A Promise Kept
                                    by Kentuckywoman
  
Rain that blew side long into the heavy glass window panes came down in torrents.  The Logan household was dark, it's inhabitants long gone to bed.  The tall grandfather clock in the hallway chimed a single bell, letting whoever was listening that it was now one o'clock in the morning.  If one had walked  the long upstairs hallway, the only sounds to be heard through the silence would be soft breathing or an eerie creak of the smooth wooden planks that lay under the lush carpeting.

A party.  A soft lilting voice carried by the wind.  His name whispered by someone special, nameless like the intangible mist that swirled around him.  Why was he here?  What was happening?

He plunged into the next scene, falling as if from a mountainous cliff.  How strange, he thought to himself, the only mountains he had ever seen were the rolling Appalachias of his native Kentucky.  He felt the world shift around him, the scene before him portrayed by actors that resembled people he had known all his life.  He could not remember a time when his pa looked so young, so happy.  Who was that with him?  The beautiful dark haired woman that laughed as if someone had just told a hilarious story.  Her azure eyes locked with his, gazing up at him with such love, not anger as they should be.

He looked down upon the glittering ballroom below, at the swirls of people, the commotion his mother adored and his father only tolerated for her sake.  Tolerate - that was the word he had learned for the day.  He rubbed his backside at the faded memory of his father teaching him that lesson.  But worst part was watching the disappointment in Ma's face as Pa explained his most recent altercation at school.  He could see his brother down there, oh how he hated not being allowed to do the same things as Sean.  It was such an irrational jealousy to be sure, but he couldn't help himself sometimes. Alice was much too young to stay awake for the ball, but this year was supposed to be his first time to stay up with the adults.

Ma stood at the stairs, shaking her head at him.  So much like his father, said the expression on her face, although he was too young to comprehend her demeanor.  She shuffled him off to bed, then sat there for a moment stroking his hair.  How he loved these moments the most - when she had time for just him.  Eyes that mirrored her own drooped sleepily as she rose from the bed.  He didn't want her to go but he just couldn't find the words to make her stay.

The mist enveloped him again, only this time it was much colder, a cold that seeped through to the bone.  He hears laughter.  His brother and sister.  He'd recognize their voices anywhere.  Sean's masculine one mixed with Alice's squeaky child's giggle.  He walked out of the mist into the paddock, next to the main stable.  His pa was holding a chestnut stallion by the halter.  A bit of his memory flooded back to him.  It was his eleventh birthday.  He had loved that horse more than life itself.  Ma had picked him out.  She hadn't cared about bloodlines or any of that breeders nonsense.  She loved him for his spirit and graceful motion.  She would teach her son to be able to appreciate beauty in all it's forms.

He threw his gangly arms around his mother's neck, or as well as he could at the time.  His mother was quite round with the newest edition to the Logan clan, but was as radiant as ever.  He had become angry initially when  his parents told them that they were going to have a new brother or sister.  But Ma had made it very clear to him that she would love him just the same, that since he was so much more grown up now, he would be able to help her with the baby.  He had given her his most sincerest promise that he would always look out for his youngest sibling.

As the family was making their way back to the house for a celebratory breakfast, he watched his mother collapse.  It was as if someone had slowed down time, that he was able to look upon those horrific events of his life as a third person.  He stood by and saw his pa swing her up in his strong arms, and hurry to the house.  He and Alica had to run to keep up with his father and Sean.  They had taken his mother upstairs, but he wasn't allowed up there.  Marita stood in the study, talking softly with Sean.  Why would nobody help him?  Tell me, he wanted to scream as he looked around dazedly.  What is happening??

He could hear soft moans coming from his parents' bedroom.  He became quite angry - why were they hurting his ma?  Isaac pulled him away gently, took him out to the stable and away from the din of the Logan household.  The older man tried to comfort the distraught boy, explaining that they were doing the best for his ma, not trying to hurt her.  Isaac reminded him of what he had promised his mother, how he was going to be strong and a protector of the baby.  He swallowed his tears back, and sat quietly for what seemed like hours to him.

A servant woman, nameless to him now, spoke to Isaac, who took him back to the house.  It was still, the dark clouds that threatened overhead finally opened up in a pelting downpour.  Both were soaked by the time they made it to the kitchen.  The cook fussed over his appearance, but the damp, chilly clothes he wore he hardly felt.  He ran through the house and flew up the stairs.  He stopped at the door as he saw Sean and Alice outside, the saddest he had ever seen them.  Sean had his arms wrapped around Alice, as torrents of tears streamed down her small face, his sapphire eyes grief-stricken.

He peeked into his parents's room, saw his mother's still form lying on the large oak bed.  His father sat, bent over in a ladder back chair next to her bed.  His blond hair hung down in his face and he just sat there, rhythmically stroking her hand over and over again.  He could feel himself call out, albeit shallowly, to his father, but Ned Logan appeared deaf to his son's cries.  He was confused, what was happening here?  A moment of adult understanding passed between father and son when their eyes met.  He had never seen his pa look like that before.  It chilled him even when his wet clothes couldn't.  His pa was crying.  No, that couldn't be happening.  Grown men don't cry.

He heard above the denial that shouted violently in his brain, a small tremulous voice.  He walked numbly over to the basket, next to the fire smoldering on the hearth.  He peeked inside, and there was what had to be the ugliest baby he had ever seen.  But in that instant, he also remembered his promise to his mother.  He loved her more than life itself.  She was his, this little girl was his mother's last gift to him.  She had known what a responsiblity she had placed on his shoulders. He touched her delicate hands as the baby mewled softly.  He felt so tired, like the whole of his soul had been taken and wrung dry.  He drifted off as he lied next to the basket, one arm drapped carefully across his most treasure birthday present.

A rumble of thunder in the distance woke him from his dream.  He hadn't given much thought to that day, it hurt too much still.  He rose from his bed, and walked bare-chested down the long hallway to the last door on the end.  He could still hear the pounding of the storm outside the snug house, and he shivered, even though the house was perfectly warm and dry.  He quietly opened the door and settled his vivid blue gaze on the sleeping figure inside.  Her dark red curls rioted across the white muslin pillow, her eyelashed fanned out upon her creamy fair skin dotted with freckles.  A slight smile was born on her protector's face.   He closed the door just as quietly as he had opened it, then made his way back to his bedroom where he stood, arms crossed over his chest, at the window.

Clay thought to himself, "Happy Birthday, Lexy" as he stared out into the wet Kentucky night.

Author's Note:  I wrote this short piece after I finally got to see the episode "Search Party".  What struck me besides the emotion of Ned (Brett Cullen) towards his children was Clay's explanation to Jeremy about the effect the loss of Libby had on him and his father.  I did take some liberties with their birthdays, but since those have never been revealed in the storyline of the show, I felt it was okay.  :)