SHHHHH!!!!!

This information is privileged information. Disseminating any of this is punishable by either death or by a date with me, Paulie C.

My fat and lazy exterior is just a cover for my true self - renegade super secret agent bent on eliminating the last vestiges of communism in the world. No one would ever suspect that I am a trained lethal weapon with my superficial features. Now you know the truth.