I can't be bought, but I can be rented
It seems that some people who run web sites think their pages are much more popular than they actually are. That's the only explanation I can come up with to explain the otherwise inexplicable decision that web pages have made to start offering tie-in merchandise. The oddest piece of web-based merchandise I've seen so far is for the site IGN.com. As part of some kind of promotion they were offering t-shirts stamped with the phrase "You can't spell ignorant slut without IGN." What kind of promotion is that? While merchandise from professional sites is one thing, what gets into the heads of the owners of personal web pages that makes them think that they should sell merchandise as well? Do they think their page is so popular that total strangers will plunk down cash for t-shirts, mouse pads, coffee mugs and other sundry junk that are "official" items for a page [which were probably made at the t-shirt shop at the mall?]
Always ready to ape a trend, I've decided to start selling merchandise on this page as well. Thing is, I'm not wasting my time with rinky-dink trinkets or anything like that. Instead, for the price of a round trip airline ticket, I'm willing to fly to wherever you live and hang out with you. Have you ever thought that a movie would be much more entertaining to watch if only I was along to offer my opinions and insights before and after the film? Now your dream can come true! Want someone to impress with your culinary skills? Do you know of a little out of the way restaurant that you can't get anyone else to try out or a concert you want to go to put you can't find anyone else who appreciates that particular genre? Do you need a date to the prom? All this and more is now possible! With this amazing offer it's almost like I'm your friend.
Remember, I am making no money off this offer. All you have to do is cough up the dough for a plane ticket, there are no hidden fees whatsoever. Why am I doing this? It's my way of thanking you, the loyal readers of this page. The sooner you act the sooner I can be standing in your living room so hurry up and send those tickets today!
Questions, comments, and flight confirmations can be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If all of this is too much for you to take head on back to either the Pop Culture or Main page.