florida because that was where I was attending University at the time....one day, I met this charming man, around my age, whom I began to date.
"We were inseparable, and it seemed as though we were in love, and everyone knew it, including us. Things were going great until my doctor told me I was pregnant."
"Here are your orders...enjoy," the waiter said, suddenly appearing from the kitchen and placing their food in front of them. Lauren jumped at the sound of his voice, but kept her eyes locked on her mom. "Okay, so then what happened?" she asked, and her mom carried on: "So, I was pregnant and I wasn't about to have an abortion or anything like that.....and I had to tell your father.
"So, I told him that I was expecting a child, but he wasn't exactly thrilled. In fact, he blew up at me, telling me that he couldn't take on the responsibility of a child and that I had to have an abortion. But, I plainly refused. There was no way I was going to do that, and I told him so. I told him I was going to have this baby, no matter what.
"So, after this whole ordeal was over, he told me he was leaving me, and at that point I wanted the same thing too. He packed up and moved out of the apartment we shared, and I did the same. He moved back into his parents' house, and I moved up to Toronto to be with my parents, your grandparents, so they could help me raise this child."
"Whoa, wait a sec," Lauren interrupted, "this guy...my father...what was his name?"
"His name was Robert.....I think he still lives in Florida, but I haven't spoken to him since the day he moved out. I told him I didn't want him liable for child support or anything...I just wanted him out of my life forever....and he has been," her mom finished, sighing.
Lauren was shocked. This was the moment she had been waiting for her whole life, and now that she knew, she only felt more incomplete.
"But....but...." Lauren stuttered, "where is he now?! Does he know about me at all?! He doesn't even know I exist!"
Joan gave Lauren a half-smile. "I KNOW he doesn't know anything about you.....that's why I told you about him....I figured after I told you all this you'd want to try to contact him," she said shyly.
Lauren just sat there, not knowing what to say or do. She wasn't sure if she wanted to contact Robert or not....he hadn't been in her life for almost twenty-one years....why should he start now? Maybe she was better off without him...maybe she would have been better off not knowing at all.
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